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RE: joke time
October 20, 2015 at 10:43 pm
(This post was last modified: October 20, 2015 at 10:44 pm by IATIA.)
Two old men sitting on a park bench.
The first old man leans over. "Psst. Been gettin' any on the side lately?"
The second old man says, "It's been so long since I got any, I didn't know they moved it.".
You make people miserable and there's nothing they can do about it, just like god.
-- Homer Simpson
God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion.
-- Superintendent Chalmers
Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. There are some things we don't want to know. Important things.
-- Ned Flanders
Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
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RE: joke time
October 20, 2015 at 10:50 pm
Two old women were sitting on a park bench when a flasher ran up to them.
He opened his coat and flashed them.
One had a stroke. But the other couldn't reach.
Dying to live, living to die.
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RE: joke time
October 20, 2015 at 10:53 pm
A Broncos fan, a Chiefs fan and a Raiders fan are all taking lunch on the 44th floor. The Broncos fan opens his lunch, sighs and complains, "Every day it's the same old thing, beef tips and noodles. I'm sooooo sick of beef tips and noodles I could jump out the window." The Chiefs fan opens his lunch, sighs and complains, "Every day it's the same old thing, Chicken noodle soup. I'm sooooo sick of chicken noodle soup I could jump out the window." The Raiders fan opens his lunch, sighs and complains, "Every day it's the same old thing, Spaghettios. I'm sooooo sick of Spaghettios I could jump out the window too."
So, the next day they're having lunch again. The Broncos fan opens his lunch, stares down in disbelief, then runs and jumps out the window. The Chiefs fan opens his lunch, stares down in disbelief, then runs and jumps out the window. Then the Raiders fan opens his lunch, stares down in disbelief, then runs and jumps out the window.
After the wives are called in to be told of the tragedy, the Broncos fan's wife says "If only he'd told me. I would have made him something else." The Chief fan's wife exclaims "Exactly, why couldn't they tell us?" They look at the Raider fan's wife and she says " Hey, don't look at me. That asshole always packed his own lunch."
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RE: joke time
October 20, 2015 at 10:59 pm
(This post was last modified: October 20, 2015 at 11:00 pm by Ravenshire.)
A Broncos fan, a Chiefs fan and a Raiders fan are walking to the game one Sunday when they come across a beautiful, naked woman passed out in some shrubs. The Broncos fan takes off his hat and places it over one of her boobs and the Chiefs fan covers the other with his. The Raider fan covers her "private parts" with his and they call the police. When the officer arrives, he looks under the Broncos hat and writes some notes. Then he looks under the Chiefs hat and makes some more notes. Then he looks under the Raiders hat, starts to write some notes, looks again, writes some more, looks again... This goes on for a bit until the Broncos and Chiefs fans ask what the hell he's doing. He replies "Sorry guys, but you surely understand my consternation when I look under a Raiders hat and see something other than an asshole.
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RE: joke time
October 20, 2015 at 11:04 pm
Are there any Raiders fans here? No? Good, let's laugh at them.
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RE: joke time
October 20, 2015 at 11:06 pm
Little Johnny comes downstairs crying.
His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?”
“Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with hammer,” said little Johnny through his tears.
“That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother. “I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t you just laugh?
“I did!” sobbed Johnny.
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RE: joke time
October 20, 2015 at 11:06 pm
Quote:I was working out at the gym when a sweet young thing walked in.
I asked the trainer standing next to me, “What machine should I use to impress that good lookin’ gal over there?”
The trainer looked me over, and said. “I would recommend the ATM in the lobby!”
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RE: joke time
October 20, 2015 at 11:14 pm
(October 20, 2015 at 11:04 pm)Cthulhu Dreaming Wrote: Are there any Raiders fans here? No? Good, let's laugh at them.
Are there, any Raiders fans? I mean, have you seen that team over the last decade plus?!? 
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RE: joke time
October 20, 2015 at 11:44 pm
So I just had an appointment with my own doctor.
He told me I have less than two hundred years to live!
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RE: joke time
October 21, 2015 at 2:58 am
(August 21, 2017 at 11:31 pm)KevinM1 Wrote: "I'm not a troll"
Religious Views: He gay
0/10
Hammy Wrote:and we also have a sheep on our bed underneath as well
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![[Image: 12079606_1075697782449170_72589613284770...e=56BE24E4]](https://scontent-iad3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpt1/v/t1.0-9/12079606_1075697782449170_7258961328477004002_n.jpg?efg=eyJpIjoidCJ9&oh=97f733ece4c1c02967c89afd94fd9cb3&oe=56BE24E4)
