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RE: joke time
April 4, 2018 at 11:15 am
They say that oysters can enhance your sexual performance, but they've never worked for me.
Maybe I'm putting them on wrong.
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
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RE: joke time
April 4, 2018 at 11:37 am
(April 4, 2018 at 11:15 am)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: They say that oysters can enhance your sexual performance, but they've never worked for me.
Maybe I'm putting them on wrong.
Boru
You are not putting them on wrong. In, you are putting them in wrong. Search youtube, you will see.
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RE: joke time
April 4, 2018 at 2:51 pm
(April 4, 2018 at 11:37 am)rskovride Wrote: (April 4, 2018 at 11:15 am)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: They say that oysters can enhance your sexual performance, but they've never worked for me.
Maybe I'm putting them on wrong.
Boru
You are not putting them on wrong. In, you are putting them in wrong. Search youtube, you will see.
Sounds like a vid I have less than no desire to see.
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
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RE: joke time
April 4, 2018 at 4:30 pm
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
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RE: joke time
April 5, 2018 at 4:18 am
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
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RE: joke time
April 5, 2018 at 5:47 am
Husband to wife: how many people have you slept with?
Wife: honestly? i have only ever slept with you..
Husband: Really?
Wife: yeh the rest managed to keep me awake!
"Alone is what I have. Alone protects me."
“I may be on the side of the angels but don’t think for one second that I am one of them.”
“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existence. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery each day."
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RE: joke time
April 5, 2018 at 7:26 am
(This post was last modified: April 5, 2018 at 7:43 am by ignoramus.)
An atheist and a Christian strike up a conversation on a short plane flight.
The Christian can't help himself and suggests that they discuss God.
The Atheist asks if he can ask a question first.
He asks, since the cow, the deer and the horse all eat grass, why do they poo patties, pellets and clumps?
The Theist shrugs and says he has no idea?
The atheist then asks: You wish to talk about God, the creator of the universe but you don't know shit?
Why do Scottish wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away!
A catholic priest and a jewish Rabbi are the first to run out of a burning building.
The priest asks the rabbi, should we go back in and check for kids? The Rabbi says: fuck the kids!
The Catholic priest asks: Do you think we'll have time?
My grandpa just told me that the young ones today rely too heavily on modern technology to survive!
I cracked the shits with the hypocrite, so I unplugged his life support.
Did you hear about the 3 car pile up in Mexico? Something like 200 people died!
Why don't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is?
What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
snowballs!
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
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RE: joke time
April 6, 2018 at 8:31 am
A young army officer was severely wounded in the head by a grenade, but the only visible, permanent injury was that both of his ears were amputated.
Since his remaining hearing was sufficient, he remained in the Army. Many years later he eventually rose to the rank of Major General.
He was, however, very sensitive about his appearance. One day the General was interviewing three servicemen who were candidates for his headquarters staff.
The first was a Squadron Leader pilot from Air Force , and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the General asked him, 'Do you notice anything different about me?' The young officer answered, 'Why, yes, Sir, I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears.' The general was displeased with his lack of tact and threw him out.
The second interview was with a Naval Lieutenant Commander, and he was even better. The General then asked him the same question, 'Do you notice anything different about me?' He replied sheepishly, 'Well, sir, you have no ears.' The General threw him out also.
The third interview was with an Infantryman and a commando qualified Major.
The General liked this guy, and went ahead with the same question, 'Do you notice anything different about me?' To his surprise the Major said, 'Yes, sir, you wear contact lenses.'
The General was very impressed and thought, 'What an incredibly observant officer.'
He asked, 'Major, how do you know I wear contacts?'
'Well, sir,' the officer replied, 'It's pretty hard to wear glasses with no fucking ears.'
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RE: joke time
April 6, 2018 at 7:25 pm
Two Irishmen were applying for a job and during the interview of the first, the boss decided to apply an intelligence check.
"If I was to poke out one of your eyes, what would you be?" asked the interviewer.
"Half blind, sah." replied the Irishman.
"Very good. And what would you be if I poked out both of your eyes?"
"Totally blind, sah!"
"Very good. We'll let you know how you went. Send in the second candidate, please."
The Irishman went outside and said to his friend, "He'll ask you a couple of trick questions at the end. All you have to do is say half blind and totally blind."
Smiling, the second Irishman goes inside and goes through the interview. At the end the of the interview the potential employer asks, "What would you he if I cut off one of your ears?"
Without hesitation the Irishman says, "Half blind, sah!"
"Okay," says the interviewer. "If I was to cut off both your ears, what would you be?"
"Totally blind, sah!"
The interviewer makes a couple of notes and then says, "Those are interesting conclusions. How did you come up with them?"
"Well, " replies the Irishman, "If you were to cut off both my ears my cap would slip down over my eyes!"
Dying to live, living to die.
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RE: joke time
April 6, 2018 at 10:05 pm
Boudreaux, the smoothest-talking Cajun in the Louisiana National Guard, got called up to active duty. Boudreaux’s first assignment was in a military induction center.
Because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.
The officer in charge soon noticed that Boudreaux was getting a 99% sign-up rate for the more expensive supplemental form of GI insurance. This was remarkable, because it cost these low-income recruits $30.00 per month for the higher coverage, compared to what the government was already providing at no charge. The officer decided he’d sit in the back of the room at the next briefing and observe Boudreaux’s sales pitch.
Boudreaux stood up before the latest group of inductees and said, “If you have the normal GI insurance and you go to Afghanistan and get yourself killed, the government pays your beneficiary $20,000. If you take out the supplemental insurance, which cost you only thirty dollars a month, the government has to pay your beneficiary $400,000!" Now, Boudreaux concluded, "Which bunch you think that the government is gonna send to Afghanistan first?”
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
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