The Mental Illness Thread

[Angrboda]

I know of this too well, I had a long barreled 12 aimed at my chin by myself. I didn't do it because I was trying to figure out how to pull the trigger, a toe? A system of puleys? Somekind of a lever?

I had a friend who was in a similar situation. He pulled the trigger, but the gun had slipped by the time he managed it. Blew a hole in the wall behind him. Only problem: it wasn't his own apartment but that of a friend. He spent the evening frantically trying to figure out how he was going to cover up the hole.

[LastPoet]

I had a friend who was in a similar situation.  He pulled the trigger, but the gun had slipped by the time he managed it.  Blew a hole in the wall behind him.  Only problem: it wasn't his own apartment but that of a friend.  He spent the evening frantically trying to figure out how he was going to cover up the hole.

It sucks when you fail in just about anything, including killing yourself, I know how that feels. For all I care, I since then faced life with a "bring it on" attitude. I worked that out, seems stable for the last 10 years, so meh, what do I know?

[Longhorn]

Is being diagnosed/aware of the illness in any way comforting or reassuring to you? Regarding the irrational ideas (if you don't mind me asking)

Knowing that it's an actual disorder and not just me being a freak is somewhat helpful, but that's as far as it goes. I can't tell the difference between my own thoughts and the ones caused by the disorder. I tell myself that it's just something my brain does, but that doesn't help. I guess that's the main characteristic, the questioning.

I feel like a horrible person. Apparently it's something common for ocd. But knowing that doesn't make me feel any less like an absolute evil piece of shit.

I guess I can't complain, but sometimes I feel like I have to. Sorry

[Faith No More]

For me, the actual diagnosis was more of a "No shit, what's next?" moment. I think for most people, by the time you've reached the point of being diagnosed, you're already well aware that something is clearly wrong. The diagnosis is of little consolation beyond the fact that it means you can begin getting help.

Have you been diagnosed?

[Angrboda]

Is being diagnosed/aware of the illness in any way comforting or reassuring to you? Regarding the irrational ideas (if you don't mind me asking)

It can help some with the tendency to blame oneself which comes with depression. However the tendency to self-blame is part of the depression, so it can only go so far. When I'm really depressed, I tend to blame myself anyway.

It didn't help with the psychotic delusions. Even though I knew other people considered those thoughts to be delusional, I couldn't separate myself from the idea that I just "knew" they were true and real. Only medication has allowed me to put some distance between myself and my delusions. Even so, a small voice inside me occasionally wonders....

The one aspect that being diagnosed does have is it can help point the way to managing the illness. I was 17 when I had my first major depression, and I was psychotic from much younger. It wasn't until I was 27 that I started getting help for mental illness, and it wasn't until then that I realized that there are ways of combating what I was going through, and ways of coping when I can't combat it. It's taken another two decades to get to a place where the meds are helping sufficiently that I can see the day coming when I might not have to feel so miserable all the time. None of that could have occurred without diagnosis. (I wasn't diagnosed as schizoaffective until 2008, so it's only been 7 years combating my psychotic schizo symptoms.)

[Faith No More]

It sucks when you fail in just about anything, including killing yourself, I know how that feels. 

I was angry more than anything.  I just wanted the pain to end, and the realization that I had to keep going made me furious.  That and I felt guilty about the pain I could see in my loved one's faces as I was in the hospital.  It took me a year just to get over that guilt.