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RE: joke time
March 8, 2022 at 12:16 pm
An elementary school class goes on a field trip to the police station.
The Officer points to the 10 MOST WANTED list and tells them that these are the most wanted fugitives in the USA.
Little Boy says ” He is the MOST WANTED in the USA?!”
Officer says “yes”.
Little Boy asks “Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?”
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RE: joke time
March 8, 2022 at 4:46 pm
My Idea: We find a group of people who absolutely fucking hate each other. We lock them in a room with nothing but guitars, pianos and cocaine.
Fleetwood Mac: Fuck yeah.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
March 8, 2022 at 11:30 pm
Lawyer, "To prove my client is innocent and was at home alone on the day in question, I'd like to present into evidence his browser history."
Client, "I think I'd rather just plead guilty to the murders."
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
March 9, 2022 at 3:02 am
International women's day was supposed to be yesterday, but it took too long to get ready.
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
March 10, 2022 at 4:52 am
What a weird day I had. First, I found a hat full of money. Then, I got chased down the street by some angry guy with a guitar.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
March 12, 2022 at 3:02 pm
In the old days, if you wanted to hit "snooze", you just shot the rooster.
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
March 12, 2022 at 3:30 pm
A lot of novels could be improved by changing the second line to, ‘And then the murders started.’ Like this:
‘Every who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot. And then the murders started.’
‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; and then the murders started.’
‘In a hole in the ground, there lived a Hobbit. And then the murders started.’
‘As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect. And then the murders started.’
‘It was a bright cold day in April and the clocks were striking thirteen. And then the murders started.’
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
March 12, 2022 at 6:39 pm
(March 12, 2022 at 3:30 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: A lot of novels could be improved by changing the second line to, ‘And then the murders started.’ Like this:
‘Every who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot. And then the murders started.’
‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; and then the murders started.’
‘In a hole in the ground, there lived a Hobbit. And then the murders started.’
‘As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect. And then the murders started.’
‘It was a bright cold day in April and the clocks were striking thirteen. And then the murders started.’
Boru
"It was a dark, and stormy night. And then the murders started."
Charles Schulz is spinning in his grave.
Disappointing theists since 1968!
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RE: joke time
March 12, 2022 at 8:29 pm
(This post was last modified: March 12, 2022 at 8:30 pm by Pat Mustard.)
(March 12, 2022 at 3:30 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: ‘In a hole in the ground, there lived a Hobbit. And then the murders started.’
‘As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect. And then the murders started.’
‘It was a bright cold day in April and the clocks were striking thirteen. And then the murders started.’
Boru
With these ones, the addition doesn't need any changes to be made to the plots.
(March 12, 2022 at 6:39 pm)A. Secular Human Wrote: (March 12, 2022 at 3:30 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: A lot of novels could be improved by changing the second line to, ‘And then the murders started.’ Like this:
‘Every who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot. And then the murders started.’
‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; and then the murders started.’
‘In a hole in the ground, there lived a Hobbit. And then the murders started.’
‘As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect. And then the murders started.’
‘It was a bright cold day in April and the clocks were striking thirteen. And then the murders started.’
Boru
"It was a dark, and stormy night. And then the murders started."
Charles Schulz is spinning in his grave.
Don't you mean Edward Bulwer-Lytton?
Urbs Antiqua Fuit Studiisque Asperrima Belli
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RE: joke time
March 13, 2022 at 3:50 am
(March 12, 2022 at 3:30 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: A lot of novels could be improved by changing the second line to, ‘And then the murders started.’ Like this:
‘Every who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot. And then the murders started.’
‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; and then the murders started.’
‘In a hole in the ground, there lived a Hobbit. And then the murders started.’
‘As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect. And then the murders started.’
‘It was a bright cold day in April and the clocks were striking thirteen. And then the murders started.’
Boru
"In the beginning, god created the heavens and the Earth. Then the murders started."
Basically, the bible, abridged.
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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