Our server costs ~$56 per month to run. Please consider donating or becoming a Patron to help keep the site running. Help us gain new members by following us on Twitter and liking our page on Facebook!
May 17, 2017 at 10:39 pm (This post was last modified: May 17, 2017 at 10:43 pm by Whateverist.)
Luckie Wrote:Okay so I have a poop story from today and I figure, why not share it with the rest of the pooper scoopers on AF?
It's fairly hilarious.
(Wasn't at the time)
DO NOT OPEN IF U CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!
Today I went to see my doctor whose office is in Downtown Denver off of Colfax. Appx 2hrs (with heavy traffic) drive from my house in South Denver.
I know it was two hours in heavy traffic because I was counting.
Every. Single. Minute.
Why, you may ask?
Ohhhh I think you know.
Because POOP, that's why.
Loots and lots sssssssss of poop.
I don't eat out much, but being as I was nauseous, naturally we stopped at Chic fil A for some much needed lunch.
About ten minutes later my stomach starter talkint, and all it could say was nope nope nope nope nope oh shit nope, etcetera..
I blame Chic fil A Jesus.
So. Ontop of finding out I had a fever whilst at the hospital, now I'm on my way home with uber stomach cramps and a rabid wolf growling in my stomach!
I don't know if you know this but unicorns don't like going potty in public.
So I decided to tough it out till we got home.
My intestines were cramping so hard I think the cars next to me probably thought I was in labor, if they looked.
No joke! My hands were splayed out on the "oh shit" handle and the dashboard, I had one foot up to hopefully let the gas baby out if it wanted to be born.. sweating like crazy and I was slightly delerious, yelling at mom about which way was the fastest way home!
By now it's too late. "Just in case", I say, I shove a plastic bag into my pants.
So we are driving, I'm moaning.. and my Mom, who had just had a suicidal bout over the weekend -- points to a
Cemetery out the window and asks, "how many dead people do you think are in there?"
I'm like, ummm mom not now I'm having a poo baby here!
Without missin a beat she goes, "All of them!"
Silence.
Then I crack up laughing.
HaRd.
And when I do..
Well, you know. Poop.
That was it, we finished the ride home in silence with the windows down.
Fin
There. Am I part of the poop club now?
All I can say is ...
Poop, poop, pee doo(doo)!
(May 17, 2017 at 10:34 pm)Luckie Wrote:
(May 17, 2017 at 10:24 pm)vorlon13 Wrote: it's disturbing enough so many of you check out your soiled TP before flushing it . . .
Right? I don't do that shit. Should I vote?
I wipe once, maybe twice. Then baby wipe it and call it a day.
Granted like if I am having a medical issue like collitis or something I HAVE to look and check, but that's for a good reason!
Y'all need some booty wipes
Baha I'm the only one???
My wife can get away with a wipe or two, tops. She has no carpet in her crack, unlike Vorlon and C_L.
(May 17, 2017 at 8:54 pm)Catholic_Lady Wrote: I have been to south Florida and it is my favorite place. I am very jealous of you.
I've never said i lived in South Florida. But i agree, it is indeed a beautiful place. I did use to live in Florida but Gulf Coast. Best years of my life.
(November 14, 2018 at 8:57 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: Have a good day at work. If we ever meet in a professional setting, let me answer your question now. Yes, I DO want fries with that.
(May 17, 2017 at 8:54 pm)Catholic_Lady Wrote: I have been to south Florida and it is my favorite place. I am very jealous of you.
I've never said i lived in South Florida. But i agree, it is indeed a beautiful place. I did use to live in Florida but Gulf Coast. Best years of my life.
My bad, I thought you lived in Miami.
"Of course, everyone will claim they respect someone who tries to speak the truth, but in reality, this is a rare quality. Most respect those who speak truths they agree with, and their respect for the speaking only extends as far as their realm of personal agreement. It is less common, almost to the point of becoming a saintly virtue, that someone truly respects and loves the truth seeker, even when their conclusions differ wildly."
