I was thinking when I was taking a shower earlier tonight, about all of the people, events and things that have changed me in the past five years. My grandmother (my dad's mom) died about three years ago, and I never thought I'd stop crying. I felt like the mourning process would last forever, and that every thought would be tainted with pain and sorrow. But, then one day, I stopped crying, and felt joy when thinking of her. And then there were ex boyfriends who treated me badly, and I never thought I'd recover, or stop going back to them. I had to really look at why I kept attracting assholes, and why I thought so little of myself, that I kept dating players. Toxic friends as well, online and offline, who I let steal my happiness, I also thought I'd never get past. But, I did. Time doesn't heal all wounds, it's what you do with the time, that does that. I've bumped into an ex bf a time or two since getting married last year, and they are still the same lost, pathetic souls they always were, but me? I've grown.

I'm better and stronger. 

I never thought I'd let myself be vulnerable enough after all that pain to love again, but I did. And I got married last year to an amazing guy. Maybe we have to go through a lot of bad stuff to get to a better place. 

Can you relate? What things have changed you?

Firstly congrats D, for being a strong person and not becoming a victim...
My father was my best teacher ...

He was SO bad that I studied psychology to try to work out what he was all about.
And I did (he was your garden variety narcissistic sociopath)

Doing that changed me permanently ...and for the better.

(March 28, 2018 at 10:53 pm)ignoramus Wrote: Firstly congrats D, for being a strong person and not becoming a victim...
My father was my best teacher ...

He was SO bad that I studied psychology to try to work out what he was all about.
And I did (he was your garden variety narcissistic sociopath)

Doing that changed me permanently ...and for the better.

I'm proud of you, that's a beautiful ending to what could have been a tragic story. I used to be attracted to sociopaths, like maybe there's something in us that thinks we can help or change them, but we can't. I'm glad that the experience didn't change you for the worse. 

Some people wear their intimate lives on a shirt sleeve! Mine is on a Pay-View-Channel!

I used to be a sweet kid.  Then the ieds went off.

I was an outcast during most of my school years. No friends, no relationships which left me vulnerable to harassment by other kids. It also made me severely depressed. Got into boxing and other martial arts for self defense. Grew to love training. Confidence grew. From there i got into meditation and other stuff that really helped me but that's a whole nother story. Ever see the movie Central Intelligence with Dwayne Johnson? Well i can very much relate to the transition. 

Death from relatives helped me become more aware of how vulnerable i am to it. One moment you're speaking to a relative, next thing you know they are gone. Just like that. Without warning. You better believe i'm going to make the best of my time on earth while i'm still alive.  

Quote:Time doesn't heal all wounds, it's what you do with the time, that does that.

Wise. Keep following thy heart. 

(March 28, 2018 at 10:37 pm)*Deidre* Wrote: I was thinking when I was taking a shower earlier tonight, about all of the people, events and things that have changed me in the past five years. My grandmother (my dad's mom) died about three years ago, and I never thought I'd stop crying. I felt like the mourning process would last forever, and that every thought would be tainted with pain and sorrow. But, then one day, I stopped crying, and felt joy when thinking of her. And then there were ex boyfriends who treated me badly, and I never thought I'd recover, or stop going back to them. I had to really look at why I kept attracting assholes, and why I thought so little of myself, that I kept dating players. Toxic friends as well, online and offline, who I let steal my happiness, I also thought I'd never get past. But, I did. Time doesn't heal all wounds, it's what you do with the time, that does that. I've bumped into an ex bf a time or two since getting married last year, and they are still the same lost, pathetic souls they always were, but me? I've grown.

I'm better and stronger. 

I never thought I'd let myself be vulnerable enough after all that pain to love again, but I did. And I got married last year to an amazing guy. Maybe we have to go through a lot of bad stuff to get to a better place. 

Can you relate? What things have changed you?

During my senior year at college, I had a German mentor who completely destroyed my self-confidence as a student. She was brilliant and easily refuted virtually every sentence that came out of my mouth. She grilled me relentlessly and never gave me an inch. However, she also cared enough to stick with me and guide me through my last big research paper. I learned more from that one experience than in my entire last year, and I owe much of who I am to her. It's crazy how the people you least expect can leave such a big mark on your identity and future.

Nothing has ever changed me.  For as long as I can remember, I have been the paragon of virtue, moral rectitude and humility you have all come to know and admire.

Boru

Biggest 'sea change' for me was AIDS crisis of the 80s and 90s. That includes my hospice volunteering too.

Second place goes to 12 Steppers, which occurred just prior (barely) to the AIDS crisis.


Would not care to repeat either experience at my current age.