Our server costs ~$56 per month to run. Please consider donating or becoming a Patron to help keep the site running. Help us gain new members by following us on Twitter and liking our page on Facebook!
Current time: November 8, 2024, 5:14 pm

Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Aziz Ansari Doesn't Pick Up On "Non-Verbal Cues" and Gets Treated Like A Rapist
RE: Aziz Ansari Doesn't Pick Up On "Non-Verbal Cues" and Gets Treated Like A Rapist
(January 18, 2018 at 2:43 pm)J a c k Wrote:
(January 18, 2018 at 2:25 pm)Catholic_Lady Wrote: Let's go back to the comment I made. It was this:


I dont mention religion or being religious at all here, and it was by no means meant to be a religious comment.

A person need not be Catholic to have this view of sex, and Im sure there are atheists out there who also think that hook up culture/porn/using each other in bed is unhealthy and counterproductive to having a better sense of respect for other people. I'm sure there are atheists who also think it's a positive thing for sex to be a language of self giving love and commitment to another person, verses just using each other for pleasure in a one night stand. This can be just as much a humanist approach, and Catholicism doesn't have ownership to this, just as it doesn't have ownership to many other views on morality.  

I'd like to think I'd still have this view of sexuality even if I wasn't religious... simply because it seems the healthiest and makes the most logical sense to me. I made that comment because I was voicing my honest response to the post above it. I in no way meant to push Catholic agenda by doing so (still not sure what that even means).

CL, let me tell you why I want to be extra clear that I’m not offended by that post and while I disagree, I still understand how someone can think that way.
It’s important to me, because you and I have participated in threads in which I was actually offended and felt deeply about my counter arguments, threads which were also about sexual assault. That was actually the first interaction I ever had with you, I think. Ever since then I try to keep away from rapey threads, to avoid conflict and unnecessary stress. I promised myself I’d keep calm during the duration of this one, because I found it interesting to discuss and to see how people feel about this specific case. I’m happy to see I’ve kept my cool, and more importantly, that I haven’t even seen anything that could offend me. Perhaps I’m growing up, too (like pool lol)? And the thing is that I really do understand where you’re coming from there, even when I disagree. In this particular case. I still feel strongly about my disagreements regarding other issues, but I want to be super clear that I don’t feel like that post was offensive.

Omg I’m being so redundant today lol

Thanks girl. That post was to clarify for those people accusing me of trying to push my agenda, and I knew you weren't one of them.

I'm sorry to hear I upset you so deeply in a past thread about rape. While I dont recal such a thread, let me reiterate that I would never think of rape as anything other than a horrible, evil thing, and never ever the victim's fault. I'm sorry if I ever may have given you a different impression somehow.
"Of course, everyone will claim they respect someone who tries to speak the truth, but in reality, this is a rare quality. Most respect those who speak truths they agree with, and their respect for the speaking only extends as far as their realm of personal agreement. It is less common, almost to the point of becoming a saintly virtue, that someone truly respects and loves the truth seeker, even when their conclusions differ wildly." 

-walsh
RE: Aziz Ansari Doesn't Pick Up On "Non-Verbal Cues" and Gets Treated Like A Rapist
(January 18, 2018 at 3:03 pm)Thena323 Wrote: Affirmative consent isn’t based on the idea that every sexual encounter is a rigid contract between two parties. No one is suggesting that college students need to run through a checklist before unbuttoning each other’s shirts. Instead, it’s more about broadly reorienting about how we approach sex in the first place.

My bold.

Is it saying that what we call normal consensual sex is neither normal nor consensual?

I don't get the part about no one suggesting the running through a checklist... because that is what affirmative consent would seem to imply. Because there are no clear rules on what precise actions would and wouldn't need affirmative consent... the only clear boundary would be "everything" which would involve a checklist, and contracts, and impossible robotic sex where perfectly normal and rational and decent people and innocent people could get falsely accused of rape because they slipped up when they didn't follow every single instruction down to the most microscopic details. I do not understand.

Fuck MRA. I'm a feminist and I hate the MRA. Men don't need their rights fought for. But this isn't about men. This is about the fact that this movement ISN'T feminism. Affirmative consent could never actually work in practice. It would lead to no sex ever at best and regular false accusations of sexual assault at worst. Demonizing men has absolutely nothing to do with feminism.
RE: Aziz Ansari Doesn't Pick Up On "Non-Verbal Cues" and Gets Treated Like A Rapist
No, but it it does suggest that some of the things me may now or have previously thought was consensual sex doesn't really fit into that set.
I am the Infantry. I am my country’s strength in war, her deterrent in peace. I am the heart of the fight… wherever, whenever. I carry America’s faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained Soldier in the world. In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country’s trust. Always I fight on…through the foe, to the objective, to triumph overall. If necessary, I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage, I have won more than 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds, For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not, my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever. I AM THE INFANTRY! FOLLOW ME!
RE: Aziz Ansari Doesn't Pick Up On "Non-Verbal Cues" and Gets Treated Like A Rapist
So after reading everyones posts about consent it got me thinking.

She sexually assaulted him. Because he pointed to his penis and she started sucking. Pointing does not equal consent. His reaction was to bury his shame internally and put on a facade the next day during texts as if this assault didn't happen. Even putting her feelings ahead of his.

Did he run to the police or run to the media (using a fake name but her real name)? No. He had to live the rest of his life with this burden. Knowing that he was violated. But the icing on the cake is that now he is the victim of a scandal (not just the victim of a sexual assault).

Knowing the very thing he once fought to protect, betrayed his trust. yes he was a "guardian of the vagina" (as shellB would call it). So it's like blow after blow. Life is cruel if you're a short comedian guy who is aged 36.

Surely there isn't a God. Look at this example, oh and also bone cancer in children.
RE: Aziz Ansari Doesn't Pick Up On "Non-Verbal Cues" and Gets Treated Like A Rapist
all the internets!
I am the Infantry. I am my country’s strength in war, her deterrent in peace. I am the heart of the fight… wherever, whenever. I carry America’s faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained Soldier in the world. In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country’s trust. Always I fight on…through the foe, to the objective, to triumph overall. If necessary, I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage, I have won more than 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds, For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not, my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever. I AM THE INFANTRY! FOLLOW ME!
RE: Aziz Ansari Doesn't Pick Up On "Non-Verbal Cues" and Gets Treated Like A Rapist
(January 18, 2018 at 3:07 pm)Hammy Wrote:
(January 18, 2018 at 3:03 pm)Thena323 Wrote: Affirmative consent isn’t based on the idea that every sexual encounter is a rigid contract between two parties. No one is suggesting that college students need to run through a checklist before unbuttoning each other’s shirts. Instead, it’s more about broadly reorienting about how we approach sex in the first place.

Is it saying that what we call normal consensual sex is neither normal nor consensual?
 
I don't know what you consider to be normal and consensual. I usually try communication and clarity instead of pushing and coercion. For me, that is normal and consensual.

It actually is fairly easy most of the time: don't make assumptions, go slow enough that you can get proper feedback, ask if unsure, etc.

Mixed signals can still happen, but being nice instead of a jerk goes along, long way.
RE: Aziz Ansari Doesn't Pick Up On "Non-Verbal Cues" and Gets Treated Like A Rapist
(January 18, 2018 at 3:04 pm)LadyForCamus Wrote: When did this thread switch from attacking positions to attacking each other?  Can’t we ever just say, “guess we’re not going to see eye to eye on this one guys; let’s walk away”, rather than devolving into twenty pages of nasty personal attacks and shit slinging?

In my experience it just means it's time to spend more time alone until you don't care enough to get personal anymore.

I don't feel the need to insult anymore!

Now make fun of people for laughs, that I CAN do! Big Grin
RE: Aziz Ansari Doesn't Pick Up On "Non-Verbal Cues" and Gets Treated Like A Rapist
Quote:Is it saying that what we call normal consensual sex is neither normal nor consensual?
Not sure what you consider normal consensual . But does not sound like mine .
Seek strength, not to be greater than my brother, but to fight my greatest enemy -- myself.

Inuit Proverb

RE: Aziz Ansari Doesn't Pick Up On "Non-Verbal Cues" and Gets Treated Like A Rapist
(January 18, 2018 at 2:25 pm)Catholic_Lady Wrote: Let's go back to the comment I made. It was this:

(January 16, 2018 at 5:52 pm)Catholic_Lady Wrote: I agree.

Maybe we should try getting to the root of the problem? Promote sexual morality and respect for self and others. Discourage hook up culture. Discourage porn use. Discourage men and women using each other in bed...

Promote the radical idea that sex is a language of self giving love and commitment.

Now there's a thought.

I dont mention religion or being religious at all here, and it was by no means meant to be a religious comment.

A person need not be Catholic to have this view of sex, and Im sure there are atheists out there who also think that hook up culture/porn/using each other in bed is unhealthy and counterproductive to having a better sense of respect for other people. I'm sure there are atheists who also think it's a positive thing for sex to be a language of self giving love and commitment to another person, verses just using each other for pleasure in a one night stand. This can be just as much a humanist approach, and Catholicism doesn't have ownership to this, just as it doesn't have ownership to many other views on morality.  

I'd like to think I'd still have this view of sexuality even if I wasn't religious... simply because it seems the healthiest and makes the most logical sense to me. I made that comment because I was voicing my honest response to the post above it. I in no way meant to push Catholic agenda by doing so (still not sure what that even means).

Your comment was just fine. The irony with it is, if you were an atheist saying that same thing, you wouldn't have been judged for it. It would have been totally accepted and you would have even gotten a few extra kudos for it. But, because you are a theist, more specifically a catholic, some people here will always have issues with what you say, regardless. Those are the people who should not be talking about acceptance of others when they can't even see past their own indifferences. 

Many people seem to have issues with theists here, on all fronts - not just on subjects revolving around religion. This is sad because people are so much more than being religious or non-religious. A Theist makes some wonderful hats and when he posts pictures of them, he gets a lot of kudos. So why is it that some individuals here can't get away from their own hate towards religion when it comes to the non-religious things you say? Probably because they would instantly cut off their nose to spite their face rather than admit that you might have a valid point about something that had nothing to do with religion. 

What's sad about all of that is that those who seem to take issue with every word you say and want to judge you harshly for you being you, seem to have forgotten that they left their own closet door open and a bunch of skeletons fell out in the process.
Disclaimer: I am only responsible for what I say, not what you choose to understand. 
(November 14, 2018 at 8:57 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: Have a good day at work.  If we ever meet in a professional setting, let me answer your question now.  Yes, I DO want fries with that.
RE: Aziz Ansari Doesn't Pick Up On "Non-Verbal Cues" and Gets Treated Like A Rapist
(January 18, 2018 at 3:12 pm)polymath257 Wrote:
(January 18, 2018 at 3:07 pm)Hammy Wrote: Is it saying that what we call normal consensual sex is neither normal nor consensual?
 
I don't know what you consider to be normal and consensual. I usually try communication and clarity instead of pushing and coercion. For me, that is normal and consensual.

It actually is fairly easy most of the time: don't make assumptions, go slow enough that you can get proper feedback, ask if unsure, etc.

Mixed signals can still happen, but being nice instead of a jerk goes along, long way.

I'm always on the insanely cautious side. But if a woman grabs my dick I'm not going to ask something like "Am I allowed to touch your body too?"

I consider normal consensual sex to be normal consensual sex. If two people are having passionate sex... all spontaneously... then spontaneous sexual movements that weren't agreed upon beforehand isn't rape. Missing vague signals isn't rape. Ignoring verbal demands to stop all sexual contact is rape.

In fact, having it agreed to upon beforehand is far more rapey.



Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  45 gets 34... Ravenshire 56 3421 June 6, 2024 at 8:41 am
Last Post: Angrboda
  SpaceX gets FAA launch approval, provided they fund interest groups HappySkeptic 10 1166 June 15, 2022 at 2:07 pm
Last Post: Thumpalumpacus
  It doesn't matter what you think Pope. Brian37 21 1873 April 5, 2021 at 9:26 am
Last Post: The Architect Of Fate
  Misinformation drops dramatically after Trump gets banned from Twitter TaraJo 22 2364 January 20, 2021 at 9:59 am
Last Post: Gawdzilla Sama
  UK Police officer gets stuck in handcuffs in training zebo-the-fat 10 1332 August 19, 2020 at 4:57 pm
Last Post: BrianSoddingBoru4
  Border Control Gets Bipartisan Support onlinebiker 20 1936 August 6, 2020 at 11:05 pm
Last Post: The Architect Of Fate
Thumbs Up Last Non-winter onlinebiker 110 7459 April 6, 2020 at 4:12 am
Last Post: The Architect Of Fate
  BREAKING:The exclusion of the UK and non-Schengen countries like Ireland from the ban WinterHold 6 917 March 14, 2020 at 6:49 pm
Last Post: Rev. Rye
  MAGA "Tough Guy " Gets His Clock Cleaned By Immigrant In The UFC The Architect Of Fate 28 3434 December 19, 2019 at 5:28 pm
Last Post: The Architect Of Fate
  Bus Driver who raped 14-year old gets no Jail TIme Divinity 4 697 April 30, 2019 at 11:18 am
Last Post: Jackalope



Users browsing this thread: 9 Guest(s)