How to tell parents I'm an atheist

[Alex K]

I'm 15

Are they the type to throw you out on the street? If so, bad idea.

On the other hand, if that happens and you get it in the news, atheists will raise, like, $30,000 for your college fund.

Lol, it might just work, but don't give'em ideas!

[Mister Agenda]

Dont strawman my position. you said that you would force me to be a muslim. so i would kill you if you did that and would have every right to.

To be precise, the scenario is that he tells you that you have to become a Muslim. Unless he has power to enfoce that, you'd be killing him for saying something you don't want to hear.

[OGirly]

Back on topic - partly very well put. However, I have some disagreements. Shutting up about your views in order to avoid psychotherapy because of
broken relationships... that sounds just wrong...
In any case, it's everyone's individual judgement whether they think it's a good idea or not, whether they feel the need to proclaim their views or not.
However, you seem to belittle atheist activism as some kind of juvenile phase, something that you just don't do anymore once you're grown up, and boy that really annoys me. Atheists are the most mistrusted group in the US, and speaking out against prejudice and bullying is not a phase of youthful enthusiasm, to be dismissed like this.

Maybe I should have been more clear sorry. I'm not advocating stopping atheist activism. I'm just saying with your own parents it's probably not the most meaningful thing to do. Don't try to force your views on your parents. For example when I was young I was very active in the war resistors league doing anti recruitment. My father was a veteran and proud of his military service. I spent a lot of time, because I was young and hot headed, spouting a lot of anti military stuff around home; and now as an adult I can understand and emphasise with my father on how this probably made him feel. It probably made him feel like I didn't respect or value the service he did, or I was thinking him less of a human because he served and killed people. We've talked since I did learn that my anti-military spouting did hurt his feelings. That's all I'm saying. To the general public it's fine to be an activist all you would like, but with your own family it's sometimes better to exercise a little restraint and be respectful. That's what I was trying to say.

As far as avoiding problems etc to avoid future psychotherapy it was more or less tongue in cheek. I wouldn't seriously advocate hiding how you feel if it's causing you problems to avoid that. More a joke that I think maybe was lost in translation

[Phatt Matt s]

I'm an atheist and my parents make me go to church. No one knows I'm an atheist but I've been wanting to tell my parents about it. But I'm afraid they'll be dissapointed in me. What do I do?

Tell them you don't hear from God and Religion is so divided and seemingly simpleminded and superstitious to you. It is simply impossible to know the truth and God isn't leading you. Explain to them that God would have to be a real jerk to burn you in hell simply because of your lack of belief and his unwillingness to speak to you. That's what I did anyways.

God bless you!

[Mothonis]

I extremely disagree with this view. lack of belief should not also mean lack of integrity or courage.I would tell the truth even if it means death penalty.Think about how many nazis went along with hitler even though they didnt believe what he believe,they use the excuse,that there safety was being threatened. Besides your sending message that atheists have no courage to the christian community.

I never said that lack of belief equates to lack of integrity or courage if you don't scream about it all the time, and it's all well and good for you to say that you would tell the truth even if it meant the death penalty, but that doesn't take into account different personalities and different attitudes about one's life and its importance. It's people like you, the brave people, the fearless people, that make it possible for the people who aren't as brave and fearless as you to one day step out of their closet and be seen.

Not everyone has the same personality, the same ability to shrug off the bullying, shaming remarks, and not everyone has the same lackadaisical attitude about their life. My life is pretty fuckin' important to me and I'm not sure that I'd give it up to make a point like you would. But neither does that mean that I'll simply cave in to societal pressures.

To use your (atrociously inappropriate) holocaust example, there were people who stood up to the Nazis in defense of the Jews and gave up their lives. But there were also people who kept their mouths shut, made a show of going along with the Nazis, and had 10 Jews hidden in their attic that they fed and cared for and kept safe.

What you're doing is saying that everyone has to fall into the first category, that we all have to scream and shout and be willing to give our lives up. But that's not the only way to help people. That's not the only way to approach the situation. And to claim that everyone has to do what you would do is not seeing the bigger picture and not recognizing that there are other important roles to play. We need both kinds of people - the ones who will shout from the roof tops and take those bullets, and the one who will give people a safe place to stay and protect them when they're in danger, and all sorts of people in between.

I also agree with everything Alex K and Fromper said. Equating the plight of a 15 year old atheist with the systematic killing of a religious sect is inappropriate and totally not the same thing, and it's inappropriate to ask a minor to fight for something that could put his safety and well being at risk. We adults should be fighting for him, and if he agrees with you, Mothonis, than it's up to him to decide that being public about his atheism is worth more to him than having a roof over his head. That's not a choice anyone should prescribe his answer to, not you, not me, not anyone in these forums. He has to make that choice for himself.

Of course its up to him to decide how to live his own life, he is after all a individual.But if you don't stand up for yourself now you may come to regret it later,i know i have.The thing is in life you are gonna be surrounded by people who try to put you down one way or another, wether its because your an atheist or some other reason.Even after he moves out of his parents house the societal pressures wont stop. the community will probably still make it difficult for you.To those who felt the holocaust was inappropriate think about the dark ages. science was surpressed and factual reality was denied simply because there were people who could not handle it.If people stood up soner the damage it caused probably wouldn't have been so bad,and scientific advancement today would be even further along.Iam not so sure that they can simply put a minor out in the street, i believe that would count as child abandonment.I could be wrong but i was always told that your parents have to take care of you as a minor.The thing about courage is that you dont have to be strong or smart to have inner strength.It didn't come naturally to me,i still have plenty of fears but you can learn to overcome them.

iam sorry for the misunderstanding about the holocaust example.

[ShaMan]

Mom, dad... Not that you'll understand, but, I disagree with you.

[Clueless Morgan]

Of course its up to him to decide how to live his own life, he is after all a individual.But if you don't stand up for yourself now you may come to regret it later,i know i have.The thing is in life you are gonna be surrounded by people who try to put you down one way or another, wether its because your an atheist or some other reason.Even after he moves out of his parents house the societal pressures wont stop. the community will probably still make it difficult for you.

if he gets himself thrown out of his house he might regret it. If he tells them and they force him into councilling with their pastor he might regret it. If he tells them and they have a terrible response he might regret it. If he doesn't speak up right now and waits until he's 18 or financially independent he might not regret it. Looking out for his well being by keeping his mouth shut might not be a regret for him. And nothing necessitates that he cave to societal pressures for the rest of his life because he waited until he was 18 to tell his parents he's an atheist.

If we focus on what he might regret we could argue forever.

[Polaris]

Don't tell them. Unlike homosexuality, atheism doesn't require you to act different than what is considered normal.

[Phatt Matt s]

Don't tell them. Unlike homosexuality, atheism doesn't require you to act different than what is considered normal.

lmfao

U don't need to come out of the closet.

[MJ the Skeptical]

Don't listen to this Polaris guy, as long as your parents won't abandon you, kick you out or marginalize you then you should feel comfortable telling them if it comes up or is important to you.

Don't tell them. Unlike homosexuality, atheism doesn't require you to act different than what is considered normal.

Complete horseshit, both require you to act differently if the religious people are making you act differently. Ironically, most religions inherently hate both of those groups, what a shocker.

In the Armed forces in the US, you have to go to prayer sessions, to be a politician you have to hide that you're an Atheist, you most certainly have to act differently as an Atheist and it's sickening that anyone has to. The fact of the matter is, your beliefs inform your actions. And your religious/irreligious beliefs affect your everyday life. The guy who just killed his son because he wanted to continue their argument in the afterlife, that religion of his informed his actions. And if he was an atheist I seriously doubt he would have tried to kill them both so they could argue in some fictitious place where the argument is solved. Acting gay and acting atheist both don't require a change in who you are unless it's the people around who make you hide and change.