She's not interested and might be letting you down easy, as best she can.  Not all people are gifted at navigating the dating world or other human beings.  You've let your intentions be known, move on and if she is interested she can come to you.   It sounds like you need to find someone else to give you the answer you want to hear, they are out there, go find them.

(June 1, 2018 at 4:23 am)Libertarian God Wrote: I ask a friend of mine out on a date she says she will have to think about it because she recently returned from a year long service project and is having difficulty adjusting. Now, I think she is just not that interested. I have consulted others and they have told me that I am not entitled to know the reason why. Even though i think it's fair if she would just tell me straight up she isn't interested. I mean I have tried being persistent. I have talked to her about it twice, and she throws out the same response. I don't want to harass her, but part of me thinks that she should just be straight up and tell me I'm not interested. Would it be too much for me to say this? I mean it's not going to hurt my feelings if she does. I would also let her know that too.

Also, as someone who is normally shy and constantly being told that's my problem this is a big deal for me. I'm actually trying to grow some balls and stick up for myself, don't women like that?



I trust your wisdom on this. I'm not trying to be a dick either.

I'm glad you asked her out on a date; that can feel very risky.  I hope she decides to answer your questions more clearly.  However, if you want to stay friends with her, I think the best thing to do is stop asking her why she won't go and just drop the subject.  Or maybe, if you do bring it up again, say something like if she ever changes her mind, you hope she'll let you know.  

Women can be uncomfortable with telling a guy "no" forthrightly and giving an honest reason (such as not being attracted to him as anything but a friend).  Some guys take a no-with-reasons very personally and react with a lot of anger.  You don't know what kind of experiences she's had with other guys that have led her to choose this as a response.  She may have a self-protective reason to be vague.  

(Or she may be someone who can't express her opinions, in which case you might consider whether you want a relationship where you're always making the choices and taking the blame when things go sideways...)

I can't advise. I have never asked anyone out for a date. Most of my relationships have begun in a spontaneous manner.

I don't even get to the asking out phase so I wouldn't know. I'm 29 years old and I've still never been on a date.

(June 1, 2018 at 5:12 am)ignoramus Wrote: Are you on the spectrum? Are you aware that you may not understand a hint? Serious questions.

I can assure you i am not on the spectrum. I just prefer a straight up answer. But that is just me and perhaps i'm just asking to much. To her credit, i imagine she is just trying to be nice.

The details are a bit vague.  

You say this person is a friend and you're talking to her I'm assuming at least on a bit of a regular basis.  She knows you're interested and she knows you're persistent if you already asked twice.  

If she's interested enough to talk to you that's something.  You might get put in the friend zone but then at least you have an extra friend. While you are a friend just try and lay on the charm and have a laugh then see where that goes.

It would be interesting to know exactly how you know her and exactly how the conversation went both times you asked her out.

Two times isn't crazy to ask a girl out. I'd say give it one more go and then let it be. She might just be telling the truth about needing to be settled after a long time overseas. I don't automatically see that as a rejection, although it could be.

Maybe be clear about what you want to do, i.e. "do you want to go to this show with me, I know you said you didn't want to date, but just see if you have fun, no pressure. I promise, I'm fun"


I feel like I should be atheist forums dating coach sometimrs.

(June 1, 2018 at 2:08 pm)CapnAwesome Wrote: Two times isn't crazy to ask a girl out. I'd say give it one more go and then let it be. She might just be telling the truth about needing to be settled after a long time overseas. I don't automatically see that as a rejection, although it could be.

Maybe be clear about what you want to do, i.e. "do you want to go to this show with me, I know you said you didn't want to date, but just see if you have fun, no pressure. "

I feel like I should be atheist forums dating coach sometimrs.

You must have better social skills than most of us.

(June 1, 2018 at 2:12 pm)Kit Wrote:

(June 1, 2018 at 2:08 pm)CapnAwesome Wrote: Two times isn't crazy to ask a girl out. I'd say give it one more go and then let it be. She might just be telling the truth about needing to be settled after a long time overseas. I don't automatically see that as a rejection, although it could be.

Maybe be clear about what you want to do, i.e. "do you want to go to this show with me, I know you said you didn't want to date, but just see if you have fun, no pressure. "

I feel like I should be atheist forums dating coach sometimrs.

You must have better social skills than most of us.

Yep. Also better abs.

I wouldn't ask a third time, personally. Being a girl myself, if I was interested I would have said yes the first time. The second time was fine to ask, just to be sure I guess.

But at this point, if she decides she is interested in him, she will reach out to him. She already knows he is interested.

It isn't fun being asked out and having to turn someone down. I wouldn't make her have to go through it a third time.