(November 20, 2013 at 12:32 pm)thesummerqueen Wrote: Good for you! Social mores are changing - student debt is crippling, and we're all living a lot longer. I think what you're doing is making perfect sense.

It makes sense to me, and that's all that matters. I think you have to recognize your personality traits and stop living to make other people happy or to simply make yourself more interesting to other people.

(November 20, 2013 at 12:44 pm)Zazzy Wrote:

(November 20, 2013 at 12:26 pm)Clueless Morgan Wrote: From the outside looking in, I'm a total loser. From the inside looking out, I'm navigating my life in such a way that I can best achieve my goals and live a life I think is worth living.

I only think you're a loser because you're a cat lady instead of a dog lady (or a bird lady). I'm the crazy bird lady who sometimes goes out with bird shit on the back of my shirt, therefore I whip your cat-lady ass for loserdom.

Them's fightin' words, Zaz! Watch yourself, and just remember:
My cats can eat your birds.
:p

I do concede, though, that it's possible that you're more loserly in the pet department. I've never left my house with bird shit on me, but I have accidentally sat on chocolate and gotten an unfortunately located chocolate stain on my butt.

(November 20, 2013 at 1:28 pm)Clueless Morgan Wrote: It makes sense to me, and that's all that matters. I think you have to recognize your personality traits and stop living to make other people happy or to simply make yourself more interesting to other people.

Having interests and knowledge and passions automatically makes you a more interesting person to other people - trying to make yourself interesting in any other fashion is almost immediately perceived correctly as being shallow. The only reason I would disagree with your statement is when questions like the OP's come up. If you want people to like you and find you to be interesting, you have to BE interesting, and you can't be interesting if you don't have real interests and things to geek out on.

Personally, I just want to kiss my boyfriend to death when he does his little geeking out sessions. He gets so excited over new tech and how it works, or bitcoin and that whole deal, or the Singularity, or things he's building or programming, that he seems almost incandescent. Who wouldn't be attracted to that?

OP, you'll kill two birds with one stone if you stop worrying what other people are probably not actually thinking about you and devoted all your mental attention towards things that you really love. You'll be happier for playing with your passions, you'll stop giving a fuck what other people think (which matters little in the cosmic sphere of things) and you'll develop traits that people find attractive so that you can bag a decent girl.

I'm a little late coming into this, and I've not read all of the posts in this thread,
so please excuse me if I ask questions that have already been dealt with.

• Do you want a gf?
  
• If so, why?
  
• Do you not want a gf?
  
• If not, then why not?
  

(November 20, 2013 at 1:15 pm)Doubting Thomas Wrote:

(November 20, 2013 at 12:50 pm)Jacob(smooth) Wrote: I must confess I've found it odd that being married appears to make one at least 6 times more attractive to the opposite sex. I guess it's that eau' De needy that we're no longer wearing.

I think it's fairly understandable. Probably the fact that women believe that if another woman found a guy worth marrying then he's apparently got some value and not just some creepy stalker type, a player, jerk, needy mama's boy, or some other not-worth-marrying type.

Ah, the old "never go to a chip shop with no queue" theory .
Plus I guess you're getting someone housebroken

(November 20, 2013 at 2:08 pm)thesummerqueen Wrote:

(November 20, 2013 at 1:28 pm)Clueless Morgan Wrote: It makes sense to me, and that's all that matters. I think you have to recognize your personality traits and stop living to make other people happy or to simply make yourself more interesting to other people.

Having interests and knowledge and passions automatically makes you a more interesting person to other people - trying to make yourself interesting in any other fashion is almost immediately perceived correctly as being shallow. The only reason I would disagree with your statement is when questions like the OP's come up. If you want people to like you and find you to be interesting, you have to BE interesting, and you can't be interesting if you don't have real interests and things to geek out on.

Fair point, and I agree: If you want people to like you you tend to go out of your way to do things you think will make that person or those people like you. I've done that for sure, and I'm willing to bet that at some point most people have.

The only caveat I would add is if you are doing things to make yourself more interesting or so that people will like you but the outcome of that is that you remain or become unhappy with your life or situation as a result of these actions, a reevaluation is in order, and maybe some therapy.

Perhaps, generally, when you find yourself really wanting something (like a girlfriend or boyfriend or acceptance by a peer group or some other desire) you should stop and evaluate your reasons for wanting that thing and what you expect to gain or lose as a result of getting it or not getting it, sort of like what Jacob(smooth) is asking of the OP.

Preeeee-cisely.