joke time

[The Valkyrie]

Doesn't work that way.

Without clear indications of an eating disorder, I can't recommend a shrink consult. That's why I pass patients to a dietician.

But he can not lose weight to save his life...

Here's the thing, though.

He saw the dietician, got a plan in place, then didn't bother going back to the dietician for his monthly reviews.

He was referred back to his GP.

[The Valkyrie]

I got my Halloween costume. It's a Catholic priest outfit.

While wearing it, I tried to embrace my inner child.

The Vatican has now moved me to Ecuador!

[Fireball]

I got my Halloween costume.  It's a Catholic priest outfit.

While wearing it, I tried to embrace my inner child.

The Vatican has now moved me to Ecuador!

I liked your post, but dammit anyway, the entire Catholic church should be sent to some remote Pacific Island. Yes, I'm aware that there are a lot of clerics, and a lot of the islands are under water with the tide. #sad...not

[Darinda]

An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally, they decided it was time for marriage. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. “How do you feel about sex?” he asked, rather trustingly.
“Well,” she says, responding carefully, “I’d have to say I would like it infrequently.”

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment. Then, looking over his glasses, he looked her in the eye casually asking, “Was that one word or two?”

[Darinda]

A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband — who was a big burly man — tossed his trousers to his bride and said, “Here, put these on.”

She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. “I cant wear your trousers,” she said
“That’s right, said the husband, “and don’t you ever forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family.”

With that she flipped him her panties and said, “Try these on.”

He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. “Hell,” he said. I cant get into your panties!”
She replied, “That’s right, and that’s the way its going to stay until your attitude changes.”

[purplepurpose]

Usa in movies: Lets save the world.
USA in reality: Lets blow up gas pipes to sell LNG and keep german hostile to russia.

[The Valkyrie]

I just bought bottled water from Ikea.

The box contained two flasks of hydrogen, a flask of oxygen, and a bucket.

WTF?

[Fireball]

I just bought bottled water from Ikea.

The box contained two flasks of hydrogen, a flask of oxygen, and a bucket.

WTF?

Turn them upright, pop the seals and hold a match to them. What eyebrows!? 

[A. Secular Human]

I just bought bottled water from Ikea.

The box contained two flasks of hydrogen, a flask of oxygen, and a bucket.

WTF?

Take it back.  Pieces are missing...

...the matches.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I just bought bottled water from Ikea.

The box contained two flasks of hydrogen, a flask of oxygen, and a bucket.

WTF?

I just bought an inflatable jack-o-lantern that turned out to have a puncture. Fortunately, I have a pumpkin patch.

Boru