I've been clean for 47 days!!
Boru
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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Current time: December 16, 2024, 2:56 am
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joke time
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A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink. “Is everything okay, pal?” the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight and she said she wasn’t going to talk to me for a month.”
Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, “Well, maybe that’s kind of a good thing. You know… a little peace and quiet?” “Yeah. But today is the last day…” 
Me, "I'm here for the booze and the hookers!"
Her, "Ma'am, this is a library!" Me (whispers), "I'm here for the booze and the hookers!" Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???" 
Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied?
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
“How would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”
While teaching a class a teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question: “Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?” Michael said: “Just a minute I have to go pee.” The teacher responded by saying: “That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?” Sherman said: “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” “That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?” Johnny said: “I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner.”
Little Billy runs home crying.
Mother, "Why are you crying, Billy?" Billy, "The priest just washed out my mouth with soap!" Mother, "Did you say a bad word?" Billy, "No, he said it was to get rid of his DNA!" Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
Her, "I'm pregnant."
Him "Hi, pregnant. I'm dad!" Her, "No, you're not." Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
Having a healthy sex life helps improve your memory.
Merry Christmas, everyone! Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
Dracula films are never rebooted, just revamped.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
‘If Donald Trump hadn’t inherited all that money from his father, what do you think he’d be doing now?’
‘25 to life.’ Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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