joke time

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

111: 'What is your emergency?'

Dog: 'My human has been missing for 1.2 seconds.'

111: 'Have you tried eating the couch?'

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

I was in the drive-through at McDonalds placing an order when I heard honking behind me.

A young guy was apparently annoyed at how long I was taking to place my order. He was gesturing at me and honking his horn.

I drove to the first window and paid for his order and mine.

The girl at the first window must have told the guy because he gestured to me and mouthed "thank you". He looked embarrassed.

I drove up to the second window, picked up both meals and left. It was lunchtime. There was a large queue.

Enjoy going back through, arsehole.

[onlinebiker]

Positively brilliant!

[The Valkyrie]

My neighbour couldn't pay his local taxes and had his water cut off.

I sent him a "get well soon" card.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up and began building a house on the lot. Naturally, the family's 5 year old daughter took an interest in the goings on. It wasn't long before the builders adopted her as a sort of mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them during their breaks, and even gave her little odd jobs to do to make her feel important. At the end of the week, they even gave the girl her very own pay envelope with $10 in it.

The girl rushed home to show her mother the money, and mum suggested that her daughter used it to start a savings account. The next day, they went to the bank and the teller asked the child how such a little girl came by so much money.

'I helped the men who were building the house next to ours,' she answered.

'My, you're an enterprising one, aren't you? And will you be helping them next week as well?'

'I will if those cocksuckers from Builder's Supply deliver the fucking sheetrock.'

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up and began building a house on the lot. Naturally, the family's 5 year old daughter took an interest in the goings on. It wasn't long before the builders adopted her as a sort of mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them during their breaks, and even gave her little odd jobs to do to make her feel important. At the end of the week, they even gave the girl her very own pay envelope with $10 in it.

The girl rushed home to show her mother the money, and mum suggested that her daughter used it to start a savings account. The next day, they went to the bank and the teller asked the child how such a little girl came by so much money.

'I helped the men who were building the house next to ours,' she answered.

'My, you're an enterprising one, aren't you? And will you be helping them next week as well?'

'I will if those cocksuckers from Builder's Supply deliver the fucking sheetrock.'

Boru

Have you heard the KBW song, The Builder?

"I want to be a fucking builder when I grow up, eh mum. Build fucking houses everywhere, millions of the cunts. A bricky or a chippy really, I don't give a fuck."

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

An old friend of mine was telling me how he always cries after sex.  I told him it was his own fault for getting sent to prison in the first place.

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

We're having a special event at the morgue this Friday.

It's open Mike night.

[onlinebiker]

We're having a special event at the morgue this Friday.

It's open Mike night.

Verticals $6 at the door.

Horizontals free.

[The Valkyrie]

A lesbian couple and a gay couple both decided to move to San Francisco.

Because they lived next door to one another, they decided to make a race of it.

Who got there first?

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The lesbians, they got there lickety-split while the guys were still packing their shit

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