Rob, the secret to a happy marriage, as you may know, is to think about stuff all you like but put none into action!
The wife controls most aspects of my life but she can't read my thoughts! Otherwise, I would have died long ago! Hehe

(April 27, 2016 at 2:33 am)ignoramus Wrote: Rob, the secret to a happy marriage, as you may know, is to think about stuff all you like but put none into action!
The wife controls most aspects of my life but she can't read my thoughts! Otherwise, I would have died long ago! Hehe

As a friend used to say, "It's human to wonder. It's dickish to wander." The mind is a wonderful world, one where you can get away with a lot. It's our actions we need to control and supervise. I, for example, won't kill my neighbors as I might have fantasized about.

Great advice, thank you both

It's the guilt that is the biggest problem. I'm quite happy to let me mind wander, it's just the feeling that I'm doing something bad and over-indulging that gets to me. Or the feeling that "maybe this could be real if I just..."

I have to let go of that, indulge them for what they are, not feel bad about it and quit trying to pretend I can just make them real. I've told my wife all of this, she thinks it's funny in general, but it's hard for her when they get on top of me. I couldn't deal with it if she wasn't so understanding. I've been with girls before who would use it against me, while pretending they don't do exactly the same thing.

I know I could in theory keep this all to myself, but I just can't. I feel I have to be honest with Emma, about everything. Anything I hold back feels like a ticking time bomb in my chest.

It's the guilt which makes me try to "stop thinking about it". And that is guaranteed to make me think about it even more, and so on. A vicious cycle. It's had me by the balls a bit lately. Sometimes a sleep is what it takes. When I wake up, it's like my subconscious has been to town on it, putting things into perspective and sorting out what is real and what is not.

I gotta let them come, and let them go. I sometimes get this ridiculous rush of excitement along with them that I never used to feel; like it's actually happening. That makes me feel guilty too. But I need to accept I can't stop this happening, and to stop feeling bad about it.

It doesn't help that I spend a lot of time on my own, without the energy to do much. I'm more at the mercy of my imagination.

Thanks so much you guys Talking it through with you really does help me. I have such wonderful friends!

(April 27, 2016 at 1:18 am)Thena323 Wrote: I don't think I'd recognize a midlife crisis due to the fact that I always feel restless to some degree.

If my life has been restless-leg syndrome (and it has), MLC (and mine was pretty mellow, tbh) is doing the Funky Chicken.

(April 27, 2016 at 3:28 am)robvalue Wrote: It doesn't help that I spend a lot of time on my own, without the energy to do much. I'm more at the mercy of my imagination.

Thanks so much you guys Talking it through with you really does help me. I have such wonderful friends!

Fantasizing -- not just about dalliances, but also about lottery winnings, other possible life-turnouts, how you might handle a major-newspaper interview -- I think all those fantasies happen to one extent or another to all people.

'Tis the very nature of imagination, and I think it's the way we're built.

I think you're right. It's just about how honest we are prepared to be, both with ourselves and our partners. Of course, some couples might just be happy not needing to know anything about it. There's nothing wrong with that.

It's not like I bombard Emma with every little thought that goes through my head, just the ones that turn out to be significant in some way; even if they're not rational. My depression is extremely good at twisting things to try and wreck my life, by isolating me. I have to talk about them, or else they consume me. Once they're out in the open, I can see them for what they are.

I'll let you guys know after it hits...

(April 26, 2016 at 8:28 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: I have a muscle car, a Harley, and I like to skydive.

Mid life crisis at 31?

I adopt me mean adopt me like adopt me I'm adopt me not adopt me suggesting adopt me anything but..have you read that thing someone posted that talks about how beneficial it is to adopt an adult?

(April 26, 2016 at 8:28 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: I have a muscle car, a Harley, and I like to skydive.

Mid life crisis at 31?

Beccs. That's why you won't have a midlife crisis. You've got too many fun distractions taking your mind away from the depressing fact that you are smart and beautiful!
So sad! Be strong girl ...try to cope!   hehe (bitch!) you got more toys than me!

(April 27, 2016 at 4:37 am)robvalue Wrote: I think you're right. It's just about how honest we are prepared to be, both with ourselves and our partners. Of course, some couples might just be happy not needing to know anything about it. There's nothing wrong with that.

It's not like I bombard Emma with every little thought that goes through my head, just the ones that turn out to be significant in some way; even if they're not rational. My depression is extremely good at twisting things to try and wreck my life, by isolating me. I have to talk about them, or else they consume me. Once they're out in the open, I can see them for what they are.

Rob, I love the way you self diagnose! You are the patient AND the doctor!