joke time

[Brian37]

The captain of the Ever Given  is the former guy.

Before anyone complains about the name, "Evergreen" is the name of the company. "Ever Given" is the name of the ship.

[Brian37]

20 years old: "Do you like the tattoo of the jaguar on my boob?"

70 years old, "Do you like my giraffe tattoo?"

^^^^^^ This, this right here is why I won't get a tattoo. 

I am not against them, but it is a commitment and one one has to accept that the ink fades and your skin wrinkles the older you get.

[A. Secular Human]

20 years old: "Do you like the tattoo of the jaguar on my boob?"

70 years old, "Do you like my giraffe tattoo?"

"...I especially like his gray goatee!"

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

A bear walks into a pub and tells the barman, ‘I’ll have a whiskey and.......................soda.’

‘Why the big pause?’

‘Dunno, I was born with them.’

Boru

[arewethereyet]

A bear walks into a pub and tells the barman, ‘I’ll have a whiskey and.......................soda.’

‘Why the big pause?’

‘Dunno, I was born with them.’

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

Iggy decided to improve his sex life, so he tried taking viagra while smoking cannibis.

But all he got was stiff joints.

[The Valkyrie]

Today some people called me a bad person.

But I think they're just jealous they can't kick pigeons as far as I can.

[downbeatplumb]

Fun fact, women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.

[arewethereyet]

20 years old: "Do you like the tattoo of the jaguar on my boob?"

70 years old, "Do you like my giraffe tattoo?"

^^^^^^ This, this right here is why I won't get a tattoo. 

I am not against them, but it is a commitment and one one has to accept that the ink fades and your skin wrinkles the older you get.

How sweet.  You and OLB agree on something.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

James Bond walks into a bar and looks around, then sits at the bar next to a stunningly beautiful woman. While he’s nursing his martini, he checks his wristwatch several times. The woman notices and asks, ‘Is your date running late?’

‘No, nothing like that,’ Bond answers. ‘Q just issued me this watch. It’s very special and I’m testing it.’

‘Really?’ says the woman. ‘What’s so special about it?’

‘Well,’ 007 suaves, ‘it communicates with me telepathically.’

‘That’s amazing! What’s it telling you right now?’

Bond looks at the watch and says, ‘I hope this doesn’t embarrass you, but right now it’s telling me you’re not wearing panties.’

‘I hate to tell you this,’ she giggles, ‘but your watch must be broken - I assure you I am wearing panties.’

Bond taps the face of the watch, holds it so his ear and mutters, ‘Bloody thing’s running an hour fast.’

Boru