All kidding aside (right), who shot JFK?

[I and I]

Oswald the CIA operative shot JFK.

[freedomfromforum]

I just love how the wifie leaped onto the trunk to retrieve the chunks of his head that exploded. Now that's love for you

Seriously though - I maintain the exploding Tic-Tac® theory.

First of all, the tic tac wasn't invented until 1969. Someone has some splaining to do round here!

He was testing a prototype... DUH!

[CleanShavenJesus]

First of all, the tic tac wasn't invented until 1969. Someone has some splaining to do round here!

He was testing a prototype... DUH!

That explains the "exploding" part.

[Cinjin]

There should be a "Who Cares" option in the poll.

It's been 50 fucking years people. Even if (incredibly) the government did have something to do with it. What the fuck you gonna do about it now? It's not like there's a US citizen in this country that has any faith in the government now anyway, and since we can't put JFK's corpse in office to make amends, I'd say we should all just let it the fuck go already.

[thesummerqueen]

Goddammit, Teag, you beat me to it.

[Optimistic Mysanthrope]

Jesus, I thought everyone know this. Sod it, I'll try and explain it for those that haven't heard.

Now it all started in the late 19th century. Queen Victoria managed to insinuate her children and grandchildren into major families across Europe (particularly Germany and Russia) and united Europe under her dominating personality. Her death in 1901 created a power vacuum and after a brief struggle, the most powerful members of the European royal family formed a power sharing executive secretly known as the Majestic 12.

The group initiated a series of plans to extend their control into the rest of the world, largely by exercising their combined industrial and economical might and created a number of financial and banking institutions.

Peace didn't last long however and old rivalries soon came to a head. The group splintered into 2 main factions, leading to the outbreak of WW1. Kaiser Wilhelm plotted to take Russia out of the war, by using one of Majestic 12's best agents, codenamed Rasputin. Rasputin managed to get Anastasia Romanov to defect, and between them they enacted a plot which lead to the assassinations of the rest of the Romanov family, faking Anastasia's death in the process.

Not all of the Russian branch of Majestic 12 was eliminated however and they went into hiding. They infiltrated the Bolshevik movement, gaining key positions.

After the close of the war, both factions realised that future actions would have to be much more covert, so they relocated and solidified their respective powerbases into their financial and industrial operations.

I'm going to skip a lot of information about what happened in the meantime, but suffice to say they continued their nefarious schemes while the world suffered the results of their bitter rivalries and thirst for power.

Essentially, JFK found out about the ongoing Sub Rosa war and the depths to which they had manipulated governments, nations and the whole of modern history. He planned to start the space race in order to deplete the funds of both superpowers, reducing the financial capital of the controlling factions of Majestic 12 in the process. The major thing which brought him to the attention of that clandestine group was his intention to place the federal reserve under strict government control, an action that would have cripple the financial strength of the western branch of Majestic 12.

Needless to say this pissed off a few people, resulting in JFK's assassination via an MK Ultra operative masquerading as a secret service agent. Lee Harvey Oswald was hired as a patsy to kill John Connally, the governor of Texas.

Unknown to the conspirators, a group of delinquents were playing with firecrackers behind a grassy knoll. The fireworks went off at the wrong moment, throwing off Oswald's aim. Seconds later, the MK Ultra agent used his kick-ass psychic power to blow up Kennedy's head with, as FFF rightly pointed out, a high speed prototype tictac

[Whateverist]

Goddammit, Teag, you beat me to it.

Teag? "Tea Earl ..ah.. Grey?"

[Tea Earl Grey Hot]

Goddammit, Teag, you beat me to it.

[Captain Colostomy]

Oswald pulled the trigger on Jackie O's orders. JFK gave her the herp he picked up from Marilyn.

[Cyberman]

Any fule kno it was Papa Doc Duvalier who put a curse on him, combined with the fact that he was presidented in a year divisible by twenty (triggering an older but oddly specific curse). No need for conspiracies or Cold War intrigue - poor bastard never stood a chance. Quite frankly, Oswald probably did him a favour.