How do you deal with anger?

[downbeatplumb]

Hi,

We all live moments in our lives that make us very angry, and even feel a strong desire for revenge. Unfortunately (or fortunately), we live in a society with laws. Meaning if we kill someone for revenge we go to prison.

How do you deal with your anger? With a desire of revenge? In my case this is very hard sometimes. I self-indulge in a cicle of fantasies of revenge. Very hard to let go sometimes.

I do kickboxing. Punching things very hard is  therapeutic.

[Brian37]

I barbecue kittens and record the NFL without their permission and rip the tags off of my mattress.

[The Grand Nudger]

I do work.  The harder the better.  Always logs to split, always a trench to run, irrigation and drainage to lay, my roof could use new shingles.  

Clearing hardwood and brush is probably one of the best..since you get to just lay waste to something and watch it burn.

[Fidel_Castronaut]

I'll be honest and say sometimes I lose my temper all too easily and end up raging a tad too much. I think it comes both from a stressful job and a multitude of home factors such as living in a building site for months on end currently. I've also never been too good about letting things go in RL.

Currently I let it fester too much which isn't good I know.

[vorlon13]

there is nothing like gutting and draining the blood from a Christian baby carcass to ameliorate all manner of frustration and angst

[The Grand Nudger]

I sometimes fat shame my pig when I'm really angry.  Follow me through the weeds, it totally makes sense.

I get to say mean things to something whose feelings won't be hurt.  I get to, at some point, giggle at the absurdity of fat shaming a pig....

-and suddenly I'm happy again.  It makes me happy just thinking about it. I hope it makes yall happy too, lol.

[johan]

Hi,

We all live moments in our lives that make us very angry, and even feel a strong desire for revenge. Unfortunately (or fortunately), we live in a society with laws. Meaning if we kill someone for revenge we go to prison.

How do you deal with your anger? With a desire of revenge? In my case this is very hard sometimes. I self-indulge in a cicle of fantasies of revenge. Very hard to let go sometimes.

Ok not for nothing but that's some fucked up shit right there. While I've had my fair share of anger in my life, I don't believe I've ever been angry enough at anyone to want to kill them or angry enough to lead me to consider the consequences of killing them. That's way too much anger IMO.

I don't know why I've never allowed anger to take me to those levels. I suspect its because I realized early on that in many situations me getting angry and allowing myself to be angry did nothing but make me unhappy. In other words it didn't do anything to hurt the other person, it only hurt me. I guess I've always looked at it that if two people have an interaction and one of the people leaves angry over it, the other person won. IOW two people interact and as result, one of them has a bad day and other doesn't. The one that doesn't have a bad day is clearly the winner there.

Once I realized that, I also realized that me having a good day regardless of how much of a shithead the other person was being is always a win. And winning by not giving a moments consideration to the other person and by having a good day/life is the best revenge. 

Again, I think my ability to rationalize is what lead me to this. The desire for revenge is natural. But taking revenge requires action and taking action requires you to care. If they do something and it bugs you enough to take action, they've won. Even if you get revenge against them and they suffer, they still win because they pissed you off enough to make you do something you would not have done otherwise. 

The opposite of love isn't hate, its apathy. If someone cuts me off in traffic and flips me the finger, I can get pissed off and let it affect my day or I can choose to laugh at what a small minded idiot they are and then immediately forget about it and move on. Opting for the first choice gives my power away and means they win, opting for the second lets me keep my power over the situation and means I win. I like power and I like winning. As always, your mileage may vary.

[Macoleco]

Hi,

We all live moments in our lives that make us very angry, and even feel a strong desire for revenge. Unfortunately (or fortunately), we live in a society with laws. Meaning if we kill someone for revenge we go to prison.

How do you deal with your anger? With a desire of revenge? In my case this is very hard sometimes. I self-indulge in a cicle of fantasies of revenge. Very hard to let go sometimes.

Ok not for nothing but that's some fucked up shit right there. While I've had my fair share of anger in my life, I don't believe I've ever been angry enough at anyone to want to kill them or angry enough to lead me to consider the consequences of killing them. That's way too much anger IMO.

I don't know why I've never allowed anger to take me to those levels. I suspect its because I realized early on that in many situations me getting angry and allowing myself to be angry did nothing but make me unhappy. In other words it didn't do anything to hurt the other person, it only hurt me. I guess I've always looked at it that if two people have an interaction and one of the people leaves angry over it, the other person won. IOW two people interact and as result, one of them has a bad day and other doesn't. The one that doesn't have a bad day is clearly the winner there.

Once I realized that, I also realized that me having a good day regardless of how much of a shithead the other person was being is always a win. And winning by not giving a moments consideration to the other person and by having a good day/life is the best revenge. 

Again, I think my ability to rationalize is what lead me to this. The desire for revenge is natural. But taking revenge requires action and taking action requires you to care. If they do something and it bugs you enough to take action, they've won. Even if you get revenge against them and they suffer, they still win because they pissed you off enough to make you do something you would not have done otherwise. 

The opposite of love isn't hate, its apathy. If someone cuts me off in traffic and flips me the finger, I can get pissed off and let it affect my day or I can choose to laugh at what a small minded idiot they are and then immediately forget about it and move on. Opting for the first choice gives my power away and means they win, opting for the second lets me keep my power over the situation and means I win. I like power and I like winning. As always, your mileage may vary.

You indeed have a point. There is a limit to what you should tolerate though. 

From my perspective, if what you do to someone for revenge is exponentially worse to the pain anger has caused you, it may be worth it sometimes.

[Seraphina]

I usually mutter obscenities under my breath (or silently if my kid is in the room). Sometimes I rip some tunes out on my violin or shove the anger down with food. Can't do that too often, though - gives me heartburn.

ETA: On the revenge/ holding a grudge issue - there's a saying: Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. It took me a long time to realize that grudges are a waste of my valuable time.

-Teresa

[johan]

From my perspective, if what you do to someone for revenge is exponentially worse to the pain anger has caused you, it may be worth it sometimes.

I disagree. To take action requires you to care. If you care, they've won. End of story. Its never worth it.