I agree with the others who've said atheism is not a way of life but simply an absence of belief in gods. Being confined to traditional, gender-conforming roles doesn't work for me but if you and your boyfriend agree on who is going to do what in your relationship, who am I to judge?

The only advice I have for you is to finish your education! Education is a great way to be exposed to other points of view and other ways of living that don't necessarily fall into line with your own ideas.

-Teresa

(August 7, 2017 at 9:34 pm)Tres Leches Wrote: I agree with the others who've said atheism is not a way of life but simply an absence of belief in gods. Being confined to traditional, gender-conforming roles doesn't work for me but if you and your boyfriend agree on who is going to do what in your relationship, who am I to judge?

The only advice I have for you is to finish your education! Education is a great way to be exposed to other points of view and other ways of living that don't necessarily fall into line with your own ideas.

-Teresa

A rational, intelligent and intellectually honest person, one would hope. Armed with evidence that such a relationship is demonstrably harmful. That's who you could be, to judge.

(August 7, 2017 at 9:50 pm)Astonished Wrote:

(August 7, 2017 at 9:34 pm)Tres Leches Wrote: I agree with the others who've said atheism is not a way of life but simply an absence of belief in gods. Being confined to traditional, gender-conforming roles doesn't work for me but if you and your boyfriend agree on who is going to do what in your relationship, who am I to judge?

The only advice I have for you is to finish your education! Education is a great way to be exposed to other points of view and other ways of living that don't necessarily fall into line with your own ideas.

-Teresa

A rational, intelligent and intellectually honest person, one would hope. Armed with evidence that such a relationship is demonstrably harmful. That's who you could be, to judge.

I was actually going to add in "and doesn't hurt anyone" to my post but was too lazy to edit it lol.
Thank you for pointing that out.

-Teresa

(August 7, 2017 at 9:50 pm)Astonished Wrote:

(August 7, 2017 at 9:34 pm)Tres Leches Wrote: I agree with the others who've said atheism is not a way of life but simply an absence of belief in gods. Being confined to traditional, gender-conforming roles doesn't work for me but if you and your boyfriend agree on who is going to do what in your relationship, who am I to judge?

The only advice I have for you is to finish your education! Education is a great way to be exposed to other points of view and other ways of living that don't necessarily fall into line with your own ideas.

-Teresa

A rational, intelligent and intellectually honest person, one would hope. Armed with evidence that such a relationship is demonstrably harmful. That's who you could be, to judge.

What's harmful about a traditional relationship?

In relation to the original post where both participants enjoy the traditional male or female role in the relationship.

Saying someone is "confined" to gender conforming roles makes it sound bad, but being confined to what you want, until/if you change your mind, is just part of making decisions. 

Someone who's a dominatrix lesbian with a female partner is confined to that role for as long as they participate in it just as a female who is traditionally married and cooks, cleans looks after kids while he goes to work is confined to that role.

I married a textbook traditional wife!
(She does the inside work, I do the outside stuff)
It works... religion not necessary ...
Funny thing is her parents were exactly the same (and non religious).
The wife's sister is exactly the same with her husband.
It's just a traditional thing (whatever that means) You know .....like back in the day...

(August 7, 2017 at 9:50 pm)Astonished Wrote:

(August 7, 2017 at 9:34 pm)Tres Leches Wrote: I agree with the others who've said atheism is not a way of life but simply an absence of belief in gods. Being confined to traditional, gender-conforming roles doesn't work for me but if you and your boyfriend agree on who is going to do what in your relationship, who am I to judge?

The only advice I have for you is to finish your education! Education is a great way to be exposed to other points of view and other ways of living that don't necessarily fall into line with your own ideas.

-Teresa

A rational, intelligent and intellectually honest person, one would hope. Armed with evidence that such a relationship is demonstrably harmful. That's who you could be, to judge.

Evidence?

(August 7, 2017 at 5:43 pm)Thegoodatheist Wrote:

(August 7, 2017 at 5:27 pm)Crossless2.0 Wrote:

---

I'm not really clear on what you mean by "traditional" roles . . . that he works and you enjoy cooking and housework? Meh. If that's what makes you a happy, functioning couple, knock yourselves out! To each his/her own.

What is your field of study? Do you plan to work once you've graduated? If so, does that strike you as somehow 'untraditional'? Is it a possible source of friction in your relationship?

Anyway, welcome and congratulations on your engagement.

---

I suppose what I mean is traditional roles of male and female. The man provides and the woman keeps up the household. 

---

My field of study I haven't determined. I am taking college slow and just getting a ton of general classes out of the way. 

I am thinking either nutrition or pharmacology. Both of which are fairly different. 

I fully support anyone's choice of way of life. I understand that there are many ways to live, but mine just happens to be what works for me. 

I was just curious if if was common. 

Also my previous christian life didn't create completely my idea on gender roles. I grew up in a house with a father who was from Laos who instilled the idea of set gender roles (and those ideas weren't presented as a go along with God). 

I don't want to tell other people how to live, nor should people tell me how to live. 

I believe everyone should be compassionate about other people's lives.. which includes being tolerate of beliefs even if you disagree. 

I think there's some atheist who are very angry and I am not an angry atheist. I care about people and I care about people being happy. I think if being religious makes you happy that's okay and if not believing is what brings you joy okay. 

People strive to feel like they are right and no one is really right. What works for you might not work for everyone. 

I feel like some people who come off very angry may put people off the message that's presented. If a Christian is telling you you're gonna burn in hell that might not make you want a bible (although you shouldn't want one), but similarly if an atheist is telling a Christian they're stupid that isn't helpful either. 

Opening up an honest and civil dialogue is extremely important!

---

The man provides and the woman keeps up the household.  Hmm.  
Well, historically speaking, even two generations ago this was the ONLY choice for a woman.  Biologically speaking, it made sense to keep the women and children at home, because a pregnant female couldn't fight or hunt very well, and somebody had to care for the children.  This "traditional role" was dictated by the fact that females popped out a baby every year or so until they died in childbirth at the ripe old age of 35.  If they were tough enough to make it that long.  During these times, education and career was a non-issue for both males and females.

Now, you are going to school and you might decide that you want a career.  You might face the same situation most young adults face, that most households need two incomes to function well.  And you might also consider that a man shouldering the role of "sole breadwinner" is actually carrying a large burden.  Losing a job can be a terrible blow if the inability to provide means you are "not a man".  This is an unequal relationship, where the male has all of the power - he supplies the wife with an allowance and it's HIS money so he gets to say how it is spent.  

I have known some bright, educated women who made the choice (with their husband) to be a stay-at-home Mom.  Of course, the husband of my first example is a well-known plastic surgeon, who would brag to everyone within earshot that HIS wife didn't HAVE to work.  I also know a stay-at-home Dad.  The woman made three times as much money as he did, so he chose to take care of the kids and the house.  He taught himself a lot of home improvement skills along the way - he has remodeled most of the house, it's quite beautiful.  But some jerks sneer behind his back - call him a "manny".  I hope those attitudes change soon.

As you can tell, I'm an "old lady".  I believe that a couple can do well as long as there is honesty and good communication.  But I'm wary of unequal relationships.  I think that we have moved past the era where the husband is KING of his castle, and the wife does all of the cooking and cleaning.  I would vote for equally respected careers and equal distribution of household duties - but that's just me.

Encouraging someone who's been brainwashed into accepting a role as a perpetual inferior and submissive servant to continue to embrace that demeaning identity and not aspire to anything loftier? Maybe I read between the lines a bit too heavily but that's what I got out of it. Carry on.

(August 8, 2017 at 9:47 am)Astonished Wrote: Encouraging someone who's been brainwashed into accepting a role as a perpetual inferior and submissive servant to continue to embrace that demeaning identity and not aspire to anything loftier? Maybe I read between the lines a bit too heavily but that's what I got out of it. Carry on.

In this case you're reading a biography inbetween a few words.  But you could be completely right.

Here is a great analysis of "traditional" marriage. http://www.fashionbeans.com/content/traditional-marriage-would-truly-shock-our-ancestors-but-not-for-the-reason-you-think?rtg=dailyvibeshp-sMcfJR¶m4=fsb-fni-fbss-1789-us-de-ocpm¶m5=10154605183736186¶m6=23842615540350776