The Last Movie You Watched

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project, the third film in this "Leaving HBO Max At The End of the Month"-themed month, Happily N'Ever After.

• Goddammit, it's going to be one of those movies where they don't give a shit about the fourth wall, is it?
  
• So, basically, not only is there a land where fairy tales  happened, but it's a land where they keep fucking happening? So, once Cinderella ends up getting her happy ending, she ends up going back to being her stepmom's slave? And that if someone pushes a set of scales, Snow White can turn into a crane or summat?
  
• Of course, I forgot to mention that this was the last film of George Carlin. OF course, he still has a better swan song after this:
  
  
  
• I never thought  I'd find Patrick Warburton annoying, but evidently it's real. At least Wallace Shawn actually works well in his role, even if he has to deal with Andy Dick.
  
• Since when the fuck does George Carlin like golf?
  
• Don't worry, Andy Dick. In a few years, Disney's going to have a take on Rapunzel with a significant cosmetic change. Granted, making her a barefooter doesn't really affect the story, but it's enough for me to consider her the best Disney princess (well, that and actually being 18).
  
• Is Wallace Shawn that loud that the Wicked Stepmother is able to hear his remarks about how this orb can control the fate of the kingdom.
  
• It's weird, if I didn't know better, I'd swear that Rick the Servant was originally female, and given a male voice because homophobia like that one henchman from Sailor Moon.
  
• So, how do we fuck up Sleeping Beauty? Have it turn out that Prince Charming is into dead bodies? Re-enact that scene from Promising Young Woman? Or, just have him fall asleep, that works too.
  
• Hey, Wicked Stepmother, just be happy that not being part of the Royal Family is all the punishment you get. Most of these other stories, the bad guy gets killed.
  
• So, this unhappy ever after for Ella is basically what happened to her in the original story, except the Prince is too stupid to realise that his true love is standing right in front of him.
  
• IN absolute fairness, as a Leonard Cohen fan, that "Hammer's Coming Down" song sounds great. It's a shame that, somehow, the composer/singer can somehow manage to post it twice, but not include a version that's just the song.
  
  
  
• What sick mind thought to mash up "Monster Mash" and "Disco Inferno?"
  
• The cow jumping over the moon? That's a nursery rhyme, not a fairy tale!
  
• Huh, Rumpelstiltskin is showing his hand too early by dropping his own name.
  
• Just stealing a baby isn't as evil as it gets. First you have to do something with the baby.
  
• You're complaining about how you only work at night... while it looks like it's still fucking night? 
  
• Are they using the "Kiss it! Maybe it'll turn into a prince!" line again? It was stupid enough when they actually had a frog, but now that they're just running from a wolf, it's just random? 
  
• Of course the Prince is stupid enough to think the horse is supposed to ride him. Of course.
  
• So, the seven dwarves are redneck survivalists? I have to admit, that's a unique twist. Not sure if it's a good one, especially when they start to chuck diamonds at the bad guys.
  
• Unfortunately, the "Get What I Want" song is more annoying, with an instrumental that's cluttered and a bit out of sync. 
  
• So, the story ends after the happy ending? I think we're back to pointing out how fucked up it is that it looks like these fairy tales just keep happening. Like, shortly after Ella gets the prince, she's just going to go back to being her stepmother's slave, which just makes her desire to take power and make the world in her image more meaningless. Regardless, she's going to win anyway. She's not going to be queen or Empress or anything like that, but it's only a matter of time before Ella's back to scrubbing the floors. 
  
• Why are they doing a lawyer-friendly version of "Building Steam With a Grain of Salt"?
  
• Also, I just remembered that the Wizard's supposed to be in Scotland for a golf tournament. What does Wicked Stepmother expect to happen once he comes back?
  
• And you'd have thought that the Wizard would have actually played a role in the climax.
  
• And evidently, the Wicked Stepmother's endgame is being part of an elephant seal gang-bang.
  
• ...They made me wait through all the credits for that weird fucking noise? 
  
  
  

Next week, I'm going to take on the sequel Happily N'Ever After 2: Snow White, Another Bite @ The Apple, which takes everything bad about this movie, replaces any potentially good parts, and does so on half the budget of the original.

[Silver]

Escape the Field (Peacock)

Six strangers wake up trapped in an endless cornfield only to discover something mysterious is hunting them.

[Gwaithmir]

[Silver]

Jurassic World: Dominion (Peacock)

Four years after the destruction of Isla Nublar, Biosyn operatives attempt to track down Maisie Lockwood, while Dr Ellie Sattler investigates a genetically engineered swarm of giant insects.

[Fake Messiah]

Escape the Field (Peacock)

Six strangers wake up trapped in an endless cornfield only to discover something mysterious is hunting them.

Sounds like the movie "In the Tall Grass" (2019)

A brother and sister enter a field of tall grass to rescue a boy, but they soon realize they cannot escape and something evil lurks in the grass.

[Silver]

Escape the Field (Peacock)

Sounds like the movie "In the Tall Grass" (2019)

A brother and sister enter a field of tall grass to rescue a boy, but they soon realize they cannot escape and something evil lurks in the grass.

I thought the same thing. The main difference with the grass movie being supernaturally based while the field movie is sci-fi.

[Silver]

Artemis Fowl (Disney+)

Artemis Fowl, a young criminal prodigy, hunts down a secret society of fairies to find his missing father.

[Silver]

Time for a musical.

Better Nate Than Never (Disney+)

13-year-old Nate Foster fantasizes about becoming a big Broadway star. He and his best friend Libby mastermind a daring trip to New York City to audition for "Lilo and Stitch: The Musical".

[Orbit]

Frank Capra's "Shangri-La"

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Radio Flyer. Hated it.

Boru