(September 1, 2016 at 10:13 am)Alasdair Ham Wrote:

(September 1, 2016 at 9:20 am)robvalue Wrote: I've found online relationships (including friendly ones), when done well, can be a kind of turbocharged version of a real life relationship. Of course, you have to be very careful it is not an insular one. One person can lead you up the garden path. The more people they also interact with, that you also interact with, the less likey it becomes that this is all some sort of act. It becomes absurd, after a point, to think that.

Of course there is always room for doubt, but that's just as true in real life. Online relationships present many opportunities to demonstrate being trustworthy and reliable. As long as you keep your wits about you and have a healthy amount of scepticism, there's really nothing holding you back. Things like video calls add even more, because it obviously removes the possibility of them being someone totally unlike they describe. Group chats add yet another dimension. And so on.

It just depends. I spend way more time with online friends than I do offline. For people who are the other way round, they're much more likely to vouch for people they know in person instead. In my experience, those I've known in person have let me down continually. As I said, I have only one blood relative on the list and it's not an immediate one; and only one other person from the first 30-ish years of my life.

I feel I've been astronomically lucky with the quality of people I have met on this forum, who have accepted me as a friend.

This post is teeming with value. As per usual! Can't expect any less from Mr. Kabob!

Thanks very much little bro

Zero.

I do trust my sons to not set out to deliberately hurt me, but they're quite capable of fucking things up unintentionally.  I don't know if any of the people in my life would do anything to help me, and I don't bother to find out; I think it's just a thing people say.

People are flaky, flighty, forgetful, and oftentimes mean. I'm not putting my life in anyone else's hands in trusting others to look out for me, or take care of anything of importance to me, unless I have absolutely no other choice. May as well be the kiss of death, as far as I'm concerned.

being serious for the moment,

it depends on who and what for.

Even for my best friend, there would be limits. If he was testifying in court, I would weigh in for his veracity. If he was dealing with his dysfunctional family, I'd have to know all the circumstances as his judgment can get a little wonky when his family members are all going crazy. His attention span has also been described as 'gnat like' and so he does tend to miss things. His long term memory lets him down too.

Yes, that's true. I have some people I would trust a great deal in some capacity, but would be wary of in others.

(September 1, 2016 at 3:37 am)robvalue Wrote: I've been thinking about how many people in my life I truly trust. I'm talking about people that I feel I have had enough experiences with that I could vouch for them. I'm sure you know what I mean, but I'm talking about this kind of thing:

I believe that:

-They would never intentionally hurt me
-I can safely tell them anything in confidence
-I would trust them with the safety of others
-They would never betray me, even if they had the perfect opportunity and could get away with it
-If I needed them, they would do everything in their power to help me

And so on.

So the question is: how many people do you know that you would vouch for? I'm not asking people to name their vouchees of course. It can be both people you know "in real life", and online contacts.

I think I have counted 7. I know many other people who I would feel pretty confident trusting, but I just haven't had enough close contact to be able to vouch for them beyond question.

I don't know about telling someone everything in confidence, there could be some complications with that.

Do you mean if I'd done a horrible crime and told them or me as I am now telling them without me committing a horrible crime?

Anyway, put simply, let's make the requirement of who I can trust who would I lend 10 000 pounds to.

My parents are the only ones I could trust.

(September 1, 2016 at 11:46 am)paulpablo Wrote: Do you mean if I'd done a horrible crime and told them or me as I am now telling them without me committing a horrible crime?

It would put me in dire straits, that's for sure. But I don't know if I would tell the authorities when a person really close to me would confide in me. I would rather try and persuade them to do the right thing.

I'm of a mixed mind on the brother of the UNA bomber also. I don't know if I would have handed him over.

Sure, I would exclude things which might legally require a breach of confidence. Just personal things.

That's a tough one. A lot of people come very close to it, including old friends and family members, but none of them are quite there for me. Some of my friends were there once, but not anymore.

I'd have to say I wouldn't vouch for anyone. It takes a lot to gain my trust. It's all about the power dynamic, I think. I have to either be submissive to them or they submissive to me, both to a significant degree. The former has never happened with anyone, the latter hardly ever and not powerfully enough.

But barring that, there are other forms of trust. You can manipulate people with certain tones of voices, make them not even hear/understand you, or make them not even question what you're saying or think about telling anyone else about it. It's a fine art, everyone does it, few ever recognise it for what it is.

I wouldn't call manipulation a form of trust. I suppose it's an alternate means to an end.

(September 1, 2016 at 1:12 pm)robvalue Wrote: I wouldn't call manipulation a form of trust. I suppose it's an alternate means to an end.

If you manipulate someone well enough you're going to trust them with what you manipulated them into doing.

Manipulation is always at work, whether we notice it or not.