It’s amazing to me that AOC can stay so thin, considering she has a Republican for lunch every day.

Boru

I've started a band called "999 Megabytes".

Still waiting to get a gig.

I've invented a new version of alphabet soup. Instead of broth, it's make with laxative.

I call it 'Letter Rip'.

Boru

CEO: ‘Frank, I think it’s time we stopped testing our products on animals.’

Head of Project Development: ‘Why? Shampoo manufactures do it, cosmetics manufacturers do it...’

CEO: ‘ I know all that, Frank, but we make dildos.’

Boru

After creating Adam, God brought all the animals to show off a bit and see what Adam would name them. Adam got a bit of a kick out of it at first, but then he noticed something, which made him feel a bit sad. "What's wrong Adam", God asked?
"It's just that I noticed that most of the animals seem to have a friend, why is that"?
"I've made male and female animals, so they can have other animals, just like them".
"Oh", said Adam, as he scratched his head, deep in thought.
"How come you only made one of me".
"I haven't finished yet", said God, "I'm going to make you a woman".
"What's a woman".
"Well", said God. "A woman is a human, just like you, but far more beautiful. She will keep you warm at night, cook your meals, bear children, do stuff with that dangly bit I gave you that will make you feel like you're in heaven. When you're sick, she will look after you, when your sad, she will make you happy, and that's just for starters".
"Awesome", said Adam, filled with anticipation. "What will this woman cost me"?
"An arm and a leg", replied God.
After weighing up the pros and the cons, Adam turned to God and said "What will I get for rib"?
The rest is history.

(February 5, 2021 at 5:30 pm)beepete Wrote: After creating Adam, God brought all the animals to show off a bit and see what Adam would name them. Adam got a bit of a kick out of it at first, but then he noticed something, which made him feel a bit sad. "What's wrong Adam", God asked?
"It's just that I noticed that most of the animals seem to have a friend, why is that"?
"I've made male and female animals, so they can have other animals, just like them".
"Oh", said Adam, as he scratched his head, deep in thought.
"How come you only made one of me".
"I haven't finished yet", said God, "I'm going to make you a woman".
"What's a woman".
"Well", said God. "A woman is a human, just like you, but far more beautiful. She will keep you warm at night, cook your meals, bear children, do stuff with that dangly bit I gave you that will make you feel like you're in heaven. When you're sick, she will look after you, when your sad, she will make you happy, and that's just for starters".
"Awesome", said Adam, filled with anticipation. "What will this woman cost me"?
"An arm and a leg", replied God.
After weighing up the pros and the cons, Adam turned to God and said "What will I get for rib"?
The rest is history.

You get what you pay for.

In this case a person who will kick you in the dangly bits.

Q: What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?
A: He wiped his bum, of course.

Some threw a bottle of Omega 3 at me.

Fortunately the injuries are only super fish oil.

(February 6, 2021 at 6:22 am)The Valkyrie Wrote: Some threw a bottle of Omega 3 at me.

Fortunately the injuries are only super fish oil.

*rolling up the newspaper*

Boru

(February 6, 2021 at 6:27 am)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote:

(February 6, 2021 at 6:22 am)The Valkyrie Wrote: Some threw a bottle of Omega 3 at me.

Fortunately the injuries are only super fish oil.

*rolling up the newspaper*

Boru

Promises, promises...