Signs you're a Republican
May 30, 2011 at 11:19 pm
(This post was last modified: May 30, 2011 at 11:23 pm by Doubting Thomas.)
Signs You're a Republican
You believe the Founding Fathers wanted the country to be exactly how you want it to be.
You claim to be pro-life but are in favor of the death penalty and sending American troops off to war.
You believe that school prayer should be allowed, but only with Christian prayers.
You believe that Fox News really is fair and balanced, while all other news outlets have a liberal bias.
You decry any attempts at gun control but scream the loudest whenever a police officer is shot.
You actually believe that Sarah Palin is a viable presidential candidate who has intelligent things to say.
You think that poor people choose to be poor because they're too lazy to work.
You see no difference between liberals, Muslims, homosexuals, Democrats, and any other group you don't like.
You claim that illegal immigrants are harming the country and should go back where they came from, but you ignore America's history of white Europeans taking land away from the native Americans.
You claim that gay marriage is going to destroy traditional marriage, but don't say anything about the high divorce rates among conservative, fundamentalist Christians.
You think that homosexuals getting married is a far worse problem than fixing the economy.
You are against allowing abortions for women who were raped, because you think that if a woman is raped, she probably deserved it.
You claim that President Obama isn't a valid president because he wasn't born in America, yet during the 2008 election you ignored the fact that John McCain was born in Panama.
You think that the government spending money on heath care is a terrible idea, yet you support Medicare and Medicaid programs.
You are OK with sessions of Congress being opened with Christian prayers, but you are outraged if it's opened with prayers from a different religion.
You claim that the government should keep its nose out of people's lives, but are in favor of having the government ban abortion or regulate who can get married.
You don't want your tax dollars paying for things you disagree with, like abortions, yet you have no problems with atheists' tax dollars paying for faith-based initiatives or pacifists' tax dollars going toward the military budget.
You believe that the government should not be allowed to regulate churches, but have no problem with Christianity being ingrained into the government.
You decry illegal immigrants coming to America to have “anchor babies,” but claim that you belong here because you were born here.
You think GOP stands for “God's Own Party.”
You claim that if gay marriage is allowed, people will want to marry animals, yet ignore the fact that hardly anyone wants to marry an animal and nobody is fighting for the right to do that.
You claim that illegal immigrants are taking jobs away from Americans, yet you can't actually find anyone who wants to do the jobs the immigrants are doing.
You think the ACLU is made up of a bunch of liberal lawyers who hate Christianity but ignore the fact they've often successfully fought for the rights of Christians.
You whine that anyone criticizing President Obama is labeled a racist, yet you can't admit that the reason you really don't like him is because he's black.
You complain about high gas prices, but claim that looking into alternative energy sources is a stupid liberal hippie idea.
You are highly offended by anyone desecrating an American flag and think they should be thrown in prison, but if you want to burn a Koran, it's your freedom of speech.
You claim that school violence would disappear if we just allowed school-led prayer again, while ignoring the fact that school violence & bullying existed when mandatory prayer in school was still allowed.
You believe that if gay marriage is kept illegal, all the icky gays will just go away.
You believe that businesses are too heavily regulated by the government, but are in favor of laws punishing businesses which hire illegal immigrants.
You believe you are taxed too highly, but if any politician mentions cutting the bloated military budget, you claim they're hurting the troops and are “un-American.”
The only part of the U.S. Constitution you're really familiar with is the 2nd Amendment.
You think “freedom of speech” really means “freedom of Christianity.”
You believe that universal health care is a terrible idea, but forget that Jesus cured sick people and didn't charge them anything.
You believe that American society would be better if it returned to the way it was portrayed in 1950's TV shows, while ignoring the fact that it was never really like that to begin with.
Your response to the fact that most voters in the country don't care for politicians on the extreme right is to nominate politicians even further to the right.
You hate the idea of the wall of separation between church and state, but you're terrified of Muslim sharia law being implemented in the country.
You're against most institutions of higher learning because they are filled with liberal professors who just want to brainwash young adults, except for places like Oral Roberts University and Bob Jones University, of course.
You decry Muslims covering their women from head to toe with clothing, but think that American women dress too immodestly.
You claim that Democrat senators in Congress just want to play politics and don't care about the people, but say nothing when Republican congressmen hold up disaster relief funding until they get their way.
You think that Obama is a Muslim and therefore disqualified to be President, while ignoring the fact that the U.S. Constitution states that no religious test is required to hold any public office.
You believe the Founding Fathers wanted the country to be exactly how you want it to be.
You claim to be pro-life but are in favor of the death penalty and sending American troops off to war.
You believe that school prayer should be allowed, but only with Christian prayers.
You believe that Fox News really is fair and balanced, while all other news outlets have a liberal bias.
You decry any attempts at gun control but scream the loudest whenever a police officer is shot.
You actually believe that Sarah Palin is a viable presidential candidate who has intelligent things to say.
You think that poor people choose to be poor because they're too lazy to work.
You see no difference between liberals, Muslims, homosexuals, Democrats, and any other group you don't like.
You claim that illegal immigrants are harming the country and should go back where they came from, but you ignore America's history of white Europeans taking land away from the native Americans.
You claim that gay marriage is going to destroy traditional marriage, but don't say anything about the high divorce rates among conservative, fundamentalist Christians.
You think that homosexuals getting married is a far worse problem than fixing the economy.
You are against allowing abortions for women who were raped, because you think that if a woman is raped, she probably deserved it.
You claim that President Obama isn't a valid president because he wasn't born in America, yet during the 2008 election you ignored the fact that John McCain was born in Panama.
You think that the government spending money on heath care is a terrible idea, yet you support Medicare and Medicaid programs.
You are OK with sessions of Congress being opened with Christian prayers, but you are outraged if it's opened with prayers from a different religion.
You claim that the government should keep its nose out of people's lives, but are in favor of having the government ban abortion or regulate who can get married.
You don't want your tax dollars paying for things you disagree with, like abortions, yet you have no problems with atheists' tax dollars paying for faith-based initiatives or pacifists' tax dollars going toward the military budget.
You believe that the government should not be allowed to regulate churches, but have no problem with Christianity being ingrained into the government.
You decry illegal immigrants coming to America to have “anchor babies,” but claim that you belong here because you were born here.
You think GOP stands for “God's Own Party.”
You claim that if gay marriage is allowed, people will want to marry animals, yet ignore the fact that hardly anyone wants to marry an animal and nobody is fighting for the right to do that.
You claim that illegal immigrants are taking jobs away from Americans, yet you can't actually find anyone who wants to do the jobs the immigrants are doing.
You think the ACLU is made up of a bunch of liberal lawyers who hate Christianity but ignore the fact they've often successfully fought for the rights of Christians.
You whine that anyone criticizing President Obama is labeled a racist, yet you can't admit that the reason you really don't like him is because he's black.
You complain about high gas prices, but claim that looking into alternative energy sources is a stupid liberal hippie idea.
You are highly offended by anyone desecrating an American flag and think they should be thrown in prison, but if you want to burn a Koran, it's your freedom of speech.
You claim that school violence would disappear if we just allowed school-led prayer again, while ignoring the fact that school violence & bullying existed when mandatory prayer in school was still allowed.
You believe that if gay marriage is kept illegal, all the icky gays will just go away.
You believe that businesses are too heavily regulated by the government, but are in favor of laws punishing businesses which hire illegal immigrants.
You believe you are taxed too highly, but if any politician mentions cutting the bloated military budget, you claim they're hurting the troops and are “un-American.”
The only part of the U.S. Constitution you're really familiar with is the 2nd Amendment.
You think “freedom of speech” really means “freedom of Christianity.”
You believe that universal health care is a terrible idea, but forget that Jesus cured sick people and didn't charge them anything.
You believe that American society would be better if it returned to the way it was portrayed in 1950's TV shows, while ignoring the fact that it was never really like that to begin with.
Your response to the fact that most voters in the country don't care for politicians on the extreme right is to nominate politicians even further to the right.
You hate the idea of the wall of separation between church and state, but you're terrified of Muslim sharia law being implemented in the country.
You're against most institutions of higher learning because they are filled with liberal professors who just want to brainwash young adults, except for places like Oral Roberts University and Bob Jones University, of course.
You decry Muslims covering their women from head to toe with clothing, but think that American women dress too immodestly.
You claim that Democrat senators in Congress just want to play politics and don't care about the people, but say nothing when Republican congressmen hold up disaster relief funding until they get their way.
You think that Obama is a Muslim and therefore disqualified to be President, while ignoring the fact that the U.S. Constitution states that no religious test is required to hold any public office.
Christian apologetics is the art of rolling a dog turd in sugar and selling it as a donut.
One of those I actually agree with ...![[Image: Evolution.png]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=i1118.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fk619%2Fjcincain%2FPublic%2FEvolution.png)
