Ok, necessary disclaimers first. One, take caution if you're prone to being bored, this is going to be long and uninteresting. Two, I'm aware there are several threads about other people already and you're probably sick of hearing personal stories, but now is a perfect occasion for me to write this, which may not happen again soon. I'll explain later. If you're still reading, here's snother disclaimer for good measure: it may contain touchy subjects.

With that out of the way, let us embark on the magical journey into the bizarre details of my bland life.

So after having been here for two glorious monts (I know, flew right by) I've concluded that you are apparently not going to eat me, how strange. Hence this thread. Opening up to people is not my biggest strength and I would like to preserve anonymity, but I really enjoyed getting to know more about the people here and I realised you probably don't know much about me.

Let's start with the personal details I feel comfortable giving away. I'm 16, but talking to other people my age makes me feel old. I live in Silesia. That's in Poland, at least it was last time I checked. My hobbies include video games, languages, art and Nicolas Cage movies.

I have issues. Multiple issues. Apparently I'm just an issue person.

I'm bisexual, or I was when I still could experience any sort of sexual thoughts or longings. You may or may not know that I was raised catholic. My grandparents are especially deeply religious. My parents are somewhat more liberal, but that didn't stop them from indoctrinating me, resulting in psychological damage.

The first and most influential result of this is genophobia, an intense and irrational fear of sex and everything that relates to it as well, in my case. I deal with a lot of shame and anxiety. The only reason I could come out to all of you in this post is because apparently I'm having a good day. On my worse days I can't even think the word. I'm in denial most of the time. And I'm certain I'll hate myself for saying it tomorrow. It's particularly hard for me not to think about how much religion influenced my life. I tend to get depressed easily when I think back to the person I used to be and compare it to what I am now. I'm trying to move on and adjust to it.

Another effect of religion is a whole lot of anxiety issues. I have morning anxiety. Sometimes panic attacks occur. Social situations give me a lot of anxiety, too.

The last four years have been the worst in my short life. Apart from what I already mentioned, I struggled with self-harm and suicidal thoughts.

Currently I'm staying away from the church. As you can imagine, my grandparents are visibly and audibly displeased with me for that reason. My parents aren't too happy about it, either. I still struggle with relapsing sometimes, but it's gotten better lately.

As some of you may know my music tastes range from typical to downright bizarre. It's a strange mix of EDM and folk music, with occasional progressive or alternative rock.

My favorite subjects are English and Polish. History, geography and something called knowledge about society are also cool in my book. I don't deal well with numbers, but I find science fascinating.

My favorite author is Steven King and my favorite painter is HR Giger.

Aaand I think that's probably all there is to know about me.

That being said, even though I've only been here for two months, you guys are amazing. I'm incredibly lucky to have found this board and such an awesome community. If it wasn't for you I'd be insane by now, if not dead. It's been a huge relief to have sane people to talk to. I'm grateful for everything. I don't know how else to out it in words; you're the saving grace of my life, as pathetic as that sounds. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Great to finally read some more about you, I really appreciate it, and I know it's been difficult for you to open up a bit.

Jesus, you're less than half my age. How can you possibly be so erudite and fluent in languages and stuff!
a great future I see in you, young padawan. Even enough time to learn some decent science as well! ^^
Also, at that age there's yet hope that the relationship to sex thing might just work itself out more easily, maybe a change of scenery will help, don't you think? I distinctly remember that 16 was not the most comfortable time for me in terms of sexual things (not that I was having any... but you know what I mean)

Thanks so much for sharing Norman, that is very brave of you

I'm very proud of you for saying all that to us, I know it can't have been easy. But I think it's the right thing to do. You're spot on, this is a wonderful community full of people willing to help.

I'm very sorry for all you've been through, it's not fair what has been thrust on you. You seem a lot stronger now from when I first met you, I think you've come a long way in a short space of time. I feel confidence you'll keep improving, slowly but surely.

I'm always here if you need anyone to PM. I hope to see you open up more and accept who you are, because I'm sure many people here think just as highly of you as I do

(March 20, 2015 at 10:42 am)robvalue Wrote: You seem a lot stronger now from when I first met you, I think you've come a long way in a short space of time.

Yes, that!

I think having issues is a bit of a prerequisite for this forum. I was put in a mental hospital for the first time when I was your age for severe depression and anxiety, and I know many others here have had similar problems.

You're young, so that means you can't quite grasp just how much things can change for you as you age. I'm 35, and I barely recognize myself as the same person that attempted suicide and was in and out of mental hospitals for years. It takes time just to recognize your triggers and understand how your environment affects your issues, so over time you will have a greater ability to control and minimize them. It takes work, but you can lean to cope and overcome your afflictions. Feel free to PM if you would like to talk about it.

Aren't you the one that loves Maynard? I kept meaning to tell you how much I love Maynard, too, but it didn't really fit into the flow of the cover thread. When you feel down, watch this...

Thank you for sharing. That was very brave of you. I admire your courage.

Wow. 16. I'm old enough for you to call mom. I enjoy your posts, your wit and your wisdom. You have a lot for someone so young. I wish I was that smart when I was your age.

I look forward to reading more from you in the future.

You're good people, Norm.

About the genophobia -- my approach to shit I fear has always been to address it head on. At your age, sex is such a dicey thing anyway, but once you've been with a person whom you love, the beauty of lovemaking may well wash away your fears. Anyway, take your time, find the person you love, and when it feels right, you will know.

I'm so happy you found us. And I'm really happy to have you on this board. Our musical interactions and your genuine humour are a breath of fresh air. I too, an shocked that you are much younger than I thought. Gives me hope for our future.
Thank you for letting us get to know you better. I agree, this place is amazing.

Steven King....known as a fictional author, in the US, has never before been taken serious...nor expected as serious...for the films, or books he has written...............My question: Why are young Americans finding a truth of matter and believing of Steven Kings imagination...thought out for book and movie sales......WHY DO YOUNG AMERICANS believe in what was meant to be fiction....TODAY?????

Wh...what?