It occurs to me this AM that we know from Scripture Christ only redeemed 144,000 souls while being tormented in Hell. So, keeping the math simple, we are looking at 50,000 (m/l) Salvations per day for Jesus to wrestle away from Satan.
I presume some bargaining occurred, "Hey, Satan, I blow you again for another 10,000 souls, and I don't have to wear the French maid outfit this time, OK?" for instance.
Also, I think it's clear, Jesus was going to have to impress Satan with His sincerity just as much as with his, um, technique. We therefore must conclude, Jesus had to really wow Satan and what could be more impressive than Jesus submitting to "Derby's Dose" ? So in addition to the obvious fellatio and sodomy Jesus would have been subjected too, Jesus clearly had to eat Satan's feces, and He had to do it willingly and with a smile upon His face. And from close quarters.
We could speculate as to Jesus (physical) orientation during this too. Was Jesus nose pressed firmly into Satan's voluptuous taint and was Satan's ball sack burning Jesus forehead while Jesus hungrily gulped Satan's fiery and corrosive spew ?? Or was Jesus the other way round, and Satan therefore able to bend over somewhat and bite off Jesus (presumably) Holy Penis, to further cement his sacrificial role in securing Salvation for a few more thousands of immortal souls ??
I'm getting rather more impressed with Jesus the further I look into this matter. Not just anyone, clearly, could do this. God had to be impressed . . .
I presume some bargaining occurred, "Hey, Satan, I blow you again for another 10,000 souls, and I don't have to wear the French maid outfit this time, OK?" for instance.
Also, I think it's clear, Jesus was going to have to impress Satan with His sincerity just as much as with his, um, technique. We therefore must conclude, Jesus had to really wow Satan and what could be more impressive than Jesus submitting to "Derby's Dose" ? So in addition to the obvious fellatio and sodomy Jesus would have been subjected too, Jesus clearly had to eat Satan's feces, and He had to do it willingly and with a smile upon His face. And from close quarters.
We could speculate as to Jesus (physical) orientation during this too. Was Jesus nose pressed firmly into Satan's voluptuous taint and was Satan's ball sack burning Jesus forehead while Jesus hungrily gulped Satan's fiery and corrosive spew ?? Or was Jesus the other way round, and Satan therefore able to bend over somewhat and bite off Jesus (presumably) Holy Penis, to further cement his sacrificial role in securing Salvation for a few more thousands of immortal souls ??
I'm getting rather more impressed with Jesus the further I look into this matter. Not just anyone, clearly, could do this. God had to be impressed . . .
The granting of a pardon is an imputation of guilt, and the acceptance a confession of it.
