Like most i was raised to be Christian at a young age. So by age 7 i gave my oath to Jesus. My life at the time was not good. My parents had me by accident and so got married out of obligation instead of love. I wasn't abused but I could tell I wasn't wanted either. Feelings of love, comfort, and self esteem where absent in my childhood.
My only real prayer to this god was that i could somehow feel at least somewhat good about my life. 7 years latter (age 14) I'm holding a kitchen knife and wondering why couldn't this god at least answer this one prayer. Would hell receive me any better if I ended my life?
The other part of the Christian downfall for me was my observation of other "Christians" . I was taught that a Christian should try to be loving and compassionate to every one. I tried and sometimes failed but I always tried to reconcile to anyone I treated badly. Yet i would see others that would go to church and/or bible camp and would act with what I could only describe as wanton evil with no regrets and no thought as to the love and compassion that they where taught.
i saw no evidence that a divine hand was present in any one's actions that could not also be normal human.
I threw everything away that I had been taught(as opposed to ending it all) and started looking for other spiritual/phillisophical paths. I found Wicca. I tried that with all my heart and ....it worked. I felt a deep connection to.... well i could only describe it as all of reality. It was amazing. For the first time in my life i didn't hate myself.
It didn't last but it made me realize that I was not born guilty of anything. I came to understand that I am perfect as a human being if only I realize that. I found that I am part of this reality just as everyone and everything else is. To understand that is to find true compassion and the real reason behind morals. At least for me.
I could go on but for now I will just say that after all that the Christian has the audacity to then tell me that I chose the wrong path. They tell me in several different ways such as shunning, attacking, and relentless coerscion. Can you imagine going through what I have and experiencing this sort of thing from what should be fellow human beings.
My only real prayer to this god was that i could somehow feel at least somewhat good about my life. 7 years latter (age 14) I'm holding a kitchen knife and wondering why couldn't this god at least answer this one prayer. Would hell receive me any better if I ended my life?
The other part of the Christian downfall for me was my observation of other "Christians" . I was taught that a Christian should try to be loving and compassionate to every one. I tried and sometimes failed but I always tried to reconcile to anyone I treated badly. Yet i would see others that would go to church and/or bible camp and would act with what I could only describe as wanton evil with no regrets and no thought as to the love and compassion that they where taught.
i saw no evidence that a divine hand was present in any one's actions that could not also be normal human.
I threw everything away that I had been taught(as opposed to ending it all) and started looking for other spiritual/phillisophical paths. I found Wicca. I tried that with all my heart and ....it worked. I felt a deep connection to.... well i could only describe it as all of reality. It was amazing. For the first time in my life i didn't hate myself.
It didn't last but it made me realize that I was not born guilty of anything. I came to understand that I am perfect as a human being if only I realize that. I found that I am part of this reality just as everyone and everything else is. To understand that is to find true compassion and the real reason behind morals. At least for me.
I could go on but for now I will just say that after all that the Christian has the audacity to then tell me that I chose the wrong path. They tell me in several different ways such as shunning, attacking, and relentless coerscion. Can you imagine going through what I have and experiencing this sort of thing from what should be fellow human beings.
