Atheism and my girlfriend

[SilenceTheOppressors]

My name's Kyle, and technically I am an Atheist, because of my beliefs. That being said; I'm not open about it. I have opened up about my want to convert to Atheism, but the realization that I am Atheist is still my secret, and now yours. Moving along. My girlfriend is far from okay with my want to convert to Atheism. She's a Christian, and believes heavily in God. She, along with every other friend I know and love, is at constant struggle with me to end the idea that I could be, and most likely am, Atheist. She told me she wants me to go to church with her on some Wednesdays. To see if my mind is changed. I love her with all of my heart, but I can't try to be Christian when I know I'm an Atheist. I don't want to lose her. I never want to. But as the situation stands I'm alone in this fight. Everyone I know is a God fearing Christian. Not a single person I know has said anything positive about becoming an Atheist. I need advice, and I need it quick. I'd appreciate the assistance. Thanks, guys.

[lukec]

First of all, congrats on knowing who you are- you do not as it stands have to "convert" to atheism, you are an atheist. That's all. There is no sign-up sheet- you simply don't believe in god(s). Now, based on that, you have to make a choice, because it sounds like you stand to lose some connections if you choose to be open about who you are, and what you believe. I think, if you really care about this girl and if she cares about you, the most important thing here is honesty. Simply tell her you love her, but you can't change who you are. Obviously you accept her and her beliefs, so it's not like you're discriminating- you're just asking her not to discriminate against you. Pretending to be something you're clearly not is disingenuous, and if your relationship hinges on this point, only prolonging the inevitable.

To summarize that rambling: be open, and be truthful. My two cents.

[SilenceTheOppressors]

I have, time and time again, said, and I quote: "I need you to understand where I'm coming from, and accept that this may be who I am." Her respone is always something to the extent of, "I can't accept that, and I won't give up on you." It's almost as if I'm some special case to her. The moment I admitted to my Atheist beliefs I went from her boyfriend to her charity case. As harsh as that seems, it's what I feel. In a few weeks she will be off to "Winterfest," where she will be saved, and repent her sins. I am not okay with that for the very reason my beliefs lie in Atheism. But I do not attempt to stop her. She pulled me aside one night and told me, "Kyle, this is something I have to do for myself. You might not approve, but this is just something I need to do," and I agreed. I wasn't going to try and stop her. I respect her and Christianity with everything in me, much like all other religions. But when the time came that I felt it was time I do something for myself (That something being opening up about my Atheism) she shunned the idea, and has since then repeatedly told me of my fate in Hell if I do not repent and devote myself to God's glory. So maybe she didn't call it, "God's glory," but that definately sums it up. None of my friends will agree to this either, I even had one tell me he'd never talk to me again.

[leo-rcc]

It is always a sad thing when people can't deal with someone who just doesn't believe in the same things they do. It's how wars get started, people get discriminated against, en people get killed.

I am sorry you have to go through this. The sad part is I know they mean well but they have no idea how much it hurts the person they are trying to "help".

Good luck, and if you need to air your frustration, you know what forum you can turn to.

And welcome to the forum.

[lukec]

Well it seems you've already followed all the advice I've got, haha. I don't envy you- I was in a relationship for a year and a half with a christian girl, but we just never talked about it. Constantly being badgered to change who you are when it's clear to you that you don't want to... ugh. It's especially sad since you are so willing to accept all her beliefs, although they may seem silly to you. Good luck, I hope you can work it out.

[solidsquid]

I cannot tell you how to handle this situation correctly, however, maybe you can learn from my experience with a similar situation. Me = no real hip on the god idea, Her = loved her some Jeebus. Well, everything was okay between just us for a bit she was tolerant of my views but still disliked them but she felt strongly about the relationship. THEN, other people stuck their noses where it didn't belong - she started getting "advice" from "friends at church" and her pastor. Well, it turns out that she dumps me citing that we "weren't equally yoked" and this idea was pushed by the guy she ended up seeing - the douchebag at her church. He could have cared less about what he was feeding her but he saw an opportunity and went for it.

The guy later ends up arrested for selling meth to all of god's children at the church, she gets put in rehab for addiction to Vicodin and I never heard from her again.

I'm definitely not saying this is what will happen to you but be wary of that "advice" if she starts seeking it especially from other church members, pastors, whatever. Because of their social connection through religion it is most likely she will trust their opinions and put heavy weight on them. It's hard to have a significant other who is so into religion. However, on rare occasion this changes but I've only seen it happen once over the matter of several years.

[Darwinian]

First of all, I have a great deal of sympathy for your position. I cannot imagine what it must be like to live in an environment where you are the only free thinker. It must be like one of those weird B movies where everyone else around you has been taken over by some strange mind controlling alien and you're the only one who is immune!

But don't give in and return to that superstitious belief in mythology just because those around you have.

I think the best way to deal with this is to arm yourself with knowledge so you can have an answer to the claims made by your friends. If only to reassure yourself that the path you have taken is the logical choice.

For example, this whole business with burning in hell for all eternity if you don't accept Christ is simply a creation of the Catholic Church to try to bring the various waring Kingdoms across Europe and Britain under control.

I wish you luck in your future life as a 'free human' and remember that you are not alone. I suspect that there are more people around you who 'quietly' share your atheism than you are aware, and, of course, we are also here to lend any support that you need.

[allan175]

The problem is you are surrounded by people who think "atheist" is the equivalent of "devil worshipper"! You wont be left alone since they will constantly be trying to 'save you'.

As someone else has said, if she and your friends are so strongly christian any pretending you do to appease them is just postponing the inevitable.

[Eilonnwy]

First, I provide a link that may help you: http://godlessgrrl.blogspot.com/2008/11/...sited.html it's an article on missionary dating by an atheist blogger, I think it may help.

Granted I can't know your situation, but I do know that I would probably be unable to date a theist. As biased as that may seem, I don't know if I could possible connect with someone who doesn't critically analyze their belief systems. I understand you love her, but I don't adhere to this notion of "true love". If all she wants to do is save you, and you don't want to be saved...there's not going to be an easy solution. This is an important issue and if you can't get past it, it's a deal breaker. I'd break up with her. You can try to reason with her all you want, but it's simply mind boggling how trapped people can be in their religion. There is probably nothing you can do or say to shake her belief. As said before me, clinging to her may just be prolonging the inevitable.

[IamAwake]

I was in a similar situation. I was dating someone for years and we were madly "in love" and whenever I came out of my religious stupor, he wasn't really bothered by my new outlook on the world, but I was SO bothered by his ridiculous views on religion (that it is the truth) that I left him, to put it very simply. Hardest and best thing I ever did for myself. I just can't connect with someone who refuses to really contemplate what they believe is real. It is very important to me to be free to think about everything with no shame or limits, and be able to discuss it with the person you love without having to sugar-coat it or hold back or feel guilty as a result of their judging you. It really brings you down more than you realize while it's going on. Good luck, you have a hard road ahead of you, but it will come to an end. When you find someone who isn't religious to be involved with, it is so much better and you can face this mysterious life together, instead of one person thinking they have all the answers and believing you are searching in vain.