What's the alonest you've ever been?

[The Valkyrie]

This past Thursday morning, I had to put down my pug (he was anywhere from 17-19 years old): he had Lymphoma for about 2.5 months.  He had lost interest in eating the foods that he once went nuts for, and he just grew very weak: earlier that morning, his whimpers along with the discontented expression on his face, told me that it was probably that time to say goodbye to him.  As a result, after I had made the decision to put him down and then participated in the process (massaging his head as the doctor made the injection into his hind leg), I definitely felt heartbroken when the doctor said that he was gone.  Once I got home, I felt extremely alone: losing Dude reminded me of how fond I had grown of him and how much I really loved him--all I could think about was that first moment when I grew attached to him and formed my friendship with him over the course of multiple visits to my sister's home (he originally belonged to my sister), which often ended with me taking him home and hanging out with him and giving him special food.

It's a very hard thing to go through.

Sorry for your loss.

[J a c k]

The first night in my new apartment after I left the house in which I lived with the father of my kids. My kids were at grandma’s. I had been married for exactly ten years on the day I signed the rental agreement.

The bed was big. I could hear the wind noises from the window. I could hear my cat shuffling stuff in the restroom. I cried for the death of an era. It was a turbulent era, but still, it was ten years old and now it was dead. I cried and cried and cried and cried. I put my hands on my chest and cried some more. I’m a lover to silence and solitude, but on that night, I was the loneliest I have ever been.

[Martian Mermaid]

Good question. I really have no clue. Being disabled from birth, I was often left out of the popular social circles, and either left literally alone or embraced by socially impaired misfits that I wanted nothing to do with. Now? I dunno, but after some talks with my psychologist, I realize how important age peers are, and having missed out on a lot of that, I have missed out on that kind of human development. Nowadays, it's hard to know who I fit in with, especially as that can change from moment to moment. I just feel like a stranger in my own body at times.

That sucks. That must be lonely.

[KittyAnn]

Loneliness it's a strange condition....
Sometimes I hate it so much but sometimes it's a salvation ....
I love people but sometimes.. they hurt me so much that i choosen loneliness then.
But when i was too lonely... then i wanted the presence of another man so much ..that i would give everything i have ...to only have a dedicated friend!
Since I remember I love people but I was always afraid of them ...  so most of my life I'm lonely, even in marriage... not by choice
I always wanted to have a lot of children, unfortunately I only have one daughter ...
but I'm glad that I have her at all ... my star from heaven
So most of my life I lived alone among people for whom I was just a gray mouse..
But now I don't feel lonely ... I found a piece of happiness, I found my place in this busy world ... I found you guys, wonderful people ...
i could say a few words about all of you... like Losty a very nice and helpful person, Hammy who always makes me laugh, Poca who knows me better than i know myself, Jack who is so nice person with her adorable smile, Mlmooney89 who is looking for the same happiness in her life what i looking for, Mister Agenda, AtlasS33, ignoramus, The Valkyrie, Tres Leches, Whateverist, Paulpablo, Cyberman, Martian Mermaid, vorlon13 ...and many, many others ....i like you guys!

ps. But once.. i felt really lonely when i had to leave my little daughter and go abroad ... i remember my trip which lasted 24 hours and i cried all the way then .. and then .. months without her... i felt that i had failed as mother..
...loneliness is bad and nasty, but the worst thing is .. to fail someone who trusts you!
I don't wish anyone loneliness..
I would like everyone to feel loved, included and needed....

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Not something I usually talk about.

But I would say when I was in Sierra Leone.  After a VERY long shift dealing with crowded wards and sick patients and staff everywhere, I ended up alone in a small room to get some sleep.

Of course, I couldn't sleep.  It just seemed ridiculous going from such hectic bustling to having nothing to do, so far from home.

It's hard to explain if you haven't been there.

Combat veterans know what you're talking about.

[Edwardo Piet]

I guess I get more bored than lonely.

I certainly miss certain people. But a generalized "loneliness"? No. I struggle to recognize other emotions in myself though, although very occasionally they seem obvious, which makes me wonder if I am partly Alexithymic, so it doesn't surprise me if I struggle to recognize loneliness too. Maybe it's not that I don't feel it, it's that I don't recognize it. I certainly miss certain people, my 'favorite people', my best friends. All on the internet.

As for physically alone . . . that's almost never if you count the internet, and almost always if you don't count the internet. Does meeting a till person (is that what they are called?) at a supermarket to buy food count?

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Whatever you want it to be, no prob. Lots of interesting viewpoints so far.

[The Industrial Atheist]

It would be any one of the times I was hospitalized for schizoaffective disorder. Especially the first time when I was only 14.
I didn't really have any idea what was going on and couldn't imagine I could be having auditory hallucinations.

I kept praying for help, no answer. Imagine that.

[mlmooney89]

With every personal story here I keep going oh I wish I could hug her... now I want to hug him... I just wish I could hug all of you. Not that hugs will fix anything but I want y'all to know you aren't alone.

[The Industrial Atheist]

From the age of 14 to about 23. It came in two different kinds of stages.

14-17 I was secretly being abused on a regular basis by my step father (he had raised me from 3 years old so I called him Daddy) I thought that would be the worst mental state I would ever be in. I would have ended my own life if I was sure that he wouldn't move on to my little sisters if I were out of the picture. My senior year my mom was deployed to Iraq, leaving him to be the sole guardian of us three girls. Figured it was better to just suffer than to allow my sisters any possibility of being hurt.

At 17 I finally broke the silence and he fled the state. I thought keeping the secret all those years was hard but it was nothing to dealing with not only telling people but having most not believe me. I felt like I single handedly ruined my family and more than once I contemplated telling them I lied just to try and take the pain away. I moved out ASAP and was nearly excluded from the family (my mom still took my sisters to go see him in the other state because they were his 'real' daughters and he wouldn't do that to them... plus she didn't really believe me- we both knew that) It wasn't until he killed himself that I started to heal. Eventually the family started to as well. It's been about 5 years since he died and now we just don't discuss it.

That's terrible, mooney. I'm so sorry.