joke time

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I can never understand why someone would become an Islamist terrorist suicide bomber on the off chance that they might get 72 virgins when they die.

Become a Catholic priest and get them now.

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

Not how birds happened or how science  suggests they happened

More strawman

Fuxxake, dude, this is the jokes thread. Give it a rest, for once. Or are you going to be chasing this guy's tail pipe, too?

Religion is a joke.

[The Valkyrie]

I can never understand why someone would become an Islamist terrorist suicide bomber on the off chance that they might get 72 virgins when they die.

Become a Catholic priest and get them now.

Boru

Joke's on the Islamists.

Since Lemmy died there are no virgins left in heaven...

[The Architect Of Fate]

I can never understand why someone would become an Islamist terrorist suicide bomber on the off chance that they might get 72 virgins when they die.

Become a Catholic priest and get them now.

Boru

Joke's on the Islamists.

Since Lemmy died there are no virgins left in heaven...

And he brought a lot of Bacon with him 

[Darinda]

So there is this Russian wrestler who is undefeated. He has won every wrestling match in the first round with his move called “the pretzel”.

It is the gold medal match in the Olympics and the Russian is paired against a young American rookie. The coach of the American is telling the rookie over and over “Whatever you do, do not let him get you in the pretzel. If you get in the pretzel, it’s over.”

So they begin to wrestle and within 2 minutes the American finds himself in the pretzel. The coach starts going crazy on the side yelling at him “You have to get out. You have to get out!!”

Suddenly, the American sees some balls hinging in his face. He knows it’s unethical and against the rules, but this is the Olympics and he decides to risk it. He reaches out with his mouth and bites down on the balls as hard as he can.

There is a sudden loud scream, and the American reverses the pretzel and pins the Russian, winning the gold medal. Afterwards the coach asks him “That was amazing. How did you get out of the pretzel?”

The rookie responds, “Well coach. You’d be surprised what you can do when you bite your own balls.”

[Brian37]

Why hasn't anyone asked Neil Degrasse Tyson why he shut down the meat processing plant?

[onlinebiker]

You are probably not in a four star resturant when the after dinner mint is a Tums.

[chimp3]

What's better than a single stemmed rose on your grand piano?

Tulips on your organ.

[The Valkyrie]

I used to date someone who had a twin.

People used to ask how I told them apart?

Well, Jake used to shave his head and Sarah had tits.

[Little lunch]

Dick was the better way to tell.
That's why they cut Sarah's dick off in the first place.