joke time

[Fireball]

A well-to-do adventure junkie sees a hungry homeless man and suddenly feels guilty about anything. It's Christmas time and very cold on the street, he gets emotional thinking the time for a sacrifice, a gift that matches the dirty righteousness, has come. He approaches the homeless like a lamb going to slaughter, asking him if he wanted some hotdog, exposing a condom. The bum suddenly blew up in a fit, charging against the good Samaritan, "a one dollar hotdog, for Christmas, are you f ...king kidding me ? I take only ten or twenty dollar bills around this time, as my bottom line !" The scapegoat, apparently freaked out, just manages, "I am hot and this is my dog !"

Well, I just made it up. You know, a controversial screenwriter who never made it in Hollywood, though he did leave marks.

There once was a man who taught his asshole to talk. His abdomen would jiggle up and down as he farted out the words. It was a sound you could smell, you dig. Well he was a comedian so he worked his asshole into the act with him telling jokes and his asshole throwing it right back at him. Soon the asshole grew little pointy tooth-like grows and would chew through his pants and start talking all on its own! When he was drunk it would yell obscenities and say it wanted to be kissed like any other mouth. The man would yell at his asshole to shut up but the asshole just said, "In the end it will be you who shuts up." Soon after that the man started waking up with a substance like a tadpoles tail covering his mouth. This undifferentiated tissue finally took hold and he was unable to wipe it away. He was unable to speak and the asshole was clearly in control. You could see evidence of the man in the eyes for a while but not too long after that the eyes went dead.

     That's excellent!

[chimp3]

A well-to-do adventure junkie sees a hungry homeless man and suddenly feels guilty about anything. It's Christmas time and very cold on the street, he gets emotional thinking the time for a sacrifice, a gift that matches the dirty righteousness, has come. He approaches the homeless like a lamb going to slaughter, asking him if he wanted some hotdog, exposing a condom. The bum suddenly blew up in a fit, charging against the good Samaritan, "a one dollar hotdog, for Christmas, are you f ...king kidding me ? I take only ten or twenty dollar bills around this time, as my bottom line !" The scapegoat, apparently freaked out, just manages, "I am hot and this is my dog !"

Well, I just made it up. You know, a controversial screenwriter who never made it in Hollywood, though he did leave marks.

There once was a man who taught his asshole to talk. His abdomen would jiggle up and down as he farted out the words. It was a sound you could smell, you dig. Well he was a comedian so he worked his asshole into the act with him telling jokes and his asshole throwing it right back at him. Soon the asshole grew little pointy tooth-like grows and would chew through his pants and start talking all on its own! When he was drunk it would yell obscenities and say it wanted to be kissed like any other mouth. The man would yell at his asshole to shut up but the asshole just said, "In the end it will be you who shuts up." Soon after that the man started waking up with a substance like a tadpoles tail covering his mouth. This undifferentiated tissue finally took hold and he was unable to wipe it away. He was unable to speak and the asshole was clearly in control. You could see evidence of the man in the eyes for a while but not too long after that the eyes went dead.

Ever read Burroughs?

[Rhizomorph13]

lots and lots! Naked Lunch, The Soft machine, The Ticket that exploded, and Nova Express I have an anthology that has some particularly good bits in it. Queer and Junkie although it has been a minute since I've read any of them.

[Fireball]

lots and lots! Naked Lunch, The Soft machine, The Ticket that exploded, and Nova Express I have an anthology that has some particularly good bits in it. Queer and Junkie although it has been a minute since I've read any of them.

Must not be Edgar Rice Burroughs. I've never heard of these stories. <lazy-ass didn't look it up on the internet>

[ignoramus]

I just told someone I'm proud of my Australian culture and my way of life and the towel head called me racist! WTF! lol.

[The Valkyrie]

I just told someone I'm proud of my Australian culture and my way of life and the towel head called me racist! WTF! lol.

In real life I was called racist by a Muslim guy living in Australia.

He raved about how Muslim culture was far superior than that of Australia and that we should all adopt Islam and live by his religious standards (oh and Aussie women are all sluts and need to be controlled by men).

After many exchanges with him basically saying the same thing, I asked him if he was so hateful of his host country, why didn't he fuck off back to his home nation?

Apparently that was racist...

[ignoramus]

Just ignore him Beccs. He's just frustrated that he can't have his way with any Aussie "sluts".
Sorry, it's their stupid religion which makes them act that way.

I've got cool Muzzo mates. They're cool because they're well, not religious. You know, pies and footy.
And I know an Aussie dude "funnily enough his real name is Dean Martin! (I bought the business off his brother Steve Martin!)
Anyway Dean Martin's wife brought in a security door to be repaired. She was wearing the full ninja thing on a hot Aussie day.
We had a nice chat, as she left, I put out my hand to shake hers and she refused.
I asked Steve about it and he said that I'll be shocked to hear that his brother converted and wants her to wear that stuff when out at all times. Go figure.
Religion has a way of turning people's brains to mush me thinks. She actually was born here and went to uni with Dean.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Just ignore him Beccs. He's just frustrated that he can't have his way with any Aussie "sluts".
Sorry, it's their stupid religion which makes them act that way.

I've got cool Muzzo mates. They're cool because they're well, not religious. You know, pies and footy.
And I know an Aussie dude "funnily enough his real name is Dean Martin! (I bought the business off his brother Steve Martin!)
Anyway Dean Martin's wife brought in a security door to be repaired. She was wearing the full ninja thing on a hot Aussie day.
We had a nice chat, as she left, I put out my hand to shake hers and she refused.
I asked Steve about it and he said that I'll be shocked to hear that his brother converted and wants her to wear that stuff when out at all times. Go figure.
Religion has a way of turning people's brains to mush me thinks. She actually was born here and went to uni with Dean.

Stephen Fry once told a very funny story about Muslims that got him (briefly and mistakenly) tagged as a racist.

Fry queued up at a cash machine. There was a man using the machine and, about six feet behind him, was a woman in Muslim garb. Fry politely asked the woman if she was waiting to use the machine and she - just as politely - answered, 'Yes.  But I'm a Muslim and I don't feel comfortable standing to close to men I don't know.'

Fry apologized profusely for crowding her and promptly moved back about six feet.  At that point, a man walked up to Fry and asked if was queued up for the machine.  Fry said, 'Yes.  I'm only standing this far back because that woman is a Muslim.'

Boru

[Brian37]

How can someone leave their door ajar? If it is a door, it cant be a jar.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

How can someone leave their door ajar? If it is a door, it cant be a jar.

Boru