The Mental Illness Thread

[Saxmoof]

So I was going to make this an ask me anything thread but there seems to be quite a few people on here that have/have had/know someone who has had a mental illness so I want people to feel free to share opinions, experiences etc. I'll start by talking about my experiences and what i'm doing in therapy and then hopefully other people will join in - that's definitely my anxiety talking, not wanting this thread to be all about me (expect more of these neuroses)

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I'm 22 and my depression started in the winter of 2007 so it's coming up on 8 years soon (maths!), the first year of that consisted of me slowly not being able to enjoy things and motivate myself anymore. I dropped an A Level subject, then dropped out of college entirely, i was less fun to be around for my friends which lead to me slowly slipping out of my social circle and this pattern continued until i was pretty much unable to do anything. There wasn't a cause for the depression, it just slowly started happening to me (maybe a genetic thing triggered by puberty, i've heard that can happen), I wish I could've noticed it was happening to me sooner so I could've maybe reversed it's effects before my life fell apart - I kind of have to start from scratch now, not sure how on earth to do this

My social anxiety, i'm not sure where this came from, I have three theories - 

1. It's a result of the depression, never being able to envisage a positive outcome in any situation leads to me avoiding all social interactions. 

2. It's that i'm not used to it now after having been isolated for so long, I just need to blow off the cobwebs by exposing myself to more social situations.

3. I've always been a fairly anxious person, but was still outgoing and extroverted when I was healthy and had a life to speak of, maybe my current situation is
bringing my anxieties closer to the surface given that I have to start from scratch

The social anxiety is what i'm currently in therapy for and that's probably what i'll be talking about most in here, the depression is more of a constant background level numbness, not being able to feel much or be excited in any way whereas the social anxiety is something I can talk in specifics about given that it happens in certain situations. There isn't really anything unusual about what makes me anxious, just imagine what makes healthy people anxious but multiply the intensity many times over to a point where it hinders all social interactions. If there's one thing that's pivotal to my anxiety it would be this - fear of not living up to my standards, I have to come across as clever and funny and interesting in every scenario. The pressure on myself to be those three things is so great that even when I achieve them I feel no sense of accomplishment, just relief - this leads to me avoiding social interactions altogether because there's nothing to be gained from them. I'm not sure if this is a problem which leads to the anxiety or something that came about as a result of it, I want to believe it's the latter because that means it's not my fault

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Recent developments - Changed where my therapy takes place, it was originally in a small town and I had my grandad drive me there, now it's in the city centre and I take the bus there and back, this is huge for me, i'm fairly comfortable with the bus now (although i haven't had anyone sit next to me yet, maybe they can smell my fear) but being around so many people in the city is still hard - after a while it gets to be too much, feel alien/out of place/scrutinised... it's hard to explain but I can't be there for too long

Agreed to have someone look for voluntary work on my behalf, as a way of being around people where any communication would be tangential to whatever job we're doing. This is another big step for me, i don't feel too nervous about it atm but i'm sure i'll be terrified when it comes to it - and working a certain number of hours could mean my unemployment benefits get cut off, not sure how that all works

Feel free to ask questions, nothing's too personal and also feel free to comment if you haven't had any experiences with mental illness

[Angrboda]

I have schizoaffective disorder. It manifests as bipolar disorder, and psychotic delusions. For most of the past 25 years I've wrestled with chronic depression, and a complex of delusions which led me to believe that I needed to kill myself. My suicidalism was caused by delusions, not depression; I've been on anti-psychotics for over a year, and that delusional thinking has faded into the background. I no longer feel that I have to kill myself. But I'm still troubled by depression and some social anxiety. I'm willing to answer questions as well.

[Dystopia]

I don't know what I have, I just constantly feel a deep existential vacuum and unhappiness. Also, I feel apathy towards most things and it's been getting worse lately. The last time I felt like this was when I was 18 years old, now I'm 21. I can't get help because treatments are expensive and my parents think depression is a scam. I don't know what to do. I try to deal with it. I don't know for how long I can hold on.

[Faith No More]

I'd actually thought about doing an "Ask a mental patient" thread, but this is a better idea.

My escapades in mental health are vast and too numerous to post, but they include everything from missing high school to be put in a mental hospital to finding my best friend's deadly body after he killed himself.  I've suffered from severe depression and anxiety for two decades now, and I've made eight trips to the psych. ward.  

In the past five years or so, though, I have learned to manage my illness pretty well, so if anyone is interested in that, I can answer questions of that nature, too.

[Jackalope]

So, I'm kind of in the same boat as Faith No More, though not quite.  The tl;dr version is that I've struggled with mental health for over 3 decades, was regularly misdiagnosed and improperly treated, and hospitalized more times that I can remember. 

I finally got an accurate diagnosis a few years back (post-traumatic stress disorder co-morbid with type 1 bipolar disorder), got on track with the right treatment, and although there's a lifetime of work ahead, life is a lot better now, and my illness is being managed much better now.  I'd also be happy to answer questions.

[LastPoet]

Don't look at me I am perfectly sane.

[c172]

I've struggled with mood swings my whole life. Sometimes I get incapacitated or detached from my life and those around me.

A webmd page lists the following as symptoms of depression:

A depressed mood during most of the day, particularly in the morning
Fatigue or loss of energy almost every day
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt almost every day
Impaired concentration, indecisiveness
Insomnia (an inability to sleep) or hypersomnia (excessive sleeping) almost every day
Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in almost all activities nearly every day
Recurring thoughts of death or suicide (not just fearing death)
A sense of restlessness or being slowed down
Significant weight loss or weight gain
http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/wh...depression

I'd say most of these are true off and on. Insomnia is common, but not even weekly. Diminished interest does happen to me daily, and is connected to impaired concentration. I've certainly had recurring thoughts of death, but have been to scared of it to follow through (on my 32nd birthday, in 2007, I had a falling out with a group of friends. It was too much to handle at once, and spent 4 hours trying to figure out how to kill myself, but in the end, I wasn't satisfied that I'd do so successfully, and indeed feared incurring further disability onto myself). And finally, I do fatigue easily, and struggle with weight. I'm too friendly with food, and too out of breath to exercise meaningfully.

My parents are social workers, and my mother has said she thinks I have a form of PTSD. It wouldn't shock me. PTSD does appear in spina bifida at times, even though SB is something you are born with. I guess it is related to long surgical histories and abuse by those that don't accept us, but I'm not sure. either way, I am not diagnosed as such.

[Jackalope]

@c172 regarding PTSD, it can be a result of a series of "small" traumas.  Combat-related PTSD grabs all the headlines, but the disorder is much more than that.

[Saxmoof]

Wow, over two decades for three of you, i haven't heard of many people who've had mental illnesses for longer than me, i'm struggling to come to terms with the thought that I might never be back to 100%. You all say you're managing it, does that mean you're not fully recovered and if so what are you unable to do that you would be if you were? Is your illness a constant pervasive feeling that you've managed to lessen or does it come in episodes that you've managed to decrease the incidence/severity of?

I don't know what I have, I just constantly feel a deep existential vacuum and unhappiness. Also, I feel apathy towards most things and it's been getting worse lately. The last time I felt like this was when I was 18 years old, now I'm 21. I can't get help because treatments are expensive and my parents think depression is a scam. I don't know what to do. I try to deal with it. I don't know for how long I can hold on.

That does sound like depression, especially the not knowing how long you can hold on, i felt that way before I had to drop out of college/having friends. How long has it lasted? I'm assuming you're not capable of deriving much external relief from your unhappiness... if your life (outside of what's going on in your head) was great would you still feel depressed? I'm not sure what the textbook definition of depression is but that's my definition of it

As for treatment being too expensive - that's awful. I'm English so I don't have this problem, there's a good chance i'd be dead if I had to pay for my anti-depressants - this is probably not very reassuring

[Faith No More]

As of now, there is no such thing as full recovery in mental health. It's just a matter of learning how to manage your symptoms and making necessary changes in your life to keep the illness at bay. No matter how much you manage, however, the illness is always waiting, lurking in the background to leap forward at any time if life sees fit. I started making decent progress on my illness a few times only for life to slap me back down, so I could hit rock bottom once again.

It is possible that, as you age, your symptoms lessen due to the changes in you brain, but for most people it seems that the illness will always be there. For most, you can only hope to manage it.