joke time

[Brian37]

A drunk Irishman, a cheap Scotsman and a Chinese female Olympic swimmer walk into a bar.....

Oh I got it, you are writing a new holy book right? They all get drunk and start a new religion together? 

I got one.

Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris and Richard Dawkins walk into a hotel.......TRUE STORY... No really, I was there. 07 convention in DC. 

[The Valkyrie]

A distraught Irish woman calls emergency services and when the operator answers, she screams down the phone, "I've done something terrible! I was cleaning my gun and it went off! I shot my husband! I feckin killed my husband! What will I do?"

The operator listened and then said, "Ma'am, I need you to calm down. Now, the first thing I need you to do is make sure your husband is dead,"

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment and then the operator hears, *Click. Bang!"

Then the woman comes back on the phone and says, "Okay, I've done that. What's next!"

[pocaracas]

A distraught Irish womanValkyrie calls emergency services and when the operator answers, she screams down the phone, "I've done something terrible!  I was cleaning my gun and it went off!  I shot my husband!  I feckin killed my husband!  What will I do?"

The operator listened and then said, "Ma'am, I need you to calm down.  Now, the first thing I need you to do is make sure your husband is dead,"

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment and then the operator hears, *Click.  Bang!"

Then the woman comes back on the phone and says, "Okay, I've done that.  What's next!"

FTFY

[Brian37]

A distraught Irish womanValkyrie calls emergency services and when the operator answers, she screams down the phone, "I've done something terrible!  I was cleaning my gun and it went off!  I shot my husband!  I feckin killed my husband!  What will I do?"

The operator listened and then said, "Ma'am, I need you to calm down.  Now, the first thing I need you to do is make sure your husband is dead,"

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment and then the operator hears, *Click.  Bang!"

Then the woman comes back on the phone and says, "Okay, I've done that.  What's next?"

FTFY

That is just sooooooo wrong.

[Fireball]

Crass joke in the hide tags. Enter at your own risk.

---

"Marge, your chest seems a little flatter, but you feel really tight, tonight!"

"Quit riding my ass, George!"

---

[The Valkyrie]

FTFY

That is just sooooooo wrong.

Definitely!

I would NEVER be distraught about shooting someone!

Or married!

[Darinda]

A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghanistan Desert.  

                During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a  
                camel hitched up behind the mess tent. 

                He asks their Sergeant why the camel is kept there. 

                The nervous sergeant  
                said, 'Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no  
                women, and sir, sometimes the men have urges. That's why we have Molly The  
                Camel. ‘ 

                The Captain says, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about  
                urges, so the camel can stay.’ 

                About a month later, the Captain starts having his own urges.. Crazy with  
                passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.  

                Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls  
                his pants down and has wild, insane sex with the camel.  

                When he's done, he asks the Sergeant, 'Is that how the men do it?’ 

                'No, not really, sir. They usually just ride the camel into town where the  
                girls are. ‘

[Cyberman]

My sister asked me if I wanted to wind her new baby, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. So I just gave him a dead leg instead.

[Brian37]

I think squirrels burying their acorns for the winter is just plain nuts.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I hate typos.  You transpose just two letters, and the whole post is urined.

Boru