Posts: 30726
Threads: 2123
Joined: May 24, 2012
Reputation:
71
RE: joke time
May 19, 2017 at 11:16 am
Little known history of 80s Rock band "Yes", the record company rejected one of the song's original lyrics.
Owner of a lonely fart
Maker of a stinky fart
Owner of a smelly FAAAA-ART
Say you don't want to smell it
You cut one before
Evil in the air
No Fabreeze to be found
Record company said "Naw, we'll pass on this one".
Posts: 30726
Threads: 2123
Joined: May 24, 2012
Reputation:
71
RE: joke time
May 19, 2017 at 2:35 pm
I just realized, it isn't possible to cook alligator meat in a crock pot.
Posts: 5664
Threads: 219
Joined: June 20, 2016
Reputation:
61
RE: joke time
May 19, 2017 at 4:51 pm
News just in : A truckload of Viagra was stolen today! Police believe it is the work of hardened criminals.
God thinks it's fun to confuse primates. Larsen's God!
Posts: 46329
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
May 20, 2017 at 5:53 am
When he turned 80, my grandfather started walking three miles every day, for his health. He's 97 now, and we don't know where the hell he is.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 69247
Threads: 3759
Joined: August 2, 2009
Reputation:
259
RE: joke time
May 22, 2017 at 12:45 pm
(This post was last modified: May 22, 2017 at 12:46 pm by Minimalist.)
A retired man went into the Job Center in downtown Toronto
and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant.
Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details.
The clerk pulled up the file and read; "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist.
You have to help the women out of their underwear,
lay them down and carefully wash their private regions,
then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair,
then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination.
The annual salary is $65,000, and if you are interested you'll have to go to Sudbury , Ontario ."
"Good grief", the man asked, "Is that where the job is?"
"No sir . . . that's where the end of the line is right now.
Posts: 3676
Threads: 354
Joined: April 12, 2015
Reputation:
42
RE: joke time
May 22, 2017 at 7:45 pm
Here's another original.
What do you get when you cross a boy named Michael with a bowl of jello?
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
Posts: 35313
Threads: 205
Joined: August 13, 2012
Reputation:
146
RE: joke time
May 22, 2017 at 9:54 pm
(May 19, 2017 at 11:16 am)Brian37 Wrote: Little known history of 80s Rock band "Yes", the record company rejected one of the song's original lyrics.
Owner of a lonely fart
Maker of a stinky fart
Owner of a smelly FAAAA-ART
Say you don't want to smell it
You cut one before
Evil in the air
No Fabreeze to be found
Record company said "Naw, we'll pass on this one".
Did you know there was a Beatles "Urinal Song" that was cut from one of their albums and the lyrics re-written?
It went:
"Here I stand,
Willy in hand,
Face to face with the wall.
Everywhere,
People stare,
because my willy is so small.
HEY1 You just pissed on my shoes!
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
Posts: 3676
Threads: 354
Joined: April 12, 2015
Reputation:
42
RE: joke time
May 23, 2017 at 7:21 am
Then there’s that old George Benson song The Greatest Love of All which was originally The Greatest Smell of All.
I believe that Lysol is the answer
Use it well and don’t forget your feet
Take off your shoes and spray them all inside
Give them the scent of Tide
To make it easier
Let the ph factor remind you of Clorox bleach
Everybody’s searching for the answer
People need something to make them smell good
You never found anything to fulfill your needs
A lonely place to be
Until you learned to use DDT
I decided long ago
You should walk with Dr. Scholl’s odor eaters
But you failed ‘cause you assumed
You could get away with just perfume
No matter what it takes from you
It can’t take away your phew
Because the greatest smell of all
Is happening to you
I found the greatest smell of all
Inside your shoes
The greatest smell of all
Is easy to perceive
Learning to smell yourself
Is the greatest smell of all
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
Posts: 30726
Threads: 2123
Joined: May 24, 2012
Reputation:
71
RE: joke time
May 23, 2017 at 7:33 am
Guns And Roses also got some lyrics rejected and had to re write their song.
Welcome to McDonalds
It gets horrible every day
Learn to live like a fry cook
On their crappy pay
In McDonalds
WELCOME TO MCDONALDS
I WANNA HAMBURGER WITH CHEESE CHEESE
NO PICKLES PLEASE!
...............................
Barbra Streisand also had to re do her lyrics.
People
People who kill people
ARE THE UGLIEST PEOPLE
Record company said, "Yea, that is true,.....but no"
![[Image: nL4L1haz_Qo04rZMFtdpyd1OZgZf9NSnR9-7hAWT...dc2a24480e]](https://external-preview.redd.it/nL4L1haz_Qo04rZMFtdpyd1OZgZf9NSnR9-7hAWTNVY.jpg?width=216&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=7b11e8b38bea0eacc8797fc971574ddc2a24480e)
