I am Jesus

[Alex K]

The sad part is, a good Jesus impersonation can be a lot of fun, but one needs quite a bit of intelligence, knowledge and humour to really pull it off, and this here seems to have neither.

[ApeNotKillApe]

Impersonation!?

[robvalue]

Let's say there is a man walking down a path that splits into 2 paths. Which one is the right one? The smooth and easy path or the confusing unknown one he has not traveled down yet?

I take both because I'm god and I can do anything. And I'll have already travelled down both, and I'll be really good at it.

[ignoramus]

Is that you Mr Killingsworth! It is, isn't? What else is happening? Been shagging?

From memory, you never were cooking on 3 burners...

[Homeless Nutter]

Let's say there is a man walking down a path that splits into 2 paths. Which one is the right one? [...]

Uhm... The one on the right?

[Joods]

I am Jesus, I have come to save you from your sins.

I have come because we are still in the age of Pisces and we must change our ways so we can finally enter the age of Aquarius again.
I am working to stay completely pure for you. Remember - you are my equal and I love you

Ask me anything

You know, they make meds for people like you. You should talk to your other personalities about this. I'm sure they'd all be very disappointed in you right now.

[Alex K]

Let's say there is a man walking down a path that splits into 2 paths. Which one is the right one? [...]

Uhm... The one on the right?

It's so obvious in hindsight!

[Joods]

Do you purport to have a really mundane name in your every day life that somehow nonsensically magically points to you being Jesus?

You were attached to the mundane. I'm in communication with what is beyond your horizons and yet I am your equal. You were living in terms of what you see and touch. I'm communicating on other terms.

Hmm... maybe that weed you smoked was bad. No good weed makes anyone this stupid. Good weed raises your IQ by like, 500 points. Yours just fell into the negative numbers.

But here.. amuse me anyway. Can you tell me the exact date my dad died? Oh, and the time too. He was found dead in his bed so no one could ever really pinpoint his time of death and I'd like an answer to that. Can you also tell me why your father is such a narcissistic, genocidal, misogynistic, twisted little asshole? I mean, really, throw me a bone here.

[Joods]

Hi Jesus, I'm Rob

Who are you saving us from? Is someone going to be mean to us?

I am saving you from yourself and those who hear you.

Goddamn Rob. Stop being mean to yourself.

[Joods]

John was the original name of Jesus. He understood the lowest of lows in order to reach the highest of the heavens.

You've reached your lowest of low thinking you can save everyone here. Again, there are meds for your kind of crazy.