@Drich -

I want to make sure I'm explaining myself clearly to you here. As I said before, if you wanted to come into this thread advocating for women to report sexual assaults when they happen, I am behind you on that. I wouldn't even be personally offended by your callous, "tough love" approach in advocating for that position. If you came in and said something along the lines of, "listen ladies: I know it's scary and painful, but you need to grow some vagina lips and stand up for yourselves, and for future victims," I'd probably be put-off by your lack of sensitivity, but...I agree with you. I know I said some off the cuff comments out of emotion earlier, but I DO think it's critical that women report assaults as soon as possible.

The problem in what you said was your patently false assertion that women who don't report their assaults weren't actually assaulted. It's your failure to acknowledge the factual inaccuracy you put forth regarding the nature sexual assault trauma that is bothersome to me.

Implying that someone is weak, or a baby, or just plain morally wrong for not coming forward is certainly insensitive, but at least you are acknowledging that the allegation of non-consensual sex could potentially be TRUE, despite how you judge the individual's response to the trauma (and despite whether or not it's provable in a court of law). Denying the existence of very real reasons people don't come forward is just willfully ignorant on your part. Do you understand the difference here?

(October 15, 2016 at 10:30 am)LadyForCamus Wrote: @Drich -

I want to make sure I'm explaining myself clearly to you here.  As I said before, if you wanted to come into this thread advocating for women to report sexual assaults when they happen, I am behind you on that.  I wouldn't even be personally offended by your callous, "tough love" approach in advocating for that position.  If you came in and said something along the lines of, "listen ladies:  I know it's scary and painful, but you need to grow some vagina lips and stand up for yourself, and for future victims," I'd probably be off-put by your lack of sensitivity, but...I agree with you.  I know I said some off the cuff comments out of emotion earlier, but I DO think it's critical that women report assaults as soon as possible.

The problem in what you said was your patently false assertion that women who don't report their assaults weren't actually assaulted.  It's your failure to acknowledge the factual inaccuracy you put forth regarding the nature sexual assault trauma that is bothersome to me.  

Implying that someone is weak, or a baby, or just plain morally wrong for not coming forward is certainly insensitive, but at least you are acknowledging that the allegation of non-consent could potentially be TRUE, despite how you judge the individual's response to the trauma.  Denying the existence of very real reasons people don't come forward is just willfully ignorant on your part.  Do you understand the difference here?

Why should women report sexual assault? The norm is to doubt, berate, and blame anyone who has reported it. Rapists with eyewitnesses to the crime don't go to jail for more than a few months, and that's if they go to jail.
It won't be a deterrent because people who commit sexual assault are rarely punished.
Why SHOULD we report it?

(October 15, 2016 at 10:30 am)LadyForCamus Wrote: @Drich -

I want to make sure I'm explaining myself clearly to you here.  As I said before, if you wanted to come into this thread advocating for women to report sexual assaults when they happen, I am behind you on that.  I wouldn't even be personally offended by your callous, "tough love" approach in advocating for that position.  If you came in and said something along the lines of, "listen ladies:  I know it's scary and painful, but you need to grow some vagina lips and stand up for yourself, and for future victims," I'd probably be off-put by your lack of sensitivity, but...I agree with you.  I know I said some off the cuff comments out of emotion earlier, but I DO think it's critical that women report assaults as soon as possible.

The problem in what you said was your patently false assertion that women who don't report their assaults weren't actually assaulted.  It's your failure to acknowledge the factual inaccuracy you put forth regarding the nature sexual assault trauma that is bothersome to me.  

Implying that someone is weak, or a baby, or just plain morally wrong for not coming forward is certainly insensitive, but at least you are acknowledging that the allegation of non-consensual could potentially be TRUE, despite how you judge the individual's response to the trauma (and despite whether or not it's provable in a court of law).  Denying the existence of very real reasons people don't come forward is just willfully ignorant on your part.  Do you understand the difference here?

^This

(October 15, 2016 at 10:44 am)Mermaid Wrote:

(October 15, 2016 at 10:30 am)LadyForCamus Wrote: @Drich -

I want to make sure I'm explaining myself clearly to you here.  As I said before, if you wanted to come into this thread advocating for women to report sexual assaults when they happen, I am behind you on that.  I wouldn't even be personally offended by your callous, "tough love" approach in advocating for that position.  If you came in and said something along the lines of, "listen ladies:  I know it's scary and painful, but you need to grow some vagina lips and stand up for yourself, and for future victims," I'd probably be off-put by your lack of sensitivity, but...I agree with you.  I know I said some off the cuff comments out of emotion earlier, but I DO think it's critical that women report assaults as soon as possible.

The problem in what you said was your patently false assertion that women who don't report their assaults weren't actually assaulted.  It's your failure to acknowledge the factual inaccuracy you put forth regarding the nature sexual assault trauma that is bothersome to me.  

Implying that someone is weak, or a baby, or just plain morally wrong for not coming forward is certainly insensitive, but at least you are acknowledging that the allegation of non-consent could potentially be TRUE, despite how you judge the individual's response to the trauma.  Denying the existence of very real reasons people don't come forward is just willfully ignorant on your part.  Do you understand the difference here?

Why should women report sexual assault? The norm is to doubt, berate, and blame anyone who has reported it. Rapists with eyewitnesses to the crime don't go to jail for more than a few months, and that's if they go to jail.

Why SHOULD we report it?

I understand where you're coming from. I've been there. And yeah, it's infuriating. But I think it's important (at least for me it was) to stand up and say out loud - "I'm a human being, and what was done to me is NOT okay." Even if no one listens. You're saying it for yourself. I was dragged into the police station practically kicking and screaming by my friends, lol, and nothing came of if it. But in hindsight, I'm glad I took that stand for my own humanity. I think I would have regretted not reporting. But that's me. I'm only one silly person after all. [emoji12]. I'm not sure what the research says about psychological healing with regards to reporting versus not reporting, if any exists at all. Any one got anything?

I was a juror in a serial rapist trial several years ago. The guy was being accused of raping five different women. All of them took the stand to testify. In the end, we found him guilty of all charges and he got life in prison.

Unfortunately justice isn't always served. But sometimes it is. Either way, it's always worth it to speak up for yourself.

EDIT TO ADD: http://www.wtol.com/story/9960215/shahee...-in-prison

^That was it.

(October 15, 2016 at 11:00 am)LadyForCamus Wrote:

(October 15, 2016 at 10:44 am)Mermaid Wrote: Why should women report sexual assault? The norm is to doubt, berate, and blame anyone who has reported it. Rapists with eyewitnesses to the crime don't go to jail for more than a few months, and that's if they go to jail.

Why SHOULD we report it?

I understand where you're coming from.  I've been there.  And yeah, it's infuriating.  But I think it's important (at least for me it was) to stand up and say out loud - "I'm a human being, and what was done to me is NOT okay."  Even if no one listens.  You're saying it for yourself.  I was dragged into the police station practically kicking and screaming by my friends, lol, and nothing came of if it.  But in hindsight, I'm glad I took that stand for my own humanity.  I think I would have regretted not reporting.  But that's me.  I'm only one silly person after all.  [emoji12]. I'm not sure what the research says about psychological healing with regards to reporting versus not reporting, if any exists at all.  Any one got anything?

I reported being raped when I was 15. I was doubted, berated by people who heard the rumors, accused of lying and/or asking for it because of where I was walking, and a rape kit was collected but never processed. I gave a humiliating statement in front of my mother and several male police officers, and in the end, exactly nothing was done. It was not taken seriously at all. I am not even sure the town police believed me. If they did, they did absolutely nothing about it.

It would have been an easier experience for me to just not report it, I think.

I am so sorry...

(October 15, 2016 at 11:23 am)Catholic_Lady Wrote: I am so sorry...

Thanks. I am fine. It's just my insider's perspective on why women don't report sexual assault.

(October 15, 2016 at 11:14 am)Mermaid Wrote:

(October 15, 2016 at 11:00 am)LadyForCamus Wrote: I understand where you're coming from.  I've been there.  And yeah, it's infuriating.  But I think it's important (at least for me it was) to stand up and say out loud - "I'm a human being, and what was done to me is NOT okay."  Even if no one listens.  You're saying it for yourself.  I was dragged into the police station practically kicking and screaming by my friends, lol, and nothing came of if it.  But in hindsight, I'm glad I took that stand for my own humanity.  I think I would have regretted not reporting.  But that's me.  I'm only one silly person after all.  [emoji12]. I'm not sure what the research says about psychological healing with regards to reporting versus not reporting, if any exists at all.  Any one got anything?

I reported being raped when I was 15. I was doubted, berated by people who heard the rumors, accused of lying and/or asking for it because of where I was walking, and a rape kit was collected but never processed. I gave a humiliating statement in front of my mother and several male police officers, and in the end, exactly nothing was done. It was not taken seriously at all. I am not even sure the town police believed me. If they did, they did absolutely nothing about it.

It would have been an easier experience for me to just not report it, I think.

So, so sorry to hear that Mermaid.      I know, it's awful.  I don't know why we can't do better in this country.  I think it would help if women weren't constantly berated for "attention-seeking" or "playing the victim" every time we talk about our experiences.  The statistics speak for themselves.  If people want to live with their fingers in their ears because it's "icky" that's their own issue.   Just because we don't let sexual assault define us as individuals that doesn't mean we should feel ashamed or embarrassed to even bring it up!  Why should it still be so taboo?  No one gets an eye-roll in response when talking about their house getting broken into, or having been robbed at gun point.  

(October 15, 2016 at 11:07 am)Catholic_Lady Wrote: I was a juror in a serial rapist trial several years ago. The guy was being accused of raping five different women. All of them took the stand to testify. In the end, we found him guilty of all charges and he got life in prison.

Unfortunately justice isn't always served. But sometimes it is. Either way, it's always worth it to speak up for yourself.

EDIT TO ADD: http://www.wtol.com/story/9960215/shahee...-in-prison

^That was it.

Whoa, that's so interesting CL!  How was that?  Were you incredibly nervous to make a decision or did you feel pretty confident about the case against the guy?