Religion and children

[CindysRain]

For anyone who thinks that raising children in church, and according to the bible, doesn't harm them. Think again.

After walking away from the baptist faith, well religion in general, I've had a couple open talks with my kids about this. I was sad and surprised by some of the things they have shared with me.

My daughter is 25. It was only a couple years ago that she admitted to me, for the first time, that when she was little, she was constantly worried that she wasn't really "saved", and would go to hell.

She felt that every time she did something really bad, (in her mind), that jesus would be mad at her, and then she worried that maybe she wasn't going to heaven, so nearly every night, she went through the salvation process of admitting sin, and asking jesus into her heart. My son admitted to often feeling the same way.

This went on for years, unknown to me. All because of her fear of hell.

Mind you, I was a stay at home mom, and very close to my kids. We talked about anything and everything. Naturally, I asked her why she never told me, and she said it was because she felt bad....she didn't want me to know that she often didn't "feel" saved. She thought that was a sin too.

Another big issue for my kids, was when one of their grandmas died, who was an outspoken atheist. Not only are they devastated at the loss of grandma, but now they are facing the images of her burning in hell. Sadly, at the time, I was still very much a christian, and struggled in what to say to comfort them.

They also felt pressure to witness to anyone they cared about, because they worried that those people would burn in hell. What a horrific responsibility to put on any child ever.

We do so much to protect them from any type of brutality while they are growing up, yet don't even consider what they are being exposed to at church.

[Ravenshire]

I think raising kids in an environment where judgement, punishment and disapproval from some ultimate authority is, essentially, child abuse. It's why I've never allowed my kids to be dragged off to church. No sleepovers on Saturday night with known every Sunday worshipers, unless it's understood that my kids comes home before service, no going to that "fun" thing with their friend at the local church and certainly no door-to-door jeebus salesmen allowed to talk to them. I just can't see burdening a kid with that level of guilt, fear and lack of self-esteem.

On the other hand, the wife and I have always been open about all the christer taboo subjects like sex (especially my sex before marriage stance), sexuality, race (I hate that term, but don't know what else to use), drugs, belief and lack thereof and you know what? We managed to raise a couple strong, independent (too much so at times ), free thinking, open, honest, caring kids. Neither is pregnant or strung out on drugs. They aren't bigoted by race, gender, sexual preference, social status or any other bullshit, made-up differences. One is bi and a self proclaimed atheist. The other is a bit boy crazy and a self proclaimed agnostic (reasoning her own way around to atheism). She asks the toughest (to theists) religious questions.

Neither carries any guilt she didn't earn through her own actions and they're things they should feel guilty for. I think we did ok, especially compared to their friends parents who "put the fear of gawd into them" and are now dealing with rehab and extreme sexual promiscuity in one case and teen (15-year old) intentional pregnancy in another. Yes, I know there are good christer parents who can claim the same thing but to me the averages seem low on the christer side.

[ShaMan]

Hell ain't real.

God is not...

Live your life.

Love... always.

[Bob Kelso]

I was raised in a Southern Baptist home, and as a child I often felt afraid; afraid of hell, afraid of Jesus being angry at my "sinning"... you get the picture. I would ask Jesus every night to forgive me of my sins, and was taught to include the phrase "and any sins I unknowingly committed" and I was constantly worried over what those could be. I often had terrible nightmares about hell, and went through much of what you described over your children being constantly fearful of not being saved.

I'll never put my kid through the inner hell I was put through as a kid.

[fr0d0]

Fundamentalism is brutality wherever it occurs.

[Ravenshire]

Fundamentalism is brutality wherever it occurs.

Fundamentalism isn't what's being discussed here. Just everyday christer bullshit that just happens to be harmful.

[Mudhammam]

Christians who raise their children to fear hell if they question or doubt everything the Bible says are to some degree very evil people, worse than most.

Since the Bible instructs them to do just that, it follows the Bible is also to some degree a very evil book.

[CindysRain]

I was raised in a Southern Baptist home, and as a child I often felt afraid; afraid of hell, afraid of Jesus being angry at my "sinning"... you get the picture. I would ask Jesus every night to forgive me of my sins, and was taught to include the phrase "and any sins I unknowingly committed" and I was constantly worried over what those could be. I often had terrible nightmares about hell, and went through much of what you described over your children being constantly fearful of not being saved.

I'll never put my kid through the inner hell I was put through as a kid.

You know what? I forgot that we also included the unknown sins. I can see that you did suffer much like my kids. But, you also got away from religion much younger, than I did...good for you!

---

I do want to follow up with the fact that my babies are both happy and well-adjusted, now.

My daughter, who is older and was indoctrinated longer, is agnostic. She cannot comprehend there not being a creator of some type. But she agrees that the bible is a fairy tale.

My son is 100% atheist.

I didn't care what they ultimately chose, I just wanted them to realize they had that option.

They were around 11 & 17 when I stopped going to church. I fixed it as soon as I realized, but the guilt still creeps in, from time to time.

[Crossless2.0]

They were around 11 & 17 when I stopped going to church. I fixed it as soon as I realized, but the guilt still creeps in, from time to time.

Don't beat yourself up over it. As much as I rail against the religious indoctrination of children, I also recognize that most parents, of whatever persuasion, do their best with whatever baggage and bullshit they happen to be carrying around and believe they are making the right decisions out of love for their kids. You recognized the problem and took steps to fix it. Your children sound like well-adjusted people, and I'm sure they never doubt how much you love them.

[ManMachine]

For anyone who thinks that raising children in church, and according to the bible, doesn't harm them. Think again.

After walking away from the baptist faith, well religion in general, I've had a couple open talks with my kids about this. I was sad and surprised by some of the things they have shared with me.

My daughter is 25. It was only a couple years ago that she admitted to me, for the first time, that when she was little, she was constantly worried that she wasn't really "saved", and would go to hell.

She felt that every time she did something really bad, (in her mind), that jesus would be mad at her, and then she worried that maybe she wasn't going to heaven, so nearly every night, she went through the salvation process of admitting sin, and asking jesus into her heart. My son admitted to often feeling the same way.

This went on for years, unknown to me. All because of her fear of hell.

Mind you, I was a stay at home mom, and very close to my kids. We talked about anything and everything. Naturally, I asked her why she never told me, and she said it was because she felt bad....she didn't want me to know that she often didn't "feel" saved. She thought that was a sin too.

Another big issue for my kids, was when one of their grandmas died, who was an outspoken atheist. Not only are they devastated at the loss of grandma, but now they are facing the images of her burning in hell. Sadly, at the time, I was still very much a christian, and struggled in what to say to comfort them.

They also felt pressure to witness to anyone they cared about, because they worried that those people would burn in hell. What a horrific responsibility to put on any child ever.

We do so much to protect them from any type of brutality while they are growing up, yet don't even consider what they are being exposed to at church.

Welcome to the world of rational thinking.

Don't think emotional bullying doesn't exist outside religion. Try proposing an alternative scientific theory to the prevailing consensus, history is repeat with examples of how innovators in the sciences have been treated badly, I don't just mean the justifiable challenges from peers, I mean pernicious, spiteful behaviour born of self-righteousness and social arrogance.

That, unfortunately, is humanity for you.

MM