Morality versus afterlife

[Old Baby]

I actually understand all that, including that the way to be forgiven was through the cross.

I'm sorry if I misunderstood you.  From the post it appeared you were solely looking to your 'performance' as a Christian to determine the state of your salvation.

The fact is that I repented and "accepted Jesus" many times but nothing happened.

Could you please explain what you mean by the phrase "nothing happened?"  What were you expecting to happen?

I did everything I knew to do but I never received any additional strength to be a righteous person.

 
Could you expand on this a bit more if you're comfortable?  Do you mean that no one from the Church helped you through your struggles?  Or that you weren't suddenly free from all temptation and immoral desires?

Perhaps I was more righteous in some ways, that is the ways that it was easy for me to emulate (WWJD and all that), but I could never conquer my normal biological sexual desires and I never felt any supernatural force helping me with that.

Christians will still struggle with sin, certainly I still do.  While temptations have less appeal than they used to, no person will conquer sin entirely until the resurrection.  

Yes, that "force" was there to saddle me with all the guilt for my failures, but it was strangely absent when I was fighting the urges themselves.

That would be the accuser.  Because there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ, if you were feeling guilty for your failures it wasn't God who was accusing you (or it was possible you weren't in Christ).

1. When I say "nothing happened", I mean that I never had the awesome salvation stories that others did.  I heard other people testifying about when they got saved.  Many of them could pinpoint it to a particular date and could talk about all the immediate evidence of this great change that took place in their lives afterward.  For me, I never felt a single thing different.  I was sincere and convinced it was true and wanted to live a life for God, but nothing ever took place to make me any different when I got up than I was when I knelt down.

2. When I say that I never received any additional strength, that's exactly what I meant.  I saw other people kicking bad habits and forgiving their enemies and getting new positive attitudes, but I never felt any change.  Yes, I could give myself a fresh outlook and a better attitude.  I could try hard to kick habits and pray and agonize over my sins, but that's all that happened.  I never felt any additional power to be any different than I was before.  It was all human will.

3. You're suggesting it was the "accuser" aka Satan who made me feel guilty for my sins, not God.  Even as a believer, I never understood this.  God hates sin.  Satan loves sin.  Why would Satan make me feel bad about sinning?  Why would God be the one saying "Don't worry about your sin because my son took care of that."  It makes no sense and always seemed to be a perversion of scripture to me.  I think it's entirely more likely that my guilt was a result of the conditioning of my conscience to accept that sin as defined by the bible is a moral crime.

P.S. To address your signature... yes, I would.