[Serious] Giving up the fight

[zwanzig]

January 31st, I came out as trans on FB. I'm finally getting thin enough that I feel confident in passing and I didn't want to hide it anymore. Surprisingly, a lot of support from unexpected places. The expected pushback came from certain family who insist on deadnaming me in comments and messages. I haven't talked to them one on one yet and I feel tired at the prospect. Call it ADHD fatigue/anxiety over the confrontation, or cal it acceptance that I'll never change their minds, so, why bother trying.

Recently, I've gotten into Rebecca Watson on Youtube and she's great, but I watched a few of her videos about studies on comparisons between atheists and theists, and this very interesting video she did regarding those who deny the reliability of the Covid vaccines. It's rooted in emotion. That's why when you refute their facts, they don't see reason. They just find new facts to support their core bias. Like a lot of argumentative theists do. 

The fact is, I will never convince them that when I was out in BYU-I and at my peak religiosity, I was trying my hardest and desperately wanted to be a good daughter of God. Obviously, to them, I didn't try hard enough, and the revelation of my trans status is a culmination of justifications about how I never truly had faith and never actually wanted to be obedient and worthy. It will never be "enough" because emotionally, they've sunk 50+ years into their faith and they see their results just fine. So it is always going to be me who didn't work the program right. Just like if you pray to know if the BoM is true and you get an answer that it's not, well, you just didn't do it right, man. There is only ever one answer and I am wrong.

Anyway... I am not sure how active I'll be much more because it not only has to do with my bigoted Mormon family members but in general, I'm not in the spirit of pointlessly arguing with theists who we already acknowledge, "don't have a good reason for believing".  

This is kinda my "shower thoughts not suitable for FB" garbage dump until I can find someplace better. But here, as promised, thin me. I'm not to my goal of 150 lbs. yet but I'm getting there.

[arewethereyet]

I'm sorry you dealing with people who can't/won't accept you as you are.

As for being active here, there are other topics besides religion here and you have been a wonderful contributing member in many areas.

Whatever you decide, I hope you are able to find some peace.

[emjay]

January 31st, I came out as trans on FB. I'm finally getting thin enough that I feel confident in passing and I didn't want to hide it anymore. Surprisingly, a lot of support from unexpected places. The expected pushback came from certain family who insist on deadnaming me in comments and messages. I haven't talked to them one on one yet and I feel tired at the prospect. Call it ADHD fatigue/anxiety over the confrontation, or cal it acceptance that I'll never change their minds, so, why bother trying.

Recently, I've gotten into Rebecca Watson on Youtube and she's great, but I watched a few of her videos about studies on comparisons between atheists and theists, and this very interesting video she did regarding those who deny the reliability of the Covid vaccines. It's rooted in emotion. That's why when you refute their facts, they don't see reason. They just find new facts to support their core bias. Like a lot of argumentative theists do. 

The fact is, I will never convince them that when I was out in BYU-I and at my peak religiosity, I was trying my hardest and desperately wanted to be a good daughter of God. Obviously, to them, I didn't try hard enough, and the revelation of my trans status is a culmination of justifications about how I never truly had faith and never actually wanted to be obedient and worthy. It will never be "enough" because emotionally, they've sunk 50+ years into their faith and they see their results just fine. So it is always going to be me who didn't work the program right. Just like if you pray to know if the BoM is true and you get an answer that it's not, well, you just didn't do it right, man. There is only ever one answer and I am wrong.

Anyway... I am not sure how active I'll be much more because it not only has to do with my bigoted Mormon family members but in general, I'm not in the spirit of pointlessly arguing with theists who we already acknowledge, "don't have a good reason for believing".  

This is kinda my "shower thoughts not suitable for FB" garbage dump until I can find someplace better. But here, as promised, thin me. I'm not to my goal of 150 lbs. yet but I'm getting there.

Hang in there I understand how you feel... I've often felt similar. In my case some of my family have an ostrich-like approach not only to gay issues but also atheism, so their tendency is to pre-emptively shut down any conversation that could even potentially threaten their beliefs/world view. So when I came to this site, at first it was a welcome change; seeing theists actually willing to expose themselves to and address uncomfortable issues... and at the beginning, arguing/debating with them was quite therapeutic for me. But as time wore on, I kind of came to the conclusion, it wasn't that much different - ostrich or no, the door wasn't really open for many, so now I have a much more Buddhist/stoic approach to it all, of just let it be. I know that's probably easier said than done in some situations, especially if they're actively being a dick, and I'm so sorry that they are for you , and in any case it's probably not for everyone, but in my case, and in my experience, there is peace to be found in letting it be; of letting go of any expectations or hopes that the other will change.

[Rev. Rye]

January 31st, I came out as trans on FB. I'm finally getting thin enough that I feel confident in passing and I didn't want to hide it anymore. Surprisingly, a lot of support from unexpected places. The expected pushback came from certain family who insist on deadnaming me in comments and messages. I haven't talked to them one on one yet and I feel tired at the prospect. Call it ADHD fatigue/anxiety over the confrontation, or cal it acceptance that I'll never change their minds, so, why bother trying.

Recently, I've gotten into Rebecca Watson on Youtube and she's great, but I watched a few of her videos about studies on comparisons between atheists and theists, and this very interesting video she did regarding those who deny the reliability of the Covid vaccines. It's rooted in emotion. That's why when you refute their facts, they don't see reason. They just find new facts to support their core bias. Like a lot of argumentative theists do. 

The fact is, I will never convince them that when I was out in BYU-I and at my peak religiosity, I was trying my hardest and desperately wanted to be a good daughter of God. Obviously, to them, I didn't try hard enough, and the revelation of my trans status is a culmination of justifications about how I never truly had faith and never actually wanted to be obedient and worthy. It will never be "enough" because emotionally, they've sunk 50+ years into their faith and they see their results just fine. So it is always going to be me who didn't work the program right. Just like if you pray to know if the BoM is true and you get an answer that it's not, well, you just didn't do it right, man. There is only ever one answer and I am wrong.

Anyway... I am not sure how active I'll be much more because it not only has to do with my bigoted Mormon family members but in general, I'm not in the spirit of pointlessly arguing with theists who we already acknowledge, "don't have a good reason for believing".  

This is kinda my "shower thoughts not suitable for FB" garbage dump until I can find someplace better. But here, as promised, thin me. I'm not to my goal of 150 lbs. yet but I'm getting there.

Well, at least you can take solace in the fact that there’s loads of other things to do here besides debating theists. I just look for a thread that seems interesting to me and if it looks like I have something to say about it, I do. And if you’re burned out from debating theists, well, by this point, I rarely debate theists. Indeed, by this point, several of the users I spar against the most are other atheists (though they are more right-wing than is usual for the forum.) And while I don’t expect that I can convince them they’re wrong, I do expect that I can show the rest of us that they’re wrong.

Just hang in there, man.

[Silver]

I'm not to my goal of 150 lbs. yet but I'm getting there.

Looking good.

I'm still in the process of losing more weight, too, but these last fifteen pounds just don't want to shed themselves from me. xD I seem stuck around the 165 area.

[no one]

I'm beginning to think I'm the only one who put my actual photo in my avatar.

[Jehanne]

I would focus on BMI and not weight; I like the 24-24.99 range, just below the "overweight" category.

[Fireball]

I'm not to my goal of 150 lbs. yet but I'm getting there.

Looking good.

I'm still in the process of losing more weight, too, but these last fifteen pounds just don't want to shed themselves from me. xD I seem stuck around the 165 area.

Lucky you. I haven't weighed that little in over 30 years. I saw a doctor on TV (yes, I know, but a real doctor (and nutritionist), who talked about how a person's body may have a "set point" which makes it difficult to lose weight below it). Ten, yer lookin' good! Keep it up.   I wish you luck on your personal journey.

[Rev. Rye]

I would focus on BMI and not weight; I like the 24-24.99 range, just below the "overweight" category.

Just so we're clear, you are aware that the BMI is a flawed metric that doesn't take into account the difference between fat and muscle, right?

[Goosebump]

I know everything here is all "WTG" and "YdoY" bla bla.

But your family shouldn't be written off over a single decision. Just want to make sure you haven't signed them to the Anti-woke grave yard. People can understand parts of each other without getting the whole. In fact that might be the vast majority if not all of human existence. So give them a second shot at it. I know it would be hard for me to call my siblings another name out of the blue after years of naming them one thing.

Don't expect radical change at a 90degree turn. You might be seeing a whole new way, but everybody behind you is just seeing a new side of you for the first time.

That is a Great quote! Did I just first that?