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Current time: December 15, 2024, 8:44 pm

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joke time
RE: joke time
Q. What has 3 teeth and is 40 feet wide?

A. The front row of a tRump Rally.
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RE: joke time
Heisenberg and Schrodinger are in a car. They get pulled over.The cop asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg responds, "No, but I know exactly where I am!"
 
The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "You have a dead cat back here!"

"We do now, asshole!" shouts Schrodinger.
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RE: joke time
(September 21, 2022 at 1:23 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: Due to ongoing sanctions, Russia is attempting a large-scale switch from Windows to Linux. There appears to be a significant problem, though - no one can figure out how to throw a political opponent out of a fourth-floor Linux.

[Image: FTm0zx5VsAA1yMr?format=jpg]
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RE: joke time
1st option: Be universe level asshole by creating eternal hell and hiding it. And hide yourself.
2nd option: Simply show yourself and dont f with peoples minds.
God: I think, I will choose asshole option.
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RE: joke time
[Image: FgMIGPfVIAAHu_b?format=jpg]
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RE: joke time
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”
“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Grandpa. “How about a demonstration?”
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, “Okay. Go ahead.”
Grandpa says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”
The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.”
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.
Grandpa says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
“Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he ends up urinating all over the auditor’s desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa’s own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
“Are you okay?” the auditor asks.
“Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it!”
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RE: joke time
(October 29, 2022 at 12:05 pm)Darinda Wrote: The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”
“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Grandpa. “How about a demonstration?”
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, “Okay. Go ahead.”
Grandpa says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”
The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.”
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.
Grandpa says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
“Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he ends up urinating all over the auditor’s desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa’s own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
“Are you okay?” the auditor asks.
“Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it!”

I rarely LOL, but you got one.
Disappointing theists since 1968!
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RE: joke time
I have a Hallowe’en joke about exponents, but I’m 2^2 to say it.

Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
(October 30, 2022 at 4:32 am)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: I have a Hallowe’en joke about exponents, but I’m 2^2 to say it.

Boru

Atheists tend not to do well with exponents. We don't believe in higher powers.
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RE: joke time
The BF said, "Sex is so much better on holiday!"

When he gets back, I'm gonna kill him.

Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:

"You did WHAT?  With WHO?  WHERE???"
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