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RE: joke time
September 17, 2019 at 9:30 pm
[job interview]
interviewer: so god killed all your kids?
job: that's right
teachings of the Bible are so muddled and self-contradictory that it was possible for Christians to happily burn heretics alive for five long centuries. It was even possible for the most venerated patriarchs of the Church, like St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, to conclude that heretics should be tortured (Augustine) or killed outright (Aquinas). Martin Luther and John Calvin advocated the wholesale murder of heretics, apostates, Jews, and witches. - Sam Harris, "Letter To A Christian Nation"
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RE: joke time
September 18, 2019 at 6:27 am
'So, are you going to ask me out to dinner?'
'Sorry, but I don't date married women.'
'I'm your wife!'
'No exceptions.'
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
September 21, 2019 at 6:17 am
'What an adorable dog! Did you adopt him?'
'No, he's my biological dog, you fucking idiot.'
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
September 21, 2019 at 1:14 pm
Nixon, "It is not illegal when the President does it."
Trump, "Hold my beer."
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RE: joke time
September 22, 2019 at 1:52 pm
I once tried to build a ship in a bottle. It was a lot of fun until they had to break the bottle to let me out.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
September 22, 2019 at 9:10 pm
(September 22, 2019 at 1:52 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: I once tried to build a ship in a bottle. It was a lot of fun until they had to break the bottle to let me out.
Boru
Your missus put the cork in, huh?
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
October 14, 2019 at 5:31 am
I came around the corner and an old guy had somehow dropped thousands of dollars and the money was blowing all over the footpath.
So for the next ten minutes I helped him gather up all the notes and he said,' sure must suck to be whoever lost all this'.
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RE: joke time
October 14, 2019 at 5:50 am
I was going to donate to a charity that supports the families of people with dementia. I forgot all about it.
I've had 12, 24 maybe 36 jobs. It's literally dozens.
I was at my local Chinese restaurant the other night, the waiter asked me how was my food.. I told him that the chicken was rubbery, he said "Ah thankyou very much."
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RE: joke time
October 17, 2019 at 5:47 am
A women told me I'm a "Looker". The word she used was "Voyeur".
My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker. Well...she's not my girlfriend "yet".
I discovered a new vitamin that fights cancer. I call it ...B9
I also invented a diet pill. It works great but had to quit taking it because of the side effects. Turns out my penis is larger and my hair grew back. And whoa! If you think my hair is nice!
When does size truly matter? When it's TOO big!
I'm currently working on a new pill I call "Destenze". However...now my shoes don't fit.
