joke time

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

What do a frozen beer, a burnt pizza, and a pregnant woman have in common?

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An idiot who didn’t take it out in time.

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Boru

[Darinda]

A girl walks into a grocery store and asks the stock boy if he has any nuts.

The guy says, “No, ma’am.”

She says, “Well, do you have any dates?”

And he says, “Ma’am, if I don’t have nuts, do you really expect me to have dates?”

[A. Secular Human]

An elderly gentleman in a grocery store asks a perky young female clerk in a tight skirt for help getting him some bread, which is up on a high shelf.

The attractive young woman retrieves a ladder, and proceeds to climb up to the top shelf.

The old man gazes upwards, and notices that she isn't wearing any underwear.

The clerk looks down and asks "Is it raisin?"

And the old guy answers "Nope, but it's twitchin' a mite!"

[The Valkyrie]

Since Russia won't release a New York Times journalist, it has been suggested that US authorities arrest a Russian journalist and hold him as leverage.

Now, no-one can find Tucker Carlson.

[Darinda]

“Last Sunday I found a wallet packed with money down by the church.”

“Did you give it back?”

“Not yet. I’m still trying to decide if it’s a temptation from the devil or the answer to a prayer.”

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Push a man into an active volcano, and the sun god will ensure a bountiful harvest for all.

Boru

[A. Secular Human]

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Push a man into an active volcano, and the sun god will ensure a bountiful harvest for all.

Boru

Or, you just drop a ring into it.

Depends on the man...

[Fake Messiah]

My doctor sent me for a prostate exam at the hospital. I went, reluctantly, got called into the office, and patiently suffered through the very personal examination.

When the examining surgeon left, a nurse came in and asked, “Who the heck was that?”

[The Valkyrie]

My doctor sent me for a prostate exam at the hospital. I went, reluctantly, got called into the office, and patiently suffered through the very personal examination.

When the examining surgeon left, a nurse came in and asked, “Who the heck was that?”

"Tell me when you feel my finger!"

"Uh, I feel it now!"

"Look, no hands!"

I'll let you work it out..

[A. Secular Human]

My doctor sent me for a prostate exam at the hospital. I went, reluctantly, got called into the office, and patiently suffered through the very personal examination.

When the examining surgeon left, a nurse came in and asked, “Who the heck was that?”

"Tell me when you feel my finger!"

"Uh, I feel it now!"

"Look, no hands!"

I'll let you work it out..

If it can pass as a finger, the Doc's partners are in for a little surprise!