Our server costs ~$56 per month to run. Please consider donating or becoming a Patron to help keep the site running. Help us gain new members by following us on Twitter and liking our page on Facebook!
Current time: March 28, 2024, 5:53 pm

Thread Rating:
  • 1 Vote(s) - 5 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
joke time
RE: joke time
Would dragons be impressed that we can make water in our mouths?
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist.  This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair.  Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second.  That means there's a situation vacant.'
Reply
RE: joke time
(May 5, 2017 at 6:29 pm)Cyberman Wrote: Would dragons be impressed that we can make water in our mouths?

That does it for me. I am giving up booze and ABBA. It was that terrible.  Tongue
Reply
RE: joke time
An 85-year-old man had to do a sperm count for his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this home and bring back a sample tomorrow.”
The next day, the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened, and the man explained…
“Well, doc, it’s like this — first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help.
“She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door, and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.”
The doctor was shocked. “You asked your neighbor? Good heavens!”
The old man replied, “Yep, none of us could get the jar open.”
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
Reply
RE: joke time
Reminds me of the time I had to provide a sperm deposit for my and Sam's IVF. The specialist told us about having to reject another couple's specimen because "it contained too much saliva".
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist.  This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair.  Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second.  That means there's a situation vacant.'
Reply
RE: joke time
(May 5, 2017 at 8:03 pm)Cyberman Wrote: Reminds me of the time I had to provide a sperm deposit for my and Sam's IVF. The specialist told us about having to reject another couple's specimen because "it contained too much saliva".



Reply
RE: joke time
Welcome to clickbait club.

The first rule will astonish you.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist.  This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair.  Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second.  That means there's a situation vacant.'
Reply
RE: joke time
(May 5, 2017 at 7:57 pm)Fireball Wrote: An 85-year-old man had to do a sperm count for his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this home and bring back a sample tomorrow.”
The next day, the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened, and the man explained…
“Well, doc, it’s like this — first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help.
“She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door, and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees, but still nothing.”
The doctor was shocked. “You asked your neighbor? Good heavens!”
The old man replied, “Yep, none of us could get the jar open.”

Rule of thumb before reading Fireball's jokes: empty bladder.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.

I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.

Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire

Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
Reply
RE: joke time
One fine day in Heaven, god is talking to St. Peter.

"I really need a holiday. But I don't know where to go!"

"You could go to Mars, I suppose," St. Peter suggests.

"No. Too damned cold and lifeless!" says god.

"How about Venus?"

"Too hot!"

St. Peter thinks for a few minutes and then says, "You could always go to Earth."

"Oh, no!" says god, "I went there once a couple of thousand years ago. You know what? Bang ONE Jewish chick and the bastards are still talking about it!"
Dying to live, living to die.
Reply
RE: joke time
There are two new porn sites out. 

First one is called "Fuckers" the slogan is "Fuckers, with a name like Fuckers it has to be good". Free year supply of pocket lint for anyone who can name the real product I am spoofing.

Netflix has also gotten into the porn action, their new porn website is called "NutFlix".
Reply
RE: joke time
An openly gay guy was a flight attendant on an international flight. Near the end of the flight, he got on the speaker and told the passengers to put up their trays so the pilot could land the plan. Everybody put their trays up except this one lady. Thinking maybe she was hearing impaired, the attended walked up to her and repeated the announcement to put up her tray so the pilot can land the plane. She looked at him and rolled her eyes, obviously able to hear him and deliberately choosing to ignore him.
Lady: In my country, I am called a princess. I take orders from no one.
Attendant: Oh yeah? Well, in my county, I am called a queen. So I outrank you. Now put up your tray.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.

I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.

Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire

Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
Reply



Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  No joke -- I have decided to convert to Christianity! Jehanne 10 2286 April 23, 2021 at 9:54 pm
Last Post: arewethereyet
  A sacred joke. Mystic 15 2737 January 20, 2018 at 10:00 pm
Last Post: Cyberman
  Big Bang Theory Neil Tyson joke Brian37 1 1486 May 18, 2016 at 8:07 pm
Last Post: vorlon13
  There Has To Be A Joke Here, Somewhere! Minimalist 3 2352 October 1, 2014 at 10:57 pm
Last Post: Zidneya
  Joke Minimalist 59 16974 June 27, 2014 at 12:25 am
Last Post: Ravenshire
  A little joke Sup 11 4280 April 10, 2014 at 7:33 pm
Last Post: BrianSoddingBoru4
  Evolution (is a) joke JesusLover1 12 8960 March 2, 2014 at 6:24 pm
Last Post: Minimalist
  Preacher joke 02 Drich 2 1891 February 12, 2014 at 7:15 am
Last Post: NoraBrimstone
  Preacher joke 01 Drich 8 4496 January 20, 2014 at 12:31 am
Last Post: Drich
  Make Up An Atheist Joke freedomfromforum 5 2887 October 6, 2013 at 12:30 am
Last Post: Angrboda



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)