joke time

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I once lived with a girl who accused me of treating her house like a hotel.  I said, 'That is untrue and unfair. I have NEVER snorted cocaine off a stripper's tits in this house!'

Boru

[onlinebiker]

But then you can never make friends

You can make new friends.

It just doesn't always work out so well.


Signed


Victor Frankenstein MD

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Two drunks decide to visit the zoo and eventually stagger their way to the lion exhibit. While they’re watching those magnificent animals, a huge male lion saunters up to the enclosure and lets out a tremendous, ground-shaking roar.

The first drunk says, ‘Fookin’ ‘ell!’ And tries to run off. His mate grabs him by the coat and says, ‘You can’t leave now - the picture’s just started!’

Boru

[Little lunch]

The boy I hired to pick up the shit in my yard has just realised I don't own a dog.

[The Valkyrie]

The boy I hired to pick up the shit in my yard has just realised I don't own a dog.

Feral children?

They're a problem in NZ, too.

I've suggested a catch, fix, euthanise programme but apparently "you can't use an axe to neuter and then kill a child. It's unsanitary!"

[Fireball]

Neutering with the same implement as used for getting your food prepped isn't kosher, young lady!

[Darinda]

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her.

“Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?”

The girl, crying, replied, “Sniff, sniff….dad….I became a prostitute….”

“Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this family.”

“OK, dad – as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million.”

“For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a membership to the country club….(takes a breath)….and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years’ Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and….”

“Now what was it ye said ye had become?” says dad.

Girl, crying again, “Sniff, sniff….a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff.”

“Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug.

[onlinebiker]

Why did Kurt Cobain kill himself?


At a Nirvana concert - the monitors started working.

[The Valkyrie]

Why did Kurt Cobain kill himself?


At a Nirvana concert - the monitors started working.

To beat the rush?

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

At her last court appearance, Amy Winehouse got a slap on the wrist...desperately trying to find a vein.

Boru