(January 5, 2018 at 10:16 pm)Clueless Morgan Wrote: Crying again today but not as much as yesterday.

Who knew that treating breast cancer would be the easy part - surviving after turns out to be what's giving me anxiety.

<gives e-hug>

(January 5, 2018 at 10:16 pm)Clueless Morgan Wrote: Crying again today but not as much as yesterday.

Who knew that treating breast cancer would be the easy part - surviving after turns out to be what's giving me anxiety.

how can we help you, 
how we can support you, 
how we can comfort you ???...
you are a support for me ❤so fight .. because without you I will fall!!

Lots of love

(January 5, 2018 at 10:31 pm)Whateverist Wrote: What are you allowed to do and what would you like to do while you recuperate?  Are there any ways you can reward/compensate yourself for all you've done for your survival so that there can be more joy right now?

(January 5, 2018 at 10:39 pm)KittyAnn Wrote: how can we help you, 
how we can support you, 
how we can comfort you ???...
you are a support for me ❤so fight .. because without you I will fall!!

Lots of love

My anxiety is in the realm of right now being convinced I'm going to have a recurrence and when that will happen. My mom is my primary caregiver and she's not going to be around forever... My dad has been talking about how much longer he'll be around (He's turning 67 next week)... I'm not married nor in a relationship... My best friend has a number of medical problems herself... My sisters both live far away... So if something does happen who would I rely on?

I'm basically having a "survivor crisis" and thinking I need to find a boyfriend or get married or something but this is a shit reason to do that and not fair to the guy. If I do have a recurrence it's totally unfair to put a guy through that - if he even stuck around for it; if I don't then I'll always know that the reason I went looking for this guy was to have someone there to watch me die.

Plus that means that I would have to date and I hate dating.

So... Crying - not right now but that's pretty much why.

(January 5, 2018 at 11:04 pm)Clueless Morgan Wrote:

(January 5, 2018 at 10:31 pm)Whateverist Wrote: What are you allowed to do and what would you like to do while you recuperate?  Are there any ways you can reward/compensate yourself for all you've done for your survival so that there can be more joy right now?

(January 5, 2018 at 10:39 pm)KittyAnn Wrote: how can we help you, 
how we can support you, 
how we can comfort you ???...
you are a support for me ❤so fight .. because without you I will fall!!

Lots of love

My anxiety is in the realm of right now being convinced I'm going to have a recurrence and when that will happen. My mom is my primary caregiver and she's not going to be around forever... My dad has been talking about how much longer he'll be around (He's turning 67 next week)... I'm not married nor in a relationship... My best friend has a number of medical problems herself... My sisters both live far away... So if something does happen who would I rely on?

I'm basically having a "survivor crisis" and thinking I need to find a boyfriend or get married or something but this is a shit reason to do that and not fair to the guy. If I do have a recurrence it's totally unfair to put a guy through that - if he even stuck around for it; if I don't then I'll always know that the reason I went looking for this guy was to have someone there to watch me die.

Plus that means that I would have to date and I hate dating.

So... Crying - not right now but that's pretty much why.

Pretty drunk and stoned tbh

Watching figure skating.

About to have something to eat. 

(January 5, 2018 at 11:04 pm)Clueless Morgan Wrote: My anxiety is in the realm of right now being convinced I'm going to have a recurrence and when that will happen. My mom is my primary caregiver and she's not going to be around forever... My dad has been talking about how much longer he'll be around (He's turning 67 next week)... I'm not married nor in a relationship... My best friend has a number of medical problems herself... My sisters both live far away... So if something does happen who would I rely on?

I'm basically having a "survivor crisis" and thinking I need to find a boyfriend or get married or something but this is a shit reason to do that and not fair to the guy. If I do have a recurrence it's totally unfair to put a guy through that - if he even stuck around for it; if I don't then I'll always know that the reason I went looking for this guy was to have someone there to watch me die.

Plus that means that I would have to date and I hate dating.

So... Crying - not right now but that's pretty much why.

If you can try to stop future tripping. Sometimes it's enough that you have today. This does not mean that you don't need to constructively think about the future, just don't live there.

JFC, how fucking 12 stepper is that?

Got back from being over at my grandparents’. I feel kinda fucking sad. Thinking about all these things, from clothing through career choice to my personal life that they expect from me and would happily decide about for me is honestly stressful. Because in the end I just really don’t want to disappoint anybody. But I’ve been living a lie long enough and even then they didn’t seem content so what’s the point? Might as well be how I want to be.

Sorry, grandma. I know you didn’t see it coming. But hey, if you’re constantly unhappy but I go from being constantly unhappy to happy, the total amount of happiness in the world increases so it’s a good thing, right?
Eh. Just glad my gay ass is outta there for now.

Cool Vic...
Just don't let those backwards cold war commies at the Serbian secret service find out.
They're just too old fashioned and will never understand...