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Current time: December 15, 2024, 4:30 pm

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joke time
RE: joke time
One day, Pete complained to his friend, “My head really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor.”

His friend said, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply tell it the problem, put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose it and tell you what you can do about the issue you’re having. It only costs $20.00.”

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $20.00.

The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:

You have migraines. You need to take better care of yourself. Get daily rest, drink a lot and avoid bright lights, stress, and strain. See me again in 2 weeks.

During the next 2 weeks, while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he even added some oil from his car.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $20.00, again stating he had a bad headache. He waited curiously to see what the computer will say about the odd mix. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed lights, and printed out the following analysis:

Your tap water has too much waste in it.

Your dog has ringworms.

Your teenage daughter is pregnant.

Your wife has had 5 different lovers in the past six months.

Also, your car needs a new radiator.

And you wonder why you have a headache?
Reply
RE: joke time
My 7 year old son came in from school today and asked me:

“Dad, what kind of mouse can walk on 2 legs?”

“Erm, I don’t know” I replied

“Mickey Mouse” he replied laughing

“Dad, what kind of duck can walk on 2 legs”

“Donald Duck” I replied

“No, all ducks you idiot”
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RE: joke time
I approached a dentist.

"I think I'm a moth."

"You need a psychiatrist... not a dentist."

"I know."

"Then why are you here?"

"The light was on".
Schopenhauer Wrote:The intellect has become free, and in this state it does not even know or understand any other interest than that of truth.

Epicurus Wrote:The greatest reward of righteousness is peace of mind.

Epicurus Wrote:Don't fear god,
Don't worry about death;

What is good is easy to get,

What is terrible is easy to endure
Reply
RE: joke time
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. “Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?” asked the one.
“Well, not exactly.” his friend replied, “she’s more into the trick dog aspect of it.”
“Oh, I see, kinky, huh?”
“Well, not exactly – I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead.”
Reply
RE: joke time
Me as a waitress...

Customer, "How do you prepare the chicken?"

Me, "We straight up tell them they're going to die."

Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:

"You did WHAT?  With WHO?  WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
Whats the difference between Hitler and God.

Hitler was at least decent enough to die in the end.
Reply
RE: joke time
How does The Rock pee?




Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Reply
RE: joke time
(April 22, 2023 at 1:48 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: How does The Rock pee?




Boru
OMG - you need a spanking...never mind...that probably wouldn't be seen as a punishment.
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Reply
RE: joke time
(April 22, 2023 at 2:27 pm)arewethereyet Wrote:
(April 22, 2023 at 1:48 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: How does The Rock pee?




Boru
OMG - you need a spanking...never mind...that probably wouldn't be seen as a punishment.

Certainly not if your ever-evolving avatar was dishing it out...
Disappointing theists since 1968!
Reply
RE: joke time
(April 22, 2023 at 5:13 pm)A. Secular Human Wrote:
(April 22, 2023 at 2:27 pm)arewethereyet Wrote: OMG - you need a spanking...never mind...that probably wouldn't be seen as a punishment.

Certainly not if your ever-evolving avatar was dishing it out...

I like the changes...there are a lot of pics of Harley Quinn (a la Margo Robbie) to choose from.
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Reply



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