Trouble dealing with family about my unbelief

[everythingafter]

Some of you know my basic story. Former believer, churchgoer, turned unbeliever a few years ago. I announced this on my blog, which posts back to my Facebook account. My evangelical parents thus read this, got upset to the point of crying themselves to sleep one night (yes, that bad) and apparently are still upset three years later.

My parents were in town for a visit over lunch yesterday. After lunch, we got into the car and my mom said she found a book that she wanted me to read. She pulled out "The Case for Christ" by Strobel. Realizing where the conversation was headed, I quickly said that I had already read that, along with tons of other apologetic works. My dad was like, "Oh you've read that too?" I said yeah. My dad, who is a hard headed, set in his ways and outspoken about it kind of person, then proceeds to ask me how many atheists are in the U.S. I said a growing number, but I didn't have an exact count, obviously. He then said all kinds of stuff about how nation was based on Christian principles. He also tried to suggest that Jefferson wasn't a deist, which, as we know, he almost certainly was. He said the Jeffersonian Bible supported Jefferson's belief in Christ as god, rather than the alternative, which sounded like an argument Glenn Beck would have made. He also asked how millions could be wrong about Christianity if it's false. You know, that whole truth in numbers argument. I said that its human nature to want to invent gods to explain things that science has yet to explain. He looked through the car windshield and said something like, This isn't enough proof. This meaning the world and all its splendor, I guess. I started getting frustrated at this point.

He kept talking and implied at one point that I was blaming God (again dredging up the argument that I was angry at God for some reason). I said forcefully that I wasn't blaming God, that I was denying God. "There's a difference," I said.

I said little after this, realizing that there was no point. After we got to our destination, my mom, who hasn't said anything this whole time, had been crying, and she was crying when we said goodbye. As for my dad, he was fine, and tried to make some small talk near the end to smooth things over a little. Pretty pissed at this point, I didn't say much. Took the book with me and left my mother in the van with tears in her eyes (yes, it's that bad).

So, what the hell am I supposed to do with this? I feel bad having upset my mother, but belief is not something I can just "turn on" to make people happy. I presume my mom is so upset about this because of the "hell" thing and well her only son rejecting something they hold so dear. Should I write a letter and try to explain that my rejection of God was not intended to upset anybody, that it was just my sincere attempt to get at the truth, regardless of where that search may have led me? To do that, I have studied apologetics, the historicity of Jesus, science, astrophysics and many other areas. They have studied nothing but the Bible and faith-affirming books like Strobel's, etc.

I mean, to me, it seems like it's getting serious. I mean, what if I get sick one day, and my family is pleading with me at the last to turn to God? And my refusal to do so makes the already dire situation even worse. I just don't know what to do at this point except move far enough away to be out of immediate reach, but that would probably be the end for my mother. To their credit, my parents are more protective than some because I almost didn't make it to my fifth birthday because of a rare immune disease with which I was born, and they attribute my still being here to a miracle from the heavens. I attribute it to medicine and the doctors who researched for years looking for a treatment (And I said this on the aforementioned blog post). My grandfather apparently made a "pact with God" that if God would save me, God could take my grandfather. He died in his early 60s. My father never fails to bring this up ... to make me feel guilty, I presume. But do I not have an ounce of personal space or am I forever devoted the spirit of my ancestors? I'm 33, but they seem to have no ability to realize my ability to think for myself. They think I'm simply misguided (probably by the devil or something).

Any suggestions? I would just kill myself to escape this rock-and-hard place situation, but I couldn't in good conscience do that. You guys see the divide here. I don't take like too seriously or worry myself into a tizzy. That's pretty much all they do it seems. As ever, religion poisons everything.

[Darwinian]

Show them the post that I have just read..

[Minimalist]

They are using emotional blackmail.

It's up to you if you want to fall for the con job. If you do, it will never end.

[Watson]

It sounds like, at the very least, your parents are legitimately concerned for you and your well being. I think you should be grateful for that fact. They seem like nice people. The fact that your dad tried to smooth things over proves it. But you'll just have to explain to them that the path you have chosen in life does not include faith and that it is yours to walk, not their's. They obviously still care about you a lot. So keep that in mind.

[Faith No More]

Ouch, that's a rough situation. My parents have always been open to allowing me to believe whatever I wanted so I can't draw on my own situation for advice. I would try explaining to them that they have their beliefs and you as a separate individual should be able to have your own. I would stick to my guns to that and let them know that they need to accept it. If that doesn't work you could just fake it to get them off your back.

[reverendjeremiah]

Show them the post that I have just read..

I agree. Just print it out and hand it to them.

[everythingafter]

Thanks for the responses, guys. My mother called yesterday and briefly hinted at the incident from last week, saying that they just wanted what was best for me. I didn't really comment on that remark on the phone, not wishing to dredge all that up again, but I wrote a letter that contains a good bit of what I originally wrote here that I'm planning to send shortly. Here are the last two paragraphs:

... Over the course of several years, I made a concerted effort to get closer to the truth with no regard for whether my conclusions would be favorable to me or not. I have actually put in the time and research to study the validity of the Bible, its claims, the authenticity of the gospel texts, the historicity of Jesus, human ethics, evolution by natural selection, astrophysics and other areas. I have read books by former pastors who are now non-believers, and I have read books from former nonbelievers who are now believers. I have read most of what C.S. Lewis had to say on the matter and many other Christian works, and I'm familiar with most of the Christian "thinkers" that Lee Strobel references in his books, like William Lane Craig and Habermas. I have read and studied and thought over and over and over. I hope it's beginning to sink in how much of my time I have devoted to this topic.

I have made a reasonable conclusion based on these studies. I'm sorry if that conclusion is upsetting for you, but it was not made out of anger or resentment over anyone or anything or over any circumstance, and it was certainly not made lightly. It was never my intention to hurt anyone, but belief is not something a person can just "turn on" to make someone else feel better. I have my own reasoning mind, and my own critical thinking skills and have tried to use them carefully. I neither seek to personally compel anyone to think as I do or argue with anyone on these matters. I hope the same courtesy will be extended to me. I have specific, concrete reasons for believing as I do and write about some of them on my blog from time to time. I'm willing to share them in person if you are interested, but I have no interest in doing so unsolicited. What's best for me, then, as my own individual is to have the liberty to believe as I see fit. If I don't have that freedom, I don't have anything.

I doubt anything I say will completely silence the back and forth, but maybe this is a start.

[reverendjeremiah]

If that doesn't work you could just fake it to get them off your back.

I wouldnt fake it. I would stand my grounds. Atheism is not only vastly superior to belief, but it is also a default position that all humans and all species are born into. If anything, it is the believers who should be faking atheism. If they dont like our atheism then they just need to keep it to themselves. And why do they have to walk around trying to spread their delusions? Nobody wants to hear that crap.

[fr0d0]

IMO, What they're missing is your personal choice to believe what you must: Without the choice there can be no belief. If you don't recognize a reason to believe then that is where God has left you (in their view). Like you say, you can't believe something you don't, and without being convinced of it, you simply cannot believe it.

Their reasoning is obviously not your reasoning. Their simplistic, honest & down to earth open acceptance is to be commended, but that isn't automatically transferred. God has no grand children.

I feel sorry for them. You sound like you're a credit to them. You're a family of very nice people. I think you've reached a point where parental influence isn't going to cut it, and they haven't realized that yet.

[Minimalist]

I have my own reasoning mind, and my own critical thinking skills and have tried to use them carefully.

Xtians hate that shit. Critical thinking is not for them.