(March 25, 2014 at 3:19 pm)Thunder Cunt Wrote: Or go through periods of time where you're excited and interested in something that it consumes you, so that you can't focus on other things, but is followed a loss of interest in this activitiy and relationship, followed by depression and hopelessness.

All the time before I got on medication. Part of disorganised thoughts for me. Once I got on medication the problem worked itself out over time. How often do you find yourself switching interests like this?

(March 25, 2014 at 5:48 pm)Thunder Cunt Wrote:

(March 25, 2014 at 4:06 pm)Cthulhu Dreaming Wrote: I have experienced all of the above to varying degrees over the course of the last three+ decades.

I'm very sorry! It is Hell! Have you been hospitalized?

More times than I can remember, but since 1986 only once - in 2011.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I learned to live with it for the most part. I can't control what my mind does, but I do have some control over how I choose to deal with it. It's a lot of work.

If you had a man/women and both of you were madly in love and your desires for love and affection were satiated, do you think your mental health issues would improve dramatically?

(March 25, 2014 at 7:15 pm)Thunder Cunt Wrote: If you had a man/women and both of you were madly in love and your desires for love and affection were satiated, do you think your mental health issues would improve dramatically?

In all honesty, probably not. My illness and the behavior that stemmed from it has been extremely destructive to my relationships and family.

For most of my life, I kept my illness as secret as I could. It eventually comes out, though and not in a good way - and it isn't right to hide it.

The opposite approach - being honest about my condition - would not seem to improve my chances in the relationship department. Women do not line up seeking to date men with a history of bipolar disorder (can't say that I don't understand). Fortunately, I'm not looking - I have someone already. That hasn't changed things much, it's all the other things - the personal work and growth - that has seemed to have the greatest impact.

Ain't nobody going to fix it but you. I have a feeling that wasn't the answer you were hoping for. I wish that were not the case.

I was hoping for a true answer not a lie, so it was the answer I was hoping for.

I'm very honest now about my condition and yes, unless a women is a Saint or mentally ill herself, they don't want to be with a guy who is lacking self-control, depressed, or having major changes in mood and personality.

Yeah, no one is gonna do it for us.

Dude you are wacked right out of your skull man you ain't never comin back.

Hot grease poured on people? Fuck! I predict that soon you won't believe in Jesus but rather you will believe you ARE Jesus.

(March 25, 2014 at 8:15 pm)KUSA Wrote: Dude you are wacked right out of your skull man you ain't never comin back.

Hot grease poured on people? Fuck! I predict that soon you won't believe in Jesus but rather you will believe you ARE Jesus.

Dude! It's a scary impulse. I freaks me out and disturbs me. I don't want to do it.

I've never thought I was Jesus, Napolean, or Alexander the great or anyone important.

(March 25, 2014 at 7:15 pm)Thunder Cunt Wrote: If you had a man/women and both of you were madly in love and your desires for love and affection were satiated, do you think your mental health issues would improve dramatically?

Nope. But it don't hurt none.

When I was a kid there wasn't such thing as ADHD, or ADD, but if there was I think I would have been diagnosed with ADHD. As I grew up I started to withdraw, and kept to myself, when I was 17 I had my first serious girl friend, this brought me out of my shell, but then she left me for another girl. This really upset me a lot, ever since I was a kid I didn't feel like other boys, I felt something wasn't right with me, so I had to try hard to act like other boys, this was because I felt like a girl.

So when I found my girl friend it made me feel more like a man, but when she dumped me for a girl it made me feel like I would never be a true man.

After this I became paranoid of women, I didn't hate them, I just didn't trust them, and so I became a homo, or at lest I thought I was. While I was once at a party I was drugged and raped by I don't know how many guys, I just could move my arms or legs, they then through me into a swimming pool and after that I don't remember anything at all until I woke up the next morning.

This really stuffed up my life, now not only paranoid of women I was now paranoid of men. All my life I seem to attract people who want to hurt me. I don't say much about it to others as it sounds like I am making it all up. But not long after I was raped a friends friend put a knife to my throat and made me, well you know. He kept that stricken knife on me throughout the night, I was so scared that I felt like shitting myself. I told him that I liked him a lot and that I will come back later that morning, this was me pretending that I liked him so he would trust me, and it worked, I never went out for ages after that.

Having all that on top of me, the worse was to come, and this was one night my friends and I went for a drive just out of town, there was a swimming hole, but it was too cold, as it was about 2 am in the morning, so we headed back home, I was the driver. I remember think to myself as I was driving, I can't wait to get ride of my friend so I can get home to bed, and just I heard a shot, at the time I thought it was a rock hitting under the car. I felt a strange feeling in my lower leg and ankle area, I went to feel it and my fingers went through the hole the bullet made. Well all hell brock loose and I went into shock, the car span off the road. My friends didn't know what happened, they were running around panicking, one friend yelled out to me to not move my leg as it was just about daggling with a gapping hole. Anyway they end up stopping a car which was a taxi, who radioed for the ambulance and police.

After this I went down hill and was diagnosed with schizophrenia only a few years later, I think I was always going that way, but all the things in my life that happened brought it on big time. Anyway that's my story.

(March 25, 2014 at 8:15 pm)KUSA Wrote: Dude you are wacked right out of your skull man you ain't never comin back.

Hot grease poured on people? Fuck! I predict that soon you won't believe in Jesus but rather you will believe you ARE Jesus.

I'm so honest people don't trust me. Interesting!

I love you and forgive you all! Aw, I can't say I don't give a shit about these comments but it's not gonna ruin my day. It actually did cause some grief to hear everyone tellin me I'm a psychopath and should be locked up for my safety and the safety of others. Now I'm learning to take what I can from the posts and take the other shit with a sense of humor.

Anyhow, I'm in my manic phase. Couldn't sleep. Was up all night doin weird sexual stuff. The mind will not shut up. This same annoying music has been going through my head since 11:00 thursday.

Feelin kinda weak and shaky cuz it's hard to eat anything and the cotton mouth makes it harder. I feel so exhausted that I'll lay down sure that sleep is near by, then suddenly a rush of energy, like a fierce gust of wind, inspiration, flight of thoughts, or sexual arousal leads to some behavior like pacing around (posting on this site lol), goin for a walk or jog.

This phase will end with a crash and burn.

No big deal. Everyone has to suffer.