My heart is breaking... I thought Christians are suppose to love "unconditionally"

[miaharun]

I feel so sorry for you. Recently i had a couple very dear to me and they went through something like this,
http://atheistforums.org/thread-40358.html

If one is a theist and the other is not, things are going to get very complicated sooner or later. The whole unconditional love becomes conditional. In very rare cases the theist is tolerant. As some members pointed out, It's her belief that your probably going to hell for not believing. If she is a devoted christian/catholic you or anyone is most probably going to be her number 2 priority. There will be no one above God/Holy Spirit. Any person who doesn't believe in God might be a disgrace to God. This is how i feel seeing my friends who broke up , that was a disaster.

My deepest sympathies dear friend.

EDIT : I think only God is worthy of unconditional love. Because they are said to believe that God will be with them at their worst, unconditionally.

[kmthang]

Anyone have some examples of successful stories? All the replies so far are very painful :/

[drfuzzy]

Anyone have some examples of successful stories? All the replies so far are very painful :/

Well, RocketSurgeon says his wife is a xtian, but accepting of his atheism.  I'm sure there are a few out there.  I have the impression that they are in the vast minority though.  I have lost jobs because I wouldn't go to Bible Study, or discuss xtian topics with a boss.  I have lost friends and family.  And I work for a church . . . I'm one of the quiet ones that just tries to avoid discussing religion altogether.  You're grasping at straws, my friend.  I hope you are one of the exceptions, I really do, but I'm not betting on it.  Let us know how things go.

[Crossless2.0]

My wife is nominally Christian (one of those Doesn't-know-shit-about-the-Bible-but-has-a-personal-relationship-with-God/Jesus types) and our differences aren't a cause of much friction -- so long as I put up with her pious nonsense (listening to sermons in the car, etc.) and keep my opinions to myself. When I talk about the Bible in a critical manner or question the conclusions she draws from certain of her experiences, she perceives it as an attack. I love her enough to just lay off her on the subject as far as my patience will take me, though it is insulting as hell to me that when she talks about Christianity she's "expressing herself" and shouldn't be judged, while anything I say is "negative" and "belittling", even if it's just to point out that the scholarly consensus on Topic X is not what she's being told by preachers. To be fair, she doesn't try to proselytize me, but I suspect she would if she didn't realize that I know far more about the subject than she does.

Yeah, these relationships can work, but usually at the expense of the non-believer muzzling him- or herself to keep the peace. Christians think they have a lock on truth and many of them flee frank, informed conversation like roaches flee light. Many of them are also fond of reaching into their grab bag of Biblical talking points to liken relationships with non-believers to being unequally yoked. It's true, but usually not in the sense they mean.

I wish you luck, kmthang. Unless she's pretty amazing in other respects, she may not be worth it in the end.

[dyresand]

Love and christianity cannot be in the same sentence period.
That's how it is christian love is in itself hypocritical.
Though you do have the good christians who would look past the whole atheist/skeptic
and love the person for who they are.

[KevinM1]

1. Are you sure that her distancing herself from you is due to your change in belief?

2. You do realize that unconditional love doesn't mean that she must love you as a romantic partner forever and ever, right? People's opinions and feelings for one another can change for a variety of reasons. I loved my ex-girlfriend with all my heart. She broke up with me (partially because I was a dumb ass 19 year old), and we didn't talk for many years. We're now best friends because I missed her as a friend and reached out to her, and that while a fair amount of the issues that lead to the dissolving of our romantic relationship remain, they don't affect our friendship. So, I still love her with all my heart, just in a different way. She's my best bud, almost like a sister to me.

3. Have you, you know, actually communicated your feelings and thoughts about what's going on to her? Successful relationships - friends, family, lovers, whatever - cannot survive without open and honest communication. If you think your relationship with her is worth keeping/salvaging/fighting for, you need to talk to her and lay it all out there. You really have nothing to lose. Just be sure that you don't cave in regarding your beliefs. Successful relationships also need respect, and if she can't respect what you believe (or don't believe), then the relationship won't be successful.

Good luck.

[kmthang]

1. Are you sure that her distancing herself from you is due to your change in belief?

2. You do realize that unconditional love doesn't mean that she must love you as a romantic partner forever and ever, right?  People's opinions and feelings for one another can change for a variety of reasons.  I loved my ex-girlfriend with all my heart.  She broke up with me (partially because I was a dumb ass 19 year old), and we didn't talk for many years.  We're now best friends because I missed her as a friend and reached out to her, and that while a fair amount of the issues that lead to the dissolving of our romantic relationship remain, they don't affect our friendship.  So, I still love her with all my heart, just in a different way.  She's my best bud, almost like a sister to me.

3. Have you, you know, actually communicated your feelings and thoughts about what's going on to her?  Successful relationships - friends, family, lovers, whatever - cannot survive without open and honest communication.  If you think your relationship with her is worth keeping/salvaging/fighting for, you need to talk to her and lay it all out there.  You really have nothing to lose.  Just be sure that you don't cave in regarding your beliefs.  Successful relationships also need respect, and if she can't respect what you believe (or don't believe), then the relationship won't be successful.

Good luck.

Yeah, I'm sure her change in behaviour started out after I opened about this to her. She doesn't even wanna sit next to me when we have worship (where family friends, parents etc can see us)... Last visit, her whole family knows about it and they sat down with me to talk about it. I explained them that my studies are giving me clues that our belief could be not what we think it is... I was told to stop going to my classes :o so things got a little too open that time.

I did talked to her about it. She's saying things like it's not going to work out and she only prays for same belief bf and husband : But I know that she's saying that because she wants me back to believe as her not break up with me. We both don't want to end ourselves but this difference, is like a ticking time bomb. If I don't find something that'll spark her mind to understand my point of view, I'll probably see an end soon :/ but I don't know how else to explain that my view is not satanic or it's just a positive logical thinking :/

[Crossless2.0]

Let her know that she, like you, is an atheist with regard to the thousands of gods humans have feared, worshiped, sacrificed to, etc. over the millennia and that, once she is clear about her reasons for disbelieving in all of those deities (assuming she has "reasons" as opposed to knee-jerk programming), she will better understand your disbelief as well. You just go one god further than she does.

It might work. It might not. Christians are taught to regard those other gods as false (or manifestations of Satan or objects of guileless satanic worship) so her indoctrination will have a lot to do with whether she is able to view her disbelief through anything other than Bible-tinted lenses.

[thesummerqueen]

Consider yourself lucky.  You don't have to go through a divorce and lose most of your stuff.  The longer you whine about her the longer you will be unhappy.  So forget her and move on to someone better.  There are millions available.  So bury the relationship and start looking.

Truly, your empathetic and sympathetic nature is inspiring.

[KevinM1]

If she can't accept you as yourself, then it's time to move on. It sucks and it hurts, but no healthy relationship can be built on that kind of issue.