In the hospital

[Jackalope]

I agree. That is half the battle. You just have to wait it out and enjoy life in the interim.

That's the plan. Just trying to enjoy life and not stress about finances while I'm waiting for the disability checks to start arriving... Eeeek!

[Shell B]

Well, you may have to downsize.

[Jackalope]

Well, you may have to downsize.

Hopefully not. My disability is expected to be temporary.

[Skeptical_Nurse]

I'll send some booze via google

[Jackalope]

Wow, it's been nearly a month since I last posted an update.

I finally received my first disability insurance benefit check yesterday - nearly two months after my adventure started. Making a paycheck stretch for a couple of months isn't easy, but thanks to some help from family I made it through the worst of the financial crisis.

As you may recall, I was tentatively diagnosed with an auto-immune blood disorder (APS) about a month ago, which is the apparent cause of my DVT and bilateral pulmonary embolism. Bad news: incurable. Good news: treatable.

Last week, I had a routine ultrasound to assess my progress before they removed the IVC filter installed on Oct. 19. More bad news: The existing thromboses are not shrinking, and I have formed new ones.

In short - I am not responding to the standard treatment, and in fact am getting sicker as days go on. We're now treating more aggressively with coumadin, which may help. We won't know until February. After that, there are a couple more treatments to try. I'm remaining hopeful that we will find one that is effective.

If an effective treatment is found, I am expected to make a reasonably full recovery with treatment and regular blood monitoring and imaging for new clots and pulmonary hypertension.

Absent effective treatment, the prognosis is grim. I've come to terms with that. It's the uncertainty that's driving me crazy. For now, I am planning assuming and hopeful that one of the treatments will be effective. It's the best I can do.

Over the last week, it's interesting in that I have been considering what the emotional benefit of prayer may be to believers. I will admit that in a way, it might actually be nice to have faith to lean on in situations like this. Alas, I have no faith, and I can no more force myself to have faith than I can to heal myself.

On the brighter side - I have not lapsed into depression or serious anxiety as I am prone to do. Several of my family members have commented how proud they are that I'm managing my mental illness well through all of this. I'll call that a win.

I'd like to thank all of you here who have offered words of encouragement or even privately though positive thoughts. While I'm not a believer in prayer, I also want to acknowledge those who do that have done so. There's little else that can be done except wait and see, and I just want to let people know that I appreciate even the littlest things that are done.

Thank you all for being my friends through this very trying time.

[Shell B]

I hope to hear good news from you in February.

[The Grand Nudger]

And March, April, May, so on and so forth for many many years. Good luck.

[Jackalope]

Thanks for the encouragement. Some days it's tough to find the strength to maintain hope, and every little bit of encouragement helps.

Today, I took my son to a Mad Science event at Intel. Something that would ordinarily not be strenuous at all - but the two hour round trip, a bit of walking, and three hours of sitting comfortably and I'm completely wiped out.

Times like these have a way of teaching humility and an appreciation for good health - the latter being something I took for granted until it was gone.

Seeing a couple of hundred bright and curious children having loads of fun and learning about real science made the physical pain and fatigue unimportant.

[Minimalist]

Shitty news, C-D. Let's all hope that the treatment works.

At least you have real doctors working on you and not some idiot shaman.

[Jackalope]

Well... I'm finally returning to work on Monday. Part-time for a bit, doc wants to make sure that I can manage the pain and fatigue.

Other than that, nothing new in the way of news - nothing has really changed since my last report. Being out of work and inactive so long has taken it's toll on my mental health, and I really have to get back to my regular routine.

Hopefully, the tests scheduled in February will bring good news.