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RE: joke time
October 20, 2015 at 8:10 pm
Anybody else want to tell a joke?
Stimb?
Iggy?
Boru?
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
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RE: joke time
October 20, 2015 at 9:02 pm
Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
October 20, 2015 at 9:27 pm
(October 20, 2015 at 9:02 pm)Beccs Wrote: Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
![[Image: Mrs-Puff-is-a-big-fat-meanie-spongebob-s...97-497.jpg]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=images5.fanpop.com%2Fimage%2Fphotos%2F30500000%2FMrs-Puff-is-a-big-fat-meanie-spongebob-squarepants-30584124-497-497.jpg)
John Adams Wrote:The Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion.
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RE: joke time
October 20, 2015 at 9:33 pm
On the roof of a very tall building are four men; one is asian, one is mexican, one is black, and the last one is white. The asian walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and jumps off the roof. Next, the mexican walks to the ledge and also says, "This is for all my people" and then he jumps off the roof. Next is the black guy's turn. The black guy walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and then throws the white guy off the roof.
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
October 20, 2015 at 9:41 pm
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
"A doctor."
"And why's that?"
"Because it's the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill."
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
October 20, 2015 at 9:41 pm
When my nephew Chris was little, he was a huge Thomas the Tank Engine fan. One time we were in our local library (and then-art gallery), which had as one exhibit a large model railway in a glass case. Chris was spellbound at seeing "Thomas", but then he pointed to the - erm - large lady attending the display and said "Look - the Fat Controller!" What made it worse/better was that he pronounced "controller" more like "totroller", which we were accustomed to; but to outsiders, it sounded like he'd just called this lady a fat troll.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
October 20, 2015 at 9:44 pm
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
October 20, 2015 at 9:49 pm
(This post was last modified: October 21, 2015 at 10:49 am by Cyberman.)
I was walking past our local prison when I saw a midget climbing down the wall and threw a superior look at me.
I thought "That's a little condescending."
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
October 20, 2015 at 9:53 pm
I was driving down a street and accidentally hit another car.
A dwarf climbed out, looked at the damage and said, "I'm not happy!"
I replied, "Which one are you then?"
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
October 20, 2015 at 10:01 pm
A sign seen outside a wizards' school:
"Trespasser will be toad"
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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