So I asked a guy out on a date...

[SteelCurtain]

...completely on accident. Sorry for the click-bait!!

So I've been sort of mentoring this kid from my C++ class, he's a sophomore, 18-19 years old, a little awkward. Mentoring is a strong word, I've been trying to help him socially I guess, big brother style. Anyways, he doesn't have a car so I occasionally give him a ride to his apartment, and I make him talk (he'd be perfectly silent if I didn't...) about anything and everything. We were talking about the trans laws a couple of weeks ago and I mentioned that I identify as straight, but I am more accurately on the bi spectrum. I say this to set up what happened on Thursday. I was in Murfreesboro to lead a study group for our final, and I mentioned to this kid afterwards that I was going to to the bar to watch the NFL Draft and have a few beers. I asked him if he wanted to come along, and he looked really happy and said sure. We went to the bar, and I told him it's on me. (He's a struggling college kid, and I'm not struggling at all, so I figured it was the least I could do.)

I was totally oblivious. He never mentioned he was gay (or bi, as he tells me now) and he tried to hold my hand. I have mentioned how oblivious I am to flirting in general, I guess I missed a whole lot of cues. I was just trying to be friendly, but hindsight being 20/20 and all, I see where I sent a lot of mixed signals. I feel so bad for him. I can only imagine how much guts it must have taken to hold a guy's hand in a sports bar in Middle Tennessee. It was a college bar, but still, there's no shortage of dude-bros here. Also, it's apparent that he's been crushing on me for months. I missed a lot of signals. I really only asked him to go because I thought he'd say no, he literally has zero interest in sports, and only the most idiotic fans (read: ya boi) would sit and watch the NFL Draft. Yeah, signal right in the face. Still missed it.

Now, I don't know what to do. I want to reach out and tell him he's okay, but I don't want to prolong an awkward situation for him if he's too embarrassed to talk about it. Luckily I didn't react poorly, I just said "oh, no, I'm so sorry." Damn.

What would you do?

[Regina]

Ouch

Umm

You might not have to say anything tbh, he might already have the message. If things are awkward though...

I guess just try to explain yourself as best you can. It's an innocent thing, I guess he might be a little upset about it but only so much upset is justified. I'd just apologise and try to explain things from your perspective, then it's on him.

If he's really into you and really down about it, he might not want to talk anymore, in which case it's best to give him his space.

Don't feel too guilty though, it happens. All the time actually with gay/bi men, not sure about straight people.

[SteelCurtain]

Yeah, I just feel bad for him. I have such a strong little brother vibe for him I sort of feel protective of him, even though that's like, way overboard for our relationship as it stands. I also obsess over whether people understand me clearly or not. I feel like I need to explain myself.

I'll see him at the final on Monday, I think I'll let him be for now, and ask him to talk after the test.

[J a c k]

Oh no no no! Poor kid. Lol! Just act like nothing happened. He got the point. He's embarrassed, poor thing. You'll be fine. To be honest, same thing could have happened to me. IRL I'm absolutely clueless of the boundaries of flirting and the sort. I got flowers sent to me at work couple weeks back. Why? Apparently I had "been talking" with some dude. Oh no! I was just being polite by not ignoring his talk. Aww.  Sorry, I didn't know. I feel ya, man. Don't beat yourself up. Kid has guts. He'll be fine and have his fun soon. Lol

[Athene]

He might appreciate it if you didn't bring up the "incident", and just continued as you were..being friendly, offering rides, etc.That may be the best to let's him know that it was no big deal, and that you weren't at all offended. Personally, I wouldn't want to relive that sort of embarrassment.

Got to give it to the guy, though; A move that bold takes  serious guts, IMO. I, myself, have an extremely difficult time recognizing flirtation from friendliness.
Anything short of "I need you...And I want your body" is apt to confuse the hell out of me.

I just veer towards the safe side of the street.

[IATIA]

Dude, I'm sorry I missed the signals. I am flattered, but I don't lean that way, which is why I did not notice the interest.

[account_inactive]

Poor guy..

[brewer]

Quit school and leave the state, no forwarding address.










Naw, just explain your motives and intentions. He might be a little bent at first but he sounds smart. He'll get over you.

[rexbeccarox]

Aw, Steel!

(also, I agree with Thena and Mamacita)

[Alex K]

If this were ancient greece, you'd be the mentor, straight, and still hop into bed with the guy

But seriously, could have happened to me, oblivious as I've always been - but as far as I can tell, you didn't do anything too misleading, it's just an awkward misunderstanding.